Friday, December 21, 2007

DOMO rules in Africa

If Jacob Zuma is the Next President of South Africa then apparently DOMO rules. The down side of a man who lacks formal schooling are many. Populist vs elitist, populist will always find themselves in presidency then it is down hill from there. I hope it doesn't happen in Kenya.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

aT tHe KiJiJi

Nairobi just like Babylon, is a mixture of Splendor and squalor. Sometimes you would be forgiven to think you are in a different part of the city (seeing there is city in the sun and city in the garbage) Maybe the contrast can be seen between the Nairobi Tom Mboya street and just down at the Kenyatta Avenue.

So this past weekend i went to the kijiji to do braid my hair. I really don't have a problem trodding these areas but somehow i always have that hidden fear like something would happen. Anyway accesibility to the kijiji (slum) is not as easy as one would like it be, you get off a good estate road and start walking down to a place where lights, tarmack, toilets, water are a distant dream.

Stupid me didn't even wash my hair (water is a luxury), and i had my hair washed rinsed with just one bucket.I am used to gallons and gallons of water washing my head but anyway really it made no difference.

Now thats is no of real interest to me. What jazzed was the number of guys passing through the salon just to chat (do people still do such things) The guys who we were warned rather loudly to take care of our belongings because those guys were thieves. So i looked up, though i have been mugged once i never ever got to see the culprits. I saw how thieves look like. The guy went on to say

"Kazi yangu inaanza saa sita but mi siwezi kukuibia coz nakujua"

Thats the closest to a confession i have ever hard.

So he would look at guys passing and start saying ati so and so has such a nice phone, bad thing i know her (Dayum).

The curious thing is these people look like they co-exist very peacefully, understand each other's profession and the fact that someone knows you is enough for them to leave you alone. Even thieves have honour!

The guys entertained us, they is even a corrupt version of some Kenyan song ati "ti ti shika matiti" It didn't though leave my conscience that these guys were confessed thieves. They talked though of some tough cop called Ndombolo who has slayed many of their friends caught stealing from the residents.

Somehow i have not see any active campaigns where i live. But this kijiji is a beehive of activity, all sorts of politicians were even on foot campaigning. There were vehicles with all colours and manner of parties. The good thing was there was a level of tolerance. Except for Kibera, intolerance has been absent this campaigns but that kijiji was spectacular in their level of tolerance. No insults or anything just campaigns and supporters moving from one part to another. It hit me campaigners do actually know who needs Hope and to be given hope and promises however empty those promises are. The residents of the kijiji decided that they are not voting anyone who is not giving them money, coz they know anyway thats the last time they are seeing those guys (what a pity!).

So when it was time to go home, it was almost dark and most of the residents were trooping back from where they do their various menial jobs. I asked why Esther Passaris had not visited and i was told that its not possible because the residents usually pull the electricity from the poles.

I went back home and forgot our brothers and sisters of the Kijiji.

Monday, December 17, 2007

In pursuit of happyness

My 2007 end of year post, cue from Gishungwa

Now, I am one person whose overall objective in life is to be happy. Everything i do, is based on "It will make me happy" and i have not disappointed myself. To get happy then you have to view everything from a point of LOVE. Love brings happiness and there is nothing in life than loving what is thrown your way regardless of the suscipicions you have of them. My ability to love has been tested on very high levels;

1. Usually not every one returns love or appreciates it. If you find me smiling, it is not because i have been through the best but it is because normally smiling is natural for me than it is for others.

2. In the middle of thick of things it is hard to love. For most of this year, i have been on the jobless train. Though i got a lot to do on the side that gave me quite to live on, things were not ok. Thanks God, i managed this one and not tell everyone who cares to listen the way things are. Needless to say i am without a doubt confirmed that it is best to plan for the future and i am not taking that with a pinch of salt. When you are blowing away all your cash in Java outlets and pubs always think twice; plan and save for that bad day. People will not rescue you and worse still they will not call you for all those plans they used to. I have lost many friends than i care to count during that Jt period.

I have read many blogs i cannot even fathom why people are so unhappy sincere as it maybe. I am happy, not when i have the best job or best dress or best hair (ok a great shoe/handbag can do magic) but when i am most content with whom i am and not discovering who you are usually takes so much away the happiness you could have.

So how did i discover who i am?
By reacting to situations the way i think best or not according to why i should do something. I sometimes just want to sleep on the couch on a sunday afternoon unless i had planned to be out that particular sunday. Thats what i feel best and no matter how much tempting that afternoon at the bar is, i just don't do it. I don't want people around because how else will i get refreshed for a working week ahead.

Knowing what/who matters in my life. Most people hanging around my life turned out to be clutter i would do without. Though this has been a long journey of weeding out, it worked finally. Recently an ex pal of mine wedded without telling me though we had been friends for almost 10 years, it is then i realized i woulda have weeded out a long time ago. It is at times of betrayal that you realize all those little signs you had seen earlier should have mattered. If it doesnt matter, it is probably not worth your time. I see so many people carry baggage all their lives in terms of people who are not worth their time and its outright annoying.

Reading my books. I love my books, i couldn't live without them. Books teach you what nobody teach you. Enough said.

In good times i follow Oscar Wilde and give in to temptation. He said "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation" Oscar Wilde (from the picture of Dorian Gray).  Ok i mean temptation to eat chocolate and ice cream ha ha ha

Then i don't watch and listen to bad news. I am not obsessed with bad news. Don't even bother to tell me them unless they directly concern me. Recently somebody called me to tell me we should meet so that they tell me what somebody had said about me. Holy crap. Why should i? Look as a being i am likely to annoy some people and it is not important that everyone loves me or like what i do. For heavenly sake, i attempt to love everyone unless logic dictates i don't but something has to irritate me about someone and i can blubber about it aimless, that doesn't make it treason.

I even made a quote for myself "If days deem fit to move on, why shouldn't I?". It is Monday today, tomorrow will be Tuesday, so why should i be stuck in Monday. I don't carry forward events. If someone slipped or out of malice said something about me, that is past, there is nothing i can do about it. I cannever put back sand in an hour glass.

I avoid people/events which make me unhappy and concentrate on people/even't which make me happy. Unfortunately even a parent can make you unhappy, it doesn't mean you have to take it. We all have different lives and i don't think anyone should suffer another just because they are your folks or relatives.

So take a cue from there and write something about something.............



Tuesday, December 11, 2007

African Timer

There is a song i like by Boomba Clan
African Timer you never keep time, you are just an African Timer unapenda kuchelewa.

I have no idea why Kenyans like me have this thing that if a function is starting at 8 it means 9 and if it is starting at 3, it means 4,5. Take for example

1. An event hyped by Capital Fm the Locomotive Cervical Cancer Awareness Trip which i attended. Thankfully my friend had won a ticket on capital so we didn't pay the 3,000 bob. We were meant to arrive at the Railway station at 7 a.m. I got late by 20 minutes and it is after i had ran through town. So i get there at 7.20 in panic mode. Then an hour later no word, another hour no breakfast no word.
Nobody knew what was happening. So later someone who i think must have been the Mc for the event came (she was a horrible public speaker btw) and told us breakfast is being served. They had been trying to get a train and it would be there soon. Breakfast was to be served i.e. a minute cup of Milo. Guys had not even had breakfast running to catch a train which was not there 2 hours later (someone musta been kiddin). So the train finally arrives and the coaches are so horrible i.e. the seats are torn and all and the organizers by then had managed to pull 6 buses i dunno from where and chose to use them. There goes locomotive.

Some guys at this point asked for refunds which i am sure couldn't be given.

Its amazing how people can be patient and tolerant, no dramaz were caused.

The rest of it went smoothly. So i wondered just what makes organizers think they can play with people's time and money. If you say locomotive shouldn't you go out of your way to make it locomotive, it cannot be the same again Drat!

2. Sometimes when i get home early,  i go to a local gym. So, jana was such a day. The aerobics start at 7 so i checked in a bit early so that i could make sure i didnt miss any minute of the class.
What surprised me was that the instructor came by and then left. 7.10 no instructor, 7.20 no instructor, 7.25 instructor comes. By then some guys who have gone for the classes and even know better than the instructor had started instructing us, but then everybody was feeling cheated. Hereby you are paying for an hour and yes 25 minutes have gone and there is no reprieve and she comes acts like nothing had happened.

That's some of the reasons why we will not be saying goodbye to the mkokoteni economy.

It reminds me of several things
The days we would open campus and the lectures would begin 3 weeks later.
And even then the lectures would shortchange us by doing half the time they are supposed to be in class.
The long queues endured every place, the banks, KRA, safaricom customer care desks, because of failure of efficiency, did somebody ever study simulation?
Empty counters at the banks

To be honest there is terrible service at every corner of this country.I call it the Makanga principle. The Makanga can do anything to woo somebody to their buses or matatus but after that the passenger is treated like Dirt.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Randomness as usual

I have no any logical system of thinking thats why i cannot unleash those long posts that make you grab a cup of water.
Now, i am just wondering

If J.J. Kamotho was still the Sec Gen of LDP and KJ joined ODM, would they have a discussion as to whom the real Kamotho is.

I used to think Kenyans are forgiving and forgetful, not until i heard someone repeat the "scandal" in Kenyan modeling history. Naah its not a scandal it was Yolanda Masinde saying Mariah Carey was her role model. Ok, good peoples lets forget that part of Yolanda and remember that she was the Most Beautiful Miss Kenya whutz that they have these days. As Oyunga (yes him) says beauty queens are not supposed to have brains, what would the rest of them (read us) do?

Monday, December 03, 2007

I can't believe it

Celtel Wins the Best New Product category Marketing Awards @ the MSK Warrior Awards (Which one?). Celtel always remind me of a good product very badly packaged. If i remember well Celtel used to chuck a new Tariff every week and litter town with fliers.Anyway the BD didn't even find it fit to run a story on the awards. What a shame!
And then here are the Highest paid Actresses. Courtesy of

1. Reese Witherspoon — $15 million-$20 million
2. Angelina Jolie — $15 million-$20 million
3. Cameron Diaz — $15+ million
4. Nicole Kidman — $10 million-$15 million
5. Renee Zellweger — $10 million-$15 million
6. Sandra Bullock — $10 million-$15 million
7. Julia Roberts — $10 million-$15 million
8. Drew Barrymore — $10 million-$12 million
9. Jodie Foster — $10 million-$12 million
10. Halle Berry — $10 million
I have no idea why hates Britney that much. Meithink its LOVE.
Now how? Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore (top 10 earners?) I can't believe someone can earn that much for being a blonde. But then again this is America.
America builds you and then destroys you in equal measure.
Finally who will help Esther Passaris OF Adopt A Light?
She has chosen to fight City Council and it's not going well. Before Esther Pasaris there was darkness and to (not be blasphemous) sure just like Jesus upon her arrival to street lighting there was light. Infact i remember her marketing slogan was ( AFRAID OF THE DARK, ADOPT A LIGHT). While at it she made mad cash.
It is bad for Kenyans to know you are making cash. It is hard to look at the lighting in the streets without thinking of Esther. Infact when Mwai Kibaki tells Kenyans of his achievement and cites lighting the city and John Gakuo uses the same to measure his success they must always think of Adopt a Light.
Few Kenyans can do a job well, you just have to look at our roads to know that especially a public one. Adopt A Light has in all honest done their part. They have been losing one court battle after the other
Things Esther should know
Law suits are expensive
Lawyers are more expensive
Losing suits is even more expensive
Joining an opposition party openly while doing business with the government is totally expensive.  
It is good to separate business ownership with the management. This is a typical example.


Friday, November 30, 2007

Tempting Michuki

Today we passed through the estate Michuki lives when coming to town. All Matatus from Thika Road were threatened during Michuki's tenure as minister of Transport that they would be shot if they tried to use that route. Now that the Government has taken leave of absence why not enjoy the traffic less Michuki Neighbourhood. 

If there is anything i love Michuki for is for saving young school girls. You know Conductors and Drivers used to dress so well that any school girl who at that age is concerned with the way a boy "ameng'ara" than anything else used to fall for these guys. And the young men would give them "raos" to and from town and then show them the ways of Kenyan love. Now he forces these young jamaas to wear plain maroon ugly overalls (coz thats what they look like) and no gal, school going or otherwise wants to look at them. Talk of killing two birds.

Now as usual any matatu driver knows that they cannot tune in to any other radio station that is not Classic 105. So i  was asking myself where is it that Maina gets all that energy in the morning. And so a lady asked him how comes he is always laughing and you know life is not all rosy and all. So he says something very important "If anything is not working in your life, Fix it or let it go".  I guess then thats it. Fix it.

Thursday, November 29, 2007


I feel sad writing this post.

Anyway, i was hanging out with my friend from the Luo community and as usual we came to the point where we part ways (me being a Kikuyu and he being a Luo). So what i learnt from him is though he didn't say it really openly was that his community think that we Kyuks are are to blame for so many

1. The Fish processing plant is in Thika and the fishes are in Kisumu (i didn't even know that)

2. Central province is so near Nairobi that all what they produce is bought in Nairobi thus increasing our income

3. Education was made expensive and hence Kikuyus because they have the money have been able to enrol in Private universities and Parallel degrees therefore 60% of all university attendees are Kikuyus

Anyway he won the argument because it is too much work arguing that infact it is Moi who has to blame for impoverishing all of us as a country. It dawned on me that someone must have worked very hard to convince an entire community to bedevil the "enemy".

Kyuks like all other Kenyans suffered economically during Moi's era, the only difference being our geographical advantage and other factors which i would be stoned for.

Central province is near Nairobi, so is Eastern Province and so is Rift Valley province.

I will not argue with anyone who believes blindly that Kikuyus do hold anyone's economic progress.

If you look at what Kampala has done with its lake then Kisumu would look like a sleeping giant. And these are Private Investments not public investments.

While i do agree with him that lack of infrastructure is the devil really because if they were speed trains he would be able to spend 80% of his income in Kisumu as he would travel daily to and fro. HIs argument is having to live in Nairobi predisposes him to renting a house in Nairobi which he says belongs to a Kyuk, the Mama Mboga is a Kyuk and even the Mat he uses to go to work is owned and the Makanga and driver are most probably going to be Kyuks. Damn!

I don't know but somewhere in my mind i have always thought Kenya is a capitalist country.

Nairobi Life

Today as i was coming to town from home, around the Globe roundabout, on the other side something had happened ( I don't know what) but everyone in my matatu was staring so hard  i laughed. So because sometimes i am unrestrained to talk, i almost asked my seat mate who was staring what had happened, only to realize that they too had no idea.
I miss Samantha Mumba, what happened to her?

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

People think that i am stuck up

but thats really who i am- Lilian Muli in an interview with True Love
I don't know if this is a coincidence but i happened to meet her through a friend just recently for about 3 minutes or less. Stuck up no!
First when i read her interview that was last month i almost felt sorry for her. Who is that with guts to confess that people do not really like her or that she is lonely.
For those who know not of whom i am talking about, its our sexy KTN News Anchor (Prime time). So its not of main importance that i met Lilian Muli but because she said people don't like her, she finds it hard to make friends and the fact that i met her confirms that she has no capacity or capability to make friends or people to like her.
It takes no guess that Lilian tries very much to be sexy which works coz she is all dolly and with the weaves and anyway if people think you are the sexiest well me i Shiroh have no objection.
So anyway let me just tell you what happened........She was introduced to us and looked up just a bit and started whispering into her other known person (she has no friends so anyone she talks to is someone known to her). In a way to suggest you guys really i couldn't give a rat's ass (thats from M) who you are, i don't care to know your names and really i don't really care, you can go to hell, i mean you unimportant people, look here i am the Diva so really..........
And why have such an attitude then pretend people don't like you! I mean someone buy her a copy of Dale Carnegie's How to make friends and Influence people. You know what people many of them forget you coulda be at the top (or so you think) but don't think others are licking dogs to make a living, really!
Everyone is interested in themselves in the same way you are interested in yourself and the fastest everyone knows that the better.  i was disgusted by her demeanour and obvious childish behaviours, who whispers into anyone's ears anyone. Then some guys were calling her and she just walked past them (Total Diva).
To me being a News Anchor is something nobody should be proud about, i meet men of substance daily who go on their business without a "NOTICE ITS ME" attitude.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Britney Spears

Away with PNU and the DOMO
So me am a hugest fan of Britney. I totally do love Britney. So i am requesting the confused, drugged Britney to come to Kenya undrug and unconfuse herself.
I just wonder what is wrong with marriage
Look at Whitney Houston and her Bobby Brown. Whitney was a super diva back then, she moved many a man to dedications of her song " I will always love you"  over 101.9 Metro (hottest FM then ) at  10. Y'all old you do remember then?
Then now there is Britney. After her marriage to what's his name again, the gal has just been going downhill. Two babies in two years drove our Britney mad, absentee adulterous man capped it. She is stoned, shaven and gave the worst performance in this year's MTV, has even kissed Madonna (aiiich Brit)
Anyway i will introduce beloved Brit to where after a trip all over Kenya she will be singing her way to Awards. Who can sing Toxic and I am a slave for you to me again??
Then pop star Victoria Beckham, 3 boys within such a short span makes a woman's career dead.
I think marriage for many pop stars, divas can only compare to our own very black men to White women. I am thinking
Jeff Koinange and the scandalous that woman, whats her name
Cricketer Maurice Odumbe with his many white women who testified against him
Oj and his murdered wife
The list is countless.
Don't marry if you are female star
Black men leave white women alone


Anyway i also love the comedy "How i met your mother" and for those who know what i am talking about these are the killer quotes.

I am saying that my blog is Legendary!

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Excerpts from the Godfather
Film scholars and fans of the Godfather movies note what they believe is the symbolic significance of oranges in the films, suggesting that after the appearance of an orange in the film an important "death scene" follows. In the first film, Tom Hagen and Woltz negotiate Johnny's movie status at a dinner table with a plate of oranges on it, and Woltz soon discovers his dead horse's head; Don Vito Corleone is buying oranges from a fruit seller when he is attacked; Sonny drives past a billboard promoting Florida Oranges before he is attacked at the toll booth; oranges are placed on the table at the meeting of the Mafia bosses (and specifically in front of the ones who will be assassinated at the film's climax); and Don Vito Corleone dies while eating an orange, as he plays with his young grandson. Tessio is also seen peeling an orange at Connie's wedding. Carlo, who is responsible for Sonny's death, is wearing an orange suit when Sonny beats him up. In Part II, Fanucci grabs an orange from a stand just before he is murdered by Vito in the hallway of his apartment building. Michael is also seen eating an orange while in a meeting with Tom Hagen and Rocco Lampone, as they are planning the assassination of Hyman Roth, who is killed in the final scene.

Monday, November 12, 2007

This is what biased reporting is like

By Dennis Onyango

President Kibaki stole attention in Nairobi when he launched his manifesto. Orange Democratic Movement presidential candidate Mr Raila Odinga and his brigade shook the North Rift to consolidate support for the wholesome Orange a day after Steadman Group's reformatted poll showed ODM's fortunes were falling.


Never seems to stop amusing me. If i were his campaigners i would get a tape/DVD/VCD and label it "Presidential Comedy" and sell it. Preferably make it very expensive because it is not possible that one man could be so funny. Or better still Redkyullas could have Kibaki as himself, Tony Njuguna does not do it as Baba would.
Why do i say that. Juzi Baba Jimmy....angry at his rivals said " Kenya hii ya Nairobi...." Which Kenya of Nairobi is this???
Anyway i have been amused at this year's general elections. Being a Baba Jimmy fan, i had never ever thought that he could do pull a "IN the mud" campaign.
It started with the DOMO campaign and FANYA KAZI. That campaign is too fresh
Don't get me wrong, Raila's and Kalonzo's campaign make sense. Infact i love them especially Kalonzo's. I believe that it is possible for Kenyan; economy to run on 24 hours, i also believe we need reconstruction, In every sense we need a revolution. But To be honest the Men claiming to bring Kenya to Mercurial status are just not credible. I do not trust Mr. Odinga with Kenyan peace.
After the DOMO campaign is the unofficial biography of One Raila Odinga. It is funny, it claims the Man never went beyond KAPE and was bottom of class despite the fact he was 17 years and no secondary school could admit him. After that he went to Russia and did WELDING and came back to Kenya with a Masters in Eng. I don't think propaganda could go beyond that.
Anyway i have noticed with keen interest the number of young handsome Men in the race in Nairobi. Lets vote the most handsome of them all so that even if they do nothing, they will please us wit their faces everytime they appear on news. How well does the man from my constituency William Omondi compare with the young Marto? Or Mwenje with the one on the Bill board hapo karibu na Doonholm Caltex? Zero.
So vote wisely. Vote Handsome.
The only old (lacking in looks department) man allowed to the 10th Parliament is Baba Jim.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Celebrities Wanted ASAP

I must be really bored. I googled Kenyan Celebrities. I got one here, i don't even know here. So it means we are lacking in celebrities. And you know what on top are pictures of Angelina Jolie et al. Kwani when did Angie become Kenyan, she hasn't adopted any Kenyan POOR CHILD you know ingalau maybe Kenyan by parenting.

One of the most hit websites must Because people love reading about others. So now i think we should get a school for celebrities. Give them makeovers (remove excess fat, long broad nose, big ears, chubby cheeks, too big bottoms) yaani all undesirables have to go. How can we have only one celebrity. Not fair!

Anyway i am really not feeling well now a story to be told to the children in the series "How i met your dad". Me i have drama for four seasons plus adding the producer's extras i can make 6 seasons of "Kids this is how i met your dad". I have not met their dad so that would make it 12 seasons of how i met your dad. aaih am i feeling famous already?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I was going

to think this could not have been a worse day. So I sought refuge on the World Wide Web,
I thought there was conspiracy against me in real and virtual world

You are posting comments too quickly. Slow down.

Monday, October 22, 2007

This is why i am laughing

Hot and Cold

A woman who my mother knew
came in and took of all her clothes

Said I, not being very old,
"By golly, gosh you must be cold"

"No,no!" She cried Indeed "I'm not
I am devilishly hot!"

Roald Dahl

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It takes more than a pretty face

To sell.

So yesterday i went hunting for a phone.

I met thesebeautiful gals at a shop.

I picked up this phone which i thought was kinda cheap but had all good features.

I asked them the very basic questions, aki they should have been subjected to EGM;

"How many phone book entries"

The more pretty one replied

" It can write i think 250 words"

I ask again

" I mean the phone book"

The less pretty one (beautiful but not as the first) intervened
"I think it can store 400"

So i ask
"What about text messages"

The more pretty says
"250 words"


The less pretty one intervenes again

" It depend on the length of the sms"


I tell them i am asking about the inbox

The less pretty (TLP) says
"I think 20"

Asi!I think to myself even the Motorola V2288 i once owned did better [20?]

My first phone.

I tell them i am not sure

"Ok i think 40 messages but it all depends on the length of the text, you can write more than one sms and then it will be .........." TLP says

I stopped there.

Just incase i asked whether it had blue tooth and i was told

"Apana hii haina meno"

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Dear diary

Tuesday 1700hours
Its the Moi day eve, fellows are excited. They have packed up the town, they wont go home, its holiday tomorrow so i also won't. I am gonna join them [the drinkers club].,I think i won't work 1 more second, so i get out to go somewhere, anywhere. I scroll my book wherever i can find the peoples. then they start calling, i reply with non commital voice. I want to freely choose with who and where i want to be.

I stupidly end up hanging with two guys who both don't know what position each hold in my life. They joke about it. One say he is miscellaneous. I don't confirm anything. Its not my business, yet i enjoy every minute of it, the tension,the silent competition. I do these things once in a while. I don't know if its ego stuff [maybe it is]

19.00 hrs
I didn't mean to play any games

I am in another sneaky place where my boys might have some fun. They though won't concentrate on the fun. I am starting to get bored

The fun has not started.

The fun kinda start but as i said i am already bored. But i suddenly got energy. There is this song that makes me want to dance but the existing dancers are better than i. Considering also they have no fat content, so what is this i eat that i don't? Anyway the boys are getting interested in the dancers [phew].

I think these boys have forgotten all about me, now they have moved closer to the dancers and are looking at them with these hungry eyes. [now i know why men are the same]. I think i will text someone, to indicate i might just be bored. Ok i won't.

I should be asleep but i am kinda very sacrificing so i let the boys have their fun. There is nothing funny about zerofat content gals.

I have had it. They are moving to the next level and i am not about to watch. Anyway there is so much evil in the air. I think i should never have come here in the first place. One of the boys has got himself good company. He is enjoying. He is not leaving he says, the show has just beg[a]un. I can't hold it anymore i sleep.

I start walking out

On my way home [yippee]. The driver is playing the Late Chibalonzas songs something about don't choose the devil and such things. I am remorseful and call Santa Maria for forgiveness for the things i have not done. The drinkers club is going home, they are all singing along"Yesu eeh nakupenda". I am touched.

I regret my actions from 1700hrs-0300hrs.

This is extraordinarily funny

even this one

a little nonsense

Is cherished from time to time.

So today i was in a mat with this guy[who i had just met] so there is this bongo song by Ali Kiba [i think] which has a line

"Ulinitesa sana,sababu nilikupenda wajua, kijijini huko kigomaa, Leo niko dar, alinipenda nishamuoa, " or something like that and also "ulinitesa kigomaa"

Lovely song though tskindafuckinghardtomasterthosekiswahililyrics. And the boy is deliciously delicious.

Anyway the dude got touched and he started telling me that he had a wife who he married when they were poor and when she got rich, she left him and surprise the wife is a Mchagga [the tz equivalent of kikuyus] and on top of that has refused to divorce. So he told me
he would substitute the words for "Ulinitesa huko Kangemi".

Now i know there are so many things to be cynical about from the cynic himself

But i suddenly felt that i needed to laugh not at him, not at the song, but juz bcuz it was funny. here i am enjoying the latest hit from the bongoland and a man so relates a song to his circumstances.

No wonder i love bongo.

They have a way with their words like this one

"Sema kweli unachotaka mami, sema kweli unachotaka hunny, wachana mawazo kishetani, ukiniacha mimi nitabaki na nani, nakutafuta nione sura yako nakutamani uuh baby" Doggman mimi nakupenda


Mi ni mshamba wa mapenzi. Now how do you come up with such?

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Raila Vs Kibaki

Well it seems the devils of politics are with us again for the rest of the year.

And me i am for Kibaki for obvious reasons;

  • He has done the donkey work of moving us from point A to between point A and B.
  • He is security. I am sure he will not wake up and pull a Mugabe on us
  • Kenya will never be the same again
Not that he is the best leader. Infact Raila is a better leader than him in terms of decisiveness and do i say eloquence and all that jazz.

This country has been saved from eruption by 1. Kenyatta who though did nothing to correct colonial injustices, helped us move forward. 2. Moi, despite his 24 years of magnanimous misrule and plunder ensured we did not have a civil war. 3. Kibaki, post Moi should have been a time for revenge et al, we won't have moved an inch if that what he settled on.

Now it is clear, the civil service is back on track at least, even Matatus (repeat) are observing the white lines otherwise known as zebra crossing,

Dear Kenyans, it is only important to know, no president would do anything to our pockets. We have to work. Countries like the old US consists of people who work sometimes for more than 20 hours on a daily basis to meet their goals.

I think it is only fair that we don't be like the masses who crucified Jesus to ask for the clemency of that Barnabas.

Friday, October 05, 2007

When its over

We sat over lunch and i explained to him succinctly and as best as my mouth could muster that it was simply not working. For many reasons, i mean i could count 1-50 why it wasn't. I had with my littlest of patience (which i don't have by the way) and convinced myself if i could just be a little not selfish, if i could understand more, if i could learn to live with other's faults that this might just work. After all one day i could live with him forever and would learn to live with his idiosity (sic).

I looked at him, nothing had changed. It was on his face, the innocence, as usual kept quiet even never one to raise voice even when i was a hysterical bitch (that one is from Rebekita soap, you know where Eduardo says i could never marry a hysterical bitch like you).

But it reaches a point where no matter how patience, how much you fear being alone, you realize its that time. you know your life will never be the same again, it will either be better or worse without them you have to take shoes and run, hata kama ni bata ngoma.

You think its better to be played (of course there is the saying that even the one who said better to love and have lost never ever went through that) than the indifference. But nothing is worse than the other being played, being absent, nothing. Ok i am starting to sound "cry baby"

When its no longer there, its not, when trust, confidence is gone, you meet and there is nothing to talk. And believe you me, some of us who are chatter boxes there is no day there is nothing to talk about so when its finally that time, well you gotta go.

So the usual motions of "after", you get buried in something, work, friends, you even contemplate changing numbers then realize you had a life even before this person and now you can actually sit on someone's laps in the hang with no fear his friends could be watching. You buy less chocolates because there is no more that stress that makes you want to eat 4 snickers between 5 and 7 when he had said you would meet and suddenly work comes first!

And the calls start to come and you can't pick them because they don't mean nothing. No matter what they say you have made up your mind and there is no turning back. Like i have said i don't exactly forgive and forget, i just forgive. And then one day you foolishly think it can work out and you try and the same old behaviours resurface and this time you are out for good.

So its been 1 1/2 years, my life has radically changed. My view on life has taken a 360 turn. I have had a rough year no doubt, i have handled all my downs entirely alone because i have an amazing ability to look perfectly fine in the middle of a crisis. There are days i sat on my bed thinking what it was it going to be and how exactly i was gonna go from there and had the worst of nights sometimes not even sleeping well.

Then it hits me its that time again, when the traces of the last relationship are so gone and all you have left is a vacuum.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

If i had Harry Potters Cloak

Just for a moment imagine wearing that cloak of Harry Potter and then you are suddenly invisible and you can go anywhere and listen to people's conversations without them seeing that you are. Ooh men i would have a ball!

  1. Your ex, do you know what he/she says about you, would you like to know, maybe, maybe not. if its maybe, get a cloak lol.
  2. And all those days your husband/boyfriend keeps you waiting endlessly with the "i am working late". And you know spy services are not cheap either, don't you wish you could get the cloak and search, enter rooms, hotels and see whats been upto. But then again if he is just in the office, lose cloak and own up!
  3. Me, i would like to get to the President and Cabinet meetings and the Raila ones. I wonder what they discuss. Lets go spread leaflets all over Rift Valley and Central province. What really happens when cooking Anglo leasing, i can only imagine" Wewe Mwiraria ndio utasign hapa na ukiulizwa useme ni PS".
  4. Then i would snoop into conversations of Nairobians. These people know everything, you want to know who killed who where, they know, who is sleeping with whose husbands,they know, Damn how good it would be, it would make my blog more interesting. Unfortunately, snooping is healthy for writing
  5. Then i would hit somebody's head from above and they would never know its me, brilliant me! Or slap their butt from behind (dayum). Ad have so much fun, somebody stop me!!
  6. Then i would never queue. Infact i would never queue
  7. Then i would scare people, yaani once i am infront of you, i toa the cloak, which kipindi is this?

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

This was good

I managed at last to attend the Kwani open Mic at Club Soundd yesterday and i had fun. Most poets rocked and the artistes were quite good.

I felt like dotting a poem and reciting it that minute so i wrote two lines

If you can go through the rigours of life
And not lose the humour of.....
or the memoires (?) of time

and then i was blank. I couldn't even rhyme the second sentence. Those guys did have it! And smitta was a bit funny with Fourteen fones.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


For some reasons i decided to put every Kenyan from under Fantastic!

I forget they are the most tribal people around East Africa. Infact they are so fantastic that every time some other tribe person hears my name i am warned of the repercussions come next year when the "said" people will come into power. That is the one hot day in hell when they will.

I have even forgotten they keep on shoving me on the streets, i mutter to myself that maybe they are in such a hurry that in the next one minute they could lose all and peace comes to mind. Maybe i should learn to body bump them too.

And even when they assume i should pay a bribe or two to do the work someone has been employed to do. I think its all fantastic after all why not, they are poorly paid civil servants who deserve extra coins.

Keep driving at 180km/hr and then blame the transport minister. The Fantastic matatu/personal drivers. how can you even tell the difference anymore? We have to get home drunk/sober at 80km/hr or 180km/hr and even when we cause accidents it is because of the transport ministry. I totally AGREE, its the ministry.

I would imagine a situation when i did not have anyone to blame. It would make me uncool.

I have nothing for the things they do to make my life easier like not keep the queues if no one is supervising. How else? Jumping the queue is totally cool, why wait when you can jump?

and also even if nobody can understand your mother tongue, why bother to talk in English or Swahili?

Friday, September 28, 2007


Most of the times when i am going through my normal life i like to picture if this was a movie set what would happen next. Really? Like when i am walking where there was a grenade/explosion/bomb near Ambassadeur hotel, if an explosion was to happen. The Actress would know if she would be injured or die or survive or even in soap operas they can create a circumstances where the actress would disappear then everyone would think they died only to resurrect again when their lover is just about to marry another gal blahblah. Good TV.

Now, look at Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore & Mandy Moore, i call them the triplets of blondi(oty). Are they just blonde or they act blonde. Ok i once saw the first Daughter ok there are like 50 versions of that movie. Father president of US, she is followed by cops everywhere and falls in love (obviously) with a non starter. So this movie featured Mandy Moore, boring stuff.

Now they have no idea of our own First Daughter (unofficial) even the Hollywood fathers haven't thought about it. Its ok to have unofficial sites, spokesman,....but daughter (phew!). Starting to write script. So our daughter has a love affair with a burly Armenian who shoots at the airport, drives GK, threatens everyone. Don't you think the First Daughter Hollywood director/script writer should call me for REAL movie.

wouldn't be fun if you could just just like in the movies know you are going to trip and super prince is going to be around? Or even if you missed your classes you would still pass with 1ST CLASS. ooh the good world of movies

Ok i gotta go. Nice Weekend. To be continued

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


Once in a while i have always imagine doing a girlinthemeadow story in more than 100 pages (God bless Kenya) but really i have to give props to this guy

I got that from the African Woman magazine which i can say is quite good compared to ours apart from

1. Angela Angwenyi not Angweni. She presents mid morning not drive. Drive is for people with serious jokes to tell, Angela's son might not be a joke you know.

2. Sanaipei is not a radio presenter. She reads bits about famous people. She is also famous, i think she doesn't know. She is a fuckn good artist also (emphasis shoulda been there)

3. The Nakumatt lifestyle magazine it is. Not Smart Magazine and is not edited by her Majesty Masitsa

Good magazine in need of intense editing and spell checking. Writing to editor now for that position.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Marketing to Kenyans & Kenyans

I am no guru of marketing, i might not even know what marketing is per se but i think i know one or two things about Kenyan spending habits. Wuz reading how the South African biasharas have all flopped here in Kenya.

  1. There is nothing like "High end" or such words for us people. Like you can smell death of high end fashion stores everytime one is open. What do you think would happen to the likes of "The Stanley" if there were no tourists in Kenya. Scary huh, before you open anything for the high end, think twice.
  2. We are mostly rural too. Most of your executive didn't even wear shoes while attending school o.k. Ask Naikuni, ask Mwebesa if they wore shoes to school. They didn't. That is for supporting number 1. You understand point 1 is no high end. I am done with point 1.
  3. We do things. Repeat "WE". If my friend does threading in Salon X, there is a likelyhood WE are all going there. You remember the advertisement "Bring one, get one free" very good marketing. One person comes with whole clan. So if i give you a contract to shona my nguos do them well. WE will soon be coming all of us. But then again you lose ME you lose WE.
  4. The Young girl. Co-operative Bank started it, every bank is at it.
  5. Its funny, most large cars are found in dingy joints with fat waitresses by name Njeri or Wambui or whatefa, Ok thats point 1 still
There is one thing about talent and arts, they don't forgive! For example there is Angie Stone and then there is Beyonce. Getta what i mean, 2030 you might still be listening to Angie, Beyonce???

Now we all know that we give things to people we know most likely or those who live fantastic lives like ourselves.


Top on the list is your Truly Jeff, the Oduori in Big Brother 11. Somebody tell me we couldn't have done better. Everyday i meet new people largely interesting. Kenyans are by and large really funny you know what i mean. It could be from the circumcision songs after a few beers in the village or even sleeping in the valleys after a night out. Now seriously why did we deserve the humiliation of being ejected just shortly after Big Brother begins. Is it true that Mnet Kenya couldn't find a better person to represent our country peoples? I smell an Anglo leasing, it takes a moment to find out if one is fun whether or not they have written a book! Get my point

Then there was Valerie Kimani of Tusker Project Fame. We all watched Linda and Alvan in great admiration. The die was cast, Linda or Alvan. What did we get Valerie, she alright but she has a terribly weak voice at least mine is hoarse. Almost an year later, we are yet to hear from this gal apart from she has lost weight considerably. And what was to be lost, bones?? She must have told her family to buy so much airtime that she won that thing. I say again Sham! We were expecting miracles, good album we are humiliated once again.

Ruka juu, Banjuka tu life ni fupi na mi sijifungi. National anthem in Kenya. I mean talking bout Kisima Awards. What is the use of Kisima Sham Awards. Why do you waste so much money on such a significant show and then sham it!! We all know DNA deserved to win. We also know Nikki did not deserve to win over Nyota Ndogo. Jameni as she would say, who has the sweetest voice in Kenya. Nikki, Nyota Ndogo? It is not even a matter of debate. How now??

And again i say, arts is not forgiving, you are either with it or you are not.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Life is a paradox

I think about life a lot. The way things are and the way they should be and the way they are not. In standard two you had this feeling that you would the best doctor , you ended up being a bus conductor aiih this life.

Now there is this movie line i heard "everybody thinks he/she is a good kisser". True dat. Everyone hells think they are the best in everything. Of course excluding Archer who knows for real he can't dance. I mean thats a painful admission. Me i can't he he he i don't know. Its hard not to think you are the most beautiful, bright.

So this year is a bit funny for me. One of my best pals lost her brother. Its wuz one of the hardest things in my life i had ever had to cope with. You don't even know what to do. Cry, comfort. You think you are even being ignored. I mean transition is difficult. However people cope with it.

like now how do you explain. Some people think Kenya is run on auto pilot. Others think we have a great leader, me included. Yeah for all who love to hear, I am with Uhuru he he he. Rakini the way we dissed that man in 2002,i am a bit ashamed that we are together this time. I remember we were in campo and we would start the great debate of Uhuru Vs Kibaki and there would even be a moderator and we would eventually be thrown out of Wambugus for making so much noise. Ooh Uhuru is not a man enough (ya'll know what i mean, forgive me father)

And even that dude who kufed with Mo Amin, the alcoholic who swore he would never die from alcohol. And yeah i forgot his name, he crashed. He drank every single minute of his life and yep dude didn't die of cirrhosis. Nice bet. And others who get cancer and have never had a stick in their mouths or even known how it is to wake with a hangover.

Another thing i have discovered is you listen to nutritionists then you will never EAT. Mara eat carrots mara carrots are not good for your health. Chocolate bad, chocolate good. Alcohol bad, alcohol good. So what? Whats good, what's not.

Aaaiih me am out. Cybercash over.

Nice weekend

Sunday, September 09, 2007

figuring out

Sometimes you think you have everythn figured out. Just how you ar going to do somethng and how its gonna work you can even see it working.But then and again you are back to square one.

One day i went to the cyber having figurd out how i am going to print out some docs i was going to use in like 30 mins. This is the only cyber i can trust with my life, very reliable. All comps are full so i kept staring, pacing up and down like my company has declared losses and the share is going down by the second and then snooped at what people were surfing. One was on Yahoo mail, another one on and another one on doing all manner of searches. I was incensed. Here i was, with urgent document to print and these people were on basic websites. Now don't get me wrong, we all go to these websites. The one that got on my nerves was the one on hi5, gosh! he looked at every profile on the friends. It instantly made me swear not to ever visit hi5 again! I just imagined someone on the waiting list and i am on hi5, its not fair.

Anyway i am back to the same cyber. My shoulders are aching, last week was one of my busiest this year really, there is too much my shoulders can take. It reminds me of the saying weight on the shoulders.

I heard of this saying that internal beauty is overrated. I have never heard a truer sayin than that one . very few give a hoot about internal beauty, i know.

Lovely week

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Maybe a Bitch! That's what they say.

Either i am growing old or life is growing old. From the crazy days in campo when we would party from 2pm in the aftey to the following morning @ 6 p.m to these days when hacking even 4 hours partying has become so much of a task. Unless of course your name is Methu and you can do days of no sleeping they don call him Methu for nuthin! Or the party has gone OLD!!!

Back in the day all we needed was a pack of cards to play strip poker then we would changa 100/= and buy some serious roco like XXXcane. Then do the ceremony. So boys are funny. These boys played poker on us seriously. No boy ever stripped until one day, the boys couldn't play poker. Then there was this Mwangi yaani i can never forget that dude but i forget the name of the other one. We are all in various stages of undress, and the game is in its final stages. Mwangi and dude X had only a ngotha, yaani if they lost on this particular game the unmentionables would soon be bare.

This game lasted for one hour until Mwangi lost (huh). Have never laughed hard like that! Mwangi was too dark and fatty. Yaani the speed which he removed and wekad back the ngothas. So the gals would always pull the "i am on my p's" if it ever got there but the boys (poor boys).

Playing poker was something you learnt very very fast especially when you knew what was at risk. Once you were in the game there was no getting out. The most you could do is first play kawa poker before you played the strip one.

So what we would do is put on quite some number of socks, ngothas, 4 tops, a jacket yaani by the time you were done guys would go like "where were all those clothes?". Rakini those were good days.

Then it would be spin the bottle! Now this one scared me. I was told to kiss this dude and we were buddies vibaya, that day i lipad the fine. There is no way i was going to kiss a pal of mine, it doesn't work. Lakini if it had been a dude i had designs for, yaani you pretend you don't want then rukia him! And the dares, dare who?

The roco! ngai fafa yaani i have taken that shit!!! Safari cane, Kibao vodka and whatever other canes. The lethal things, what if we lost our eyes (kuona mbee). So my two pals decided to compete on who can swallow the cane faster. So one of them mezas 1/2 of that thing and blacks out for 24 hours. nJesu! i thought he was going to die. We were scared shitless. So when he finally woke up, i remember VIVIDLY the shirt he was wearing he had lost quite some weight. So we told him what cutt that he had just risen up from the dead. Then another day he wore the shirt and i wuz like you can't wear that shirt you know, its not funny. bad days that one.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Go fast

i don't if its just me but this year is hard to keep up with. A new month begins and voila its over before you can say 2nd!

this is the year for all kinds of disturbances. how i now wish elections were every 15 years. Who will let people know that we are tired. of half truths, boot licking, mediocrity, violence. How is a person capable of opening their mouths and saying things he knows are impossible?

Of what fabric are these people made of. that one day you show undying love to a brother and the next day you could order his execution. What does democracy ever meant?

Does it mean we cant produce even one honest person. one who will say the truth? It started so early, we have gone beyond. The spoken word does not have any weight any more.

I just can't wait these elections to be over, then we can go on with what we do best.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

A need to answer questions

Where is your cell bag
2 Relationship... in my mind
3 Your hair....Beautiful
4 Work... maybe thats what i might call it
5 Your sister....Well she stole the breast from me so it has been war since then!!! But she is gorgeous!

6 Your favorite things.... nothing in particular but well i am not easy to please
7 Your dream last night...Disturbing
8 Your favorite drink....Vat 69, Martinis
9 Your dream car....X3, X5
10 The room you're in....crowded i am sweating. Its a cyber in town

11 Your shoes... Black, i don't have taste for shoes, i need to hire someone to be buying them for me
12 Your fears....poverty! losing my mental faculty, AIDS,
13 What do you want to be in 10 years.....everywhere
14 Who did you hang out with this weekend.....My boy
15 What are you not good at..... hiding my true feelings. I am kinda too open and sometimes i can be a bully. I can also be explosive! But generally i am quiet

16 Muffins? No thanks
17 Wish-list item..many ooh boy, some man
18 Where you grew up...Kirinyaga, Murang'a, Nairobi

19 The last thing you did...taught some naughty kids
20 What are you wearing...Jeans and a sweater. Its colda here in Nairobi

21 What are you not wearing... jewellery.
22 Your favorite pet...Pets for what. Is my phone a pet?

23 Your computer...Eeh lets call it my father's computer. But it is 500gb and 1248Mb Ram. he he he i love it!
24 Your life...Quiet
25 Your mood...Lovely

26 Missing...someone
27 What are you thinking about....see 26
28 Your dream car.....x5,x3
29 Your Ex.....we can talk
30 Your Favorite Item... do i really do favourites?

31 Your favorite color....see 30 but i don't like green at all
32 Last time you laughed... a few minutes ago. I laugh too much
33 Last time you cried...Forgotten
34 School....i am always in school
35 Love ..Just give me time

Thursday, August 02, 2007

V is for Vivid

I vividly remember when i received a call from this dude.

Imagine you are going about your business and are trying to vividly remember all the things that you want to do and someone calls;

"My name is Ngugi from this village". Do you vividly remember me? He he hehe. Thats my mum's village. So i try hard, first of all everyone in mymum's village goes by the name Ngugi or Mwaura. So he says mimi ni Ngugi Wa Mwaura. Do you know just how effn hard that is for me.

So he texts
"When we talked this afternoon, you said you couldn't vividly remember me. Anyway we met in 1999 and had a lengthy chat at your grandpas home"

Gosh that dude has vivid imagination. I not only not vividly remember him I don't at ALL! dUH

Ok i was impressed that i had made some real impression on a dude who had waited for 8 long years (just how long did Jacob wait for Rachel?) and call me. So i didn't answer back rudely. Ok i learnt not to rudely text back after some dude had been flashing twice, thrice and i told him i was going to kill him if he flashed me again. That was vivid imagination. Shiroh cannot even harm a dead fly. Then he wrote and said, i was just trying to help you, i got your wallet! I hadn't even by then realized my wallet was missing. You can just imagine the embarassment and the bribing i had to do.

anyway this is all i wanted to text him and say
In 1999

I was still thinking Maths, Physics, History
I was extremely innocent

What coulda have happened since then
I have met eons of people
Kibaki has become president
There has been 9/11
A White/black Obama making waves in the US
I have finished Uni and spent 2 years out


How in the endless things could i even remember a random face i met in 1999? True product of Vivid imagination

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Those 8 Non Things


Here it is folks

  • I am right handed and left footed. or is everyone?
  • Love to laugh and smile
  • I like a Certain Mmeru
  • I don't like/own any pets. I love people too much
  • I am totally comfortable with myself as in we have all accepted to live together me, i and myself.
  • I still live at home. I am even starting to think till a certain type of ring come my way. But for good reasons.
  • I don't like people who feel good becoz of cash,social status et al, besides don't we all live coz we can.
  • I can be petty sometimes.

who do i tag (tough luck) (MS K) (Yuko wapi?) (Wangu) (Prous)

Good weekend

Monday, July 16, 2007

Educating the Village

There is/should be a saying

"educate an African, educate the whole village"

And when i think of it, i feel like laughing. Because i have lived the saying prolly more than anyone becz my father is a great believer of it.

And now a pal of mine is getting right into it/has gotten right into it and wonders what to do.

I ask

Have you ever heard the word NO and she says she has only that it is a very difficult word to understand. NO. Infact if you can master the word NO i tell her, we will be half way there.

Ok, so what am i saying.

Educating the village means your clan members, villagers, family members think that your pockets are BOTTOMLESS pits. Your meagre income is to be divided to all and sundry despite the conditions of life here in this great city.

While i believe truly in giving, i think there is A limit. And the limit is to the truly needy.

Maybe i should write a book on how to say NO.

I am seeing many more of my contemporaries falling into this trap every day. What follows is they start making excuses on their lives.

I can't marry because my sister is still in school and i am paying her school fees. Then i ask can her parents pay it, they say YES. So what? If your father/mother can pay her daughters' school fees why are you doing it for her??? To show gratitude they say. What they probably don't know that it simply never ends there. My dad has educated his siblings and is now educating their children.

Reduced savings, low home ownership. I mean anyone who has ever lost a job like i have knows the magic of savings. And more so in these days of job insecurity.

Another day an distant uncle of mine called me asking me to tell my dad that her sister has no bus fare. I don't understand. Get your hands and word, don't bug me about busfare. If you are truly needy like you are an orphan and young i will get the money for you but look here, Mother Teresa(God bless her soul) is gone.

I don't think it's wise to encourage people to laze around and then dip your hands into your shallow pockets and finance their laziness.

I had a laugh recently when i told my cuzo that i was broke and needed money to make my hair and she told me why i couldn't ask my dad. That was fine until she said "After all, he is no longer looking after his brothers because they have jobs now"

Anyway, is it possible to educate the whole village and suffer less consequences.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

22things to ABSOLUTELY love or hate about NAIROBIANS

  1. Nairobians like staring at pregnant women (hate)
  2. Nairobians like staring generally (love) can do wonders for your self esteem
  3. Nairobians are always in a hurry
  4. But if you stare at space, Nairobians will stop and stare with you despite 3
  5. Nairobians don't have xenophobia, they love people (love)
  6. It is possible to get home without bus fare. Cook a story on losing your wallet (they love people)
  7. There are Nairobians who need just 20/= to get where they are going. Dont fall for them
  8. Lovers of beer
  9. It is easier for a Nairobian to buy you buy beer than Lunch (refer to 8)
  10. They hate laws
  11. Look at Nairobians looking for their safety belts when a cop passes by and releasing them soon
  12. Nairobi girls are really fly. They don't even need make up
  13. Nairobi Men come in different sizes.
  14. Rich/poor, short/tall, brown/black, nice/BAD
  15. Nairobi bad boys don't exactly mean wealthy
  16. When they talk about bad girls they mean easy and loose
  17. You can get mugged in the town as everybody watches and STARES
  18. Pubs are second homes really
  19. We love talking, on the fone, to strangers in Matatus
  20. The rave is where people meet (no longer in church)
  21. Some lie blatantly "I am in Nyeri right now) and they are inthe Mat
  22. You are either from the East or the West and the language is different

Friday, July 06, 2007

This thing

Called love

Yeah that word. Sacred word.

So in some moments of temporary insanity, i had decided to give up freedoms which i know is unconstitutional to do.

The freedom of expression say i think you are a goat, i just cant say it becoz it is not in the best interests of love. And i am meant to say "that was a lovely evening" Even when i really think i should have been watching La muher (kidding).

The freedom of movement. I can't move freely without saying i have gone to this and this place and i am going with so and so and i will be back at 20.10.02. Whuthufuk!!!

The freedom of NOT TALKING, is that the same as Freedom of Expression. Because when i am silent i am met with "are you ok?" are you normal (for friggin sake), you are i say more. For some reasons in the 3rd week of the Cycle i am NOT NORMAL. But you need remind me not, because i so know and you know Wut! I hate, no REally hate it when some one reminds me of that. It's like telling me you have a bloated stomach. bull crap i know that too. I like to be left alone. Usually there are people i want to be with at that time and that month it might not be you.
So my I don'twanttotalktoyoudisorder is ok with me.I have lived with it for years. Sometimes i don't want to talk to clients. Unfortunately not even intensive therapy from Dr.Phil's books can help because as this gal once said its not possible to know what it happens. Maybe its those devils fighting over my blood (ngai fafa)

The freedom of dreaming about having a Clooney KIN. Either George the one of Oceans 11,12,13 or even the senior Clooney are entertained. And sometimes when i can forgive religion Tom Cruise. faith works wonders. In one second you are ready to give up ambitions of having a Clooney kin and settling for this XXXX kins. Look that is a huge sacrifice and again unconstitutional ( i kid you not)

So the temporary insanity is over and then whoever it is i think of sacrificing the freedoms (this is permanent insanity) this is what the LOVE CALCULATOR says, am i doomed or WHAT???

I can go in peace. Lovely free weekend

Friday, June 29, 2007

No more worries or so i think

I have always wondered how is it to start and run a business in Kenya without money and no titles.

But looking closely these days money is being thrown anywhere

Mkopo wa Salo- Barclays
Unsecured Personal Loans- Standard Chartered
Biashara Account- KCB

But some of us are highly sceptical of loans. Having gone through clients files and seeing how their lives have been doomed by taking loans especially in early years when interest rates were uncontrolled. Banks like StanChart and Barclays charged highs of 34% which i think was crazy.

However the Government, Equity is telling me i have access to Ksh. 7 billion
Seeing this Fanikisha project of UNDP and Equity is giving women access to 5 billion shillings, during the budget reading Kimunya gave women Ksh. 2 billion and the youth Fund Ksh. 1 billion. Yes i am eligible for all this money. How to optimize its use is what i am not sure about. I am told opportunities are everywhere, we just have to look harder.

I am really and madly hoping women of this country are going to join forces and make use of this money. I don't belong to any women/merry go round group myself but hey maybe its time to join one. One day Eve Muraya she of Colour Creations told us the only problem us women have is lack of synergy. Don't i agree more.

When i was watching CNN another day i came accross some interesting hero i.e It is interesting that someone came up with a very noble project that for only 25$ you will be able to fund a goat trader in Kenya the way they put it. well i will be looking at their field partners and processing information for some people i think could be in need.

Makutano Junction

Makutano Junction is a programme nobody should be able to miss. It is good, funny and wella this junction has everyone from Mama Mboga (my favourite), the Mchawi, the player Husband, and its very interesting to watch. Disappointing though, is that all the producers have English names meaning most good projects have an English hand to it and is heavily funded by the Ford Foundation and others. Almost truly local though even the language and accents.

Lovely weekend everyone, forgive my little access to technology and the less blogging. Maybe i need a Laptop for one donation myself.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Slumbering and Young Kibet's call

I know many people watched the Budget Speech, some like me watched like a 1/100 of it just to meet young Kibet telling people " I am not into politics, Don't get me wrong" and suddenly the slumbering Mps woke up, only Njenga Karume prolly didn't. There are very few things that excite Kenyans that is The Arsenal, ManU game, you would think Thierry was a Kenyan and recently The Didier Drogba of Chelsea. A ManU fan having lost to Chelsea sent me an Sms to the effect
"There is a Drogba, he has just happened to us"

Anyway, thats besides the point. Budget reading does not compare to 90 minutes of big boys chasing a ball but to say the least it excites nothing in any of us. Until Young Kibet. The boy is handsome no less, eloquent and courageous. Saying things that some of us could have long ago forgotten about like " The greatest risk is not taking risk itself" or something like that. Really you don't have to 13 to believe that. In a long time i haven't found such motivation and this coming from a man more than 10 years my junior.

My plea to Kimunya is:

Please tell them to fix Thika Road, whoever they are. Not even World Social Forum could influence the fixing of this Road that connects to like 4 provinces of Kenya. Maybe this time someone might listen to me..

Developments- Proudly Kenyan

What are you proud of?

Kenya Television Network
I don't which channel of news you watch. I find myself watching KTN but these days i am finding it nauseating to watch their news. Its merely demoralizing to watch violence and politics in quick succession every evening. If an accident didn't happen in Kenya then Raila Odinga & his fellow Luminaries (wonder more Kaparo). Look, not all of us are a fan of the Luminaries or even think that they have anything remote to offer Kenyans but it gets to a time you have to offer people news to stay relevant. NTv has fast caught up and is giving KTN a run for their money.

We all sympathised with KTN's raid but that doesn't mean everything good stopped happening in Kenya. We have problems and a man shooting himself and all his kids might do little to uplift our spirits and thats not news for 9 Oclock bulleting

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Grim Reality

This is how HIV/AIDS spreads in Kenya (True story that i wish to share with my readers & other Kenyans)

I know i guy who is HIV positive. Lets call him E

E sleeps with C who knows nothing about the HIV status of E. C is sleeping with a married man named R. C has a friend called M, they often have 3 somes with R. R is sleeping wit another chic called Mo. Mo is married too and has another boyfriend on the side. M (C's friend) is dating a married man too K. K is not know to have one girlfriend.

And that is how you can become a part of that circus. If E happened to affect C then the whole group will end up infected. Don't throw the socks up the ceiling however tempting that is. i really feel for innocent wives but that is Kenyans for you.

Episode 2

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Monday, May 14, 2007

7 things

Ok i know i haven't really kept up with blogging lately so when Ichiena says i have been tagged i can only oblige (seeing she is Senior)

  1. I have a hardtime giving people second chances. I trust you once you screw up and thats it. I don't mean business but as in friendship. For example there is this chic who i was friends with from 1st Form and continued been pals after school and even put business together (which we closed later) yaani went thru a lot of things & shT together. One day i unfortunately left her house open and she called me and talked really Rude, she didn't bother to find out what had happened. Thats the last day i talked to her. Its been 3 years and counting. I HATE people who jump to conclusions without bothering to ask me whats happening. The next time you want to be rude to me, you should really think about it.
  2. I am hard to impress. I love new experiences and the kind if had money wouldn't mind taking breakfast in Nakuru & dinner in Mombasa and sleep in Nairobi, maybe the exhaustion would prevent me but it really excites me to do totally unrelated things the same day. I can buy a pair of shoes wear it once and give it away. It partly explains why i want to learn Luo,spanish & Italiano.
  3. I don't like watching TV. I find it hard to listen to people on Tv. I only watch suprise surprise 2 soap operas of which i am just too ashamed to tell.
  4. I am an information junkie. I like knowing everything and for no reasons. I buy all types of magazines & books when i have cash. I have even gotten to the habit of googling the prescriptions by doctors. I insist on carrying that paper which the doc scribbles on and google what i can see. I can even read their non existent words. I read the young nation. I find myself reading in the middle of a conversation with someone especially if in the house. That also explains why i can't watch Tv, there is always something to read instead. When i am stressed though i don't read, instead i watch Tv. Sometimes i go to the butchery and carry newspapers from there if i find something interesting.
  5. I am the kind of person who is most probably friends to everyone and to none. Although these days i am trying to be better, i still find it hard.
  6. I am most comfortable talking general topics than talking about personal stuff. Its kinda hard to extract things about me from me unless you are very patient with me.
  7. I am not the best person to cry with because i am very practical. I think what can i do for you to ease your pain rather than "woisheeing" with you. I find it sometimes people just want you to cry with them but i will find myself suggesting why don't you do this or another.

Thats therapy right?

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Right of Way

There is a rule i was taught in Driving School called right of way. However in the City of Nairobi the right of way means

  • Matatus & City Hoppas have the 1st right of way. Matatus becoz even if they caused an accident the driver will simply call the owner of the matatu and tell them to deal with the accident.
  • KBS have the second right of way. If a KBS hits your car there is no chance that you or your car will survive. So give way
  • KENATCO Taxis also do have a superior right of way. Maybe...maybe because i also don't know.
  • Rude owners of cheap saloon cars come next. Because "why the f don't you own a car. Give me way" must be why. Wahindis are very fond of this.
  • Other motorists who don't know that town speed should utmost be 50KPH and they keep hooting aimlessly because they probably just learn how to hoot!

Individuals who don't own vehicles but nevertheless have a right of way

  • Thieves who have just stolen mobile phones and are about to lose their lives (i understand their predicament) via angry mob.
  • Hawkers running away from City Kanju. This is the most ugly group because they run with their wares and hit everyone on their way
  • Men in a hurry. Because money is so important/business deals or whatever it is that they are chasing. They think "Hey, my shughulis are so important don't get into my way". This means Body bumps; several.

What i am saying is if you meet with these motorists and important persons GIVE THEM WAY.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Nothing really

If Smitta is to be believed Club Galileo is whack and Ciiku (Easy Presenter or is it former) is Multi talented. I don't know exactly what multi talents are but i agree to disagree. I heard Munene on Easy in the morning today so i don't think the multi talents are working any more. WE ALL KNOW what talents in MEDIA houses stand for (he hehe )

So i have been thinkin of all things in Nairobi, lets just say Everyone knows everyone. You know one person then you realize they were in school with another person you know and its all boring. Especially high school because al professionals went to lets say Docs went to Starch. So EX 1 thinks that guys who went to starch are smart cookies and kumbe smart cookies are also short (his version not mine)

So for the sake of generation continuity, i have to choose short and bright or tall and dumb. Burr you see i am not exactly dumb and now i am thinking a bit of tallcould produce tall and bright and the tall can play football, basket ball or handball and become FAMOUS!!! yiPPEE. We will be famous (like it matters)

So after my first failed attempts at making chapos (did i say chapos) i have not tried again and could do with some tips like put oil generously as some (owners of tadpoles,,..he he he) could say or use salad oil or use...or do dis n dat.

So now me i am a fan of girl flicks. How you ask, because all often a girl has to find herself in complicated situation. Somebody who was in the same uterus as i was and a girl was dumped yesterday (i am writing that because the boy who also came out of it is looking at what i am writing na sitaki anyite vile nasema) the last 3 words were to honour bantuts who has made sheng look like its the best thing since my chapos (lol!). So we were doing speeches in things like "look here dear this is not your soul mate and bluh bluh mob like you remember how he treated you on............. Ngai fafa!!!! It is hard i tell you. These manenos of love and being dumped. So we were telling her that ooh don't worry (speech!!!) I am reading from the writer of The devil wears Prada and at the part where this man who everyone wants likes that girl (can i hear wowwwwsssssss) So whuzfoolingwho?

So jienjoying, budget ya cyber imeisha.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Rusty....Second name

Maybe i shoulda written,,..I am back!!! and with a bang.

Hell No! I am not, just making sure that the landlord has not ejected me out from dear blog, I know we have no tenancy agreement so my rights could expire without due notice. Now that i have confirmed i am still a bona fide owner of this blog (he he he) or rather sitting rights have not expired, i can go back to rustiness and pretend to be very busy!!! or what do people who seldom update their blogs say.

And talking of people i have come to realize all writers are sadists! and still at that they thrive on people's failures

Bridget Jones- She who failed at maintaining weight (or rather failed at keeping body fat at minimum levels) and still at that failed to get a proper boyfriend.


Belle De Jour- Failed at getting a proper job after college and became a london call girl......wella that might be the best.

Who is watching the Celtel Challenge? I am not convinced me that some people are that BRIGHT or rather that knowledgeable. I have this convincing feeling that Kenyans will win all the challenges (bite me!).

So me i have riden on bodabodas and was jealous that the other boda boda has ngomas and the one i was riding didn't have.And i am lying i even had thoughts of being jealous, half the time i was saying some prayers. The bodabodas have no insurance so if they angushad you? I am not even guessing.

How is 2007?

Ok, i just had my first class of chapos courtesy of
this one and yesterday i Failed at making any of those round chapos. I will keep trying though.

How do you respond to female discrimination?
Answer : You don't

Is it just me or all the winners of the Nguruma pickups are all dark Men?

Friday, March 16, 2007

The tourist Guide for Martians

The story continues from here Put Zero Get Zero

Before us there was a man known as Christopher Columbus who really loved taking voyages.

So these are some of the rules you might learn from Chris and others on the voyeur

  1. Ask & listen for any instructions.
  2. Just like any journey you might need water and other things on the way so have them ready by your bedside. You don't want to leave essentials in the car or bathroom. To say first be Ready
  3. It is good to know any good spots that may be found on your way there. If you can't find them ask where they are.
  4. If you find any good spots devour them literally i mean. Many people like to spend days on good spots so......
  5. Unlike the first explorers to Africa, most of the times the bush has been cleared for you so there is no reason why not to..................
  6. In case you get lost as most tourists will ask Men or if you still cant find your way Ask Men here
  7. Some journeys are longer than others. The thing is no matter how long the journey is hold until you get there. It would be useless to end the journey prematurely
  8. It is important that if you enjoyed the touring, send Thank you Notes.
  9. You might want to take pictures,especially moving ones just so we know you ain't lying when you say you been there?? (Mwangi)
  10. 9. There will be a suggestion box where you can drop your comments about the service along the journey, and all your suggestions will be looked into without bias or malice.(Sammie)
  11. If you are not sure about where you drop your waste along the journey , please use the trust-branded rubbish bins! (Sammie)

Any i have left?

Write and i will add it to the Tourist Guide.