Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I need a Friend

It is said you are lucky to even have one friend in your lifetime.

I scream “I need a friend”

What for you may ask?
To laugh with
To tell dirty little secrets

I had a friend once
I cried on her shoulders when I discovered I had serpents for friends
We laughed at stupid jokes
We partied together
Made stupid mistakes (not about to tell)
We hanyed without cash and enjoyed thoroughly
Distance did our friendship damage
Life put us on different paths!
I called her last night

When I wasn’t there she missed me
When she wasn’t there I missed her
All before the advent of the mobile technology
We wrote notes then

That’s why I say I need a friend
I once thought I had a friend
But then,
I didn’t
She was like my sister
Or she wanted me to believe
Damn you, may you rot in hot hell
For what you did to me

I need a friend
To understand the complex being I am
Just to accept the faulty person that I am
I know I am not perfect
And I don’t want to be
All I want is a good friend

Monday, January 30, 2006

For the love of soaps

I had solemnly swore to soap abstinence.

That is hardly a promise i can keep. And i have learnt how to watch two soaps

1 Look for the soap that starts early enough. In my case Secreto starts earlier than Cuandos.

2. Commercials come in handy. At least they don't have commercial breaks at the same time.

3. Keep the remote nearest for any boring conversation that you particularly don't like;

4.It works like fire and kerosene put together.

Never miss a soap!

These Latin American Soaps, as they range from Spanish speaking countries to Portuguese ones have same storylines. Just don't know whats the addiction.

Pretty Maids-Now if only your brothers had access to this pretty things in small dresses.

Mixture of squalor and splendor. Powerful Families & Rich ones, then there are the destitutes.

Evil wives- "I am going to destroy her!" is but a cliche'

Man falls in love with maid- Of course the maids are pretty.Wife finds out and threaten to eliminate her from the face of the earth.

Same old story Man marries maid at the end of the soap.

And Yippee, next soap please.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Who wants to save?

I have been seriously shopping for a Bank because the account i have with Co-operative Bank of Kenya is a student account.Not that i am complaining about it considering


So what is my problem. My bank (Co-operative Bank of Kenya)has this habit of letting me down anytime i am in serious need of money. Their ATMS are a disaster sometimes. And that sometimes is when i need my money most!.I have talked to ATM'S,prayed by their sides,asked God why He has decided to abandon me and quite frankly, I am tired!

So in my shopping i went around calling the Banks stating my current Employer's name to ensure i got first hand information.

Standard Chartered Bank
Safari Account
More than 10M- 5.5% interest
Below 100,000(which is where i squarely belong)- 2.5%
I felt a sense of loss.

Savings Account
A minimum balance of Ksh.30,000
For less than 50k- ledger fee of Ksh 350
Below 30k-Ksh. 450
Below 10k- Ksh.650

Savings Account
Minimum Balance of Ksh.50,000
The ledger fees were something on the up of Ksh. 600 per month (which i won't pay)

Those were the only banks i was shopping for. I am a disappointed customer to be of the major banks in Kenya.The rest of the banks (Equity, KCB et al) won't help me as i am sure they are worse than what i already have.

I have however found a very interesting profitable way to save (I am a Kikuyu) and my money has to earn interest not several deductions. Why should i put Ksh. 50,000 in a bank to give me 2.5%? And when they lend me their money they charge me obscene figures like (38%)?

Banks in Kenya do not even appreciate Symbiosis as a principle of life. You scratch my back,i scratch yours harder. You give me 12% and above, i might just borrow at 14%. They truth is they won't.

I then started shopping around for mutual funds. I tell you ignorance is not bliss my dear friends.

Zimele Asset Management is currently giving a 8.5% for their Money Market. You can even save from Ksh.2,000

African Alliance (their lack of website bothers me a lot) is yielding basically the sameinterest for their shilling fund around (8%)They have funds ranging from 10,000 to Ksh. 100,000.

Old Mutual has different rates for persons who have invested in their funds depending on the period of time.
Though their minimum investment is Ksh. 500,000, they also have a different arrangement for persons who can afford at least Ksh. 5,000 bob every month to build up to half a million bob.

Madison Insurance have a policy called SMART INVESTOR to which they give interest of 12.5% and above. Premiums range from Ksh. 3,000 bob for a month and the policy is quite flexible.

So why does a bank think i will save with them. I have decided to maintain my free student account (for expenditure purposes) and save wisely.

Read The Richest Man in Babylon-George S. Clanson
My friend Wangu gave it to me to read; it is a classic! I was even considering giving it a review. Tiny but worth it.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Prophecy eludes Kenya once again

Kikuyus are told of Mugo Wa Kibiru who was a prophet(the only one i know of myself).He warned them of the coming of the White Man in a very funny way. And they didn't believe him.

I assume my ancestors would not want to be associated with the clothes i adorn with so much pride today.They would horror at the sight of bleached women and the cars that we can't do without. They would probably want to go back to their graves on landing the land they once knew.If they only had known the prophecy would one day come true.

And ignoring prophecy does come to haunt us once again in the disaster that hit Nairobi two days ago. It is not the first time that buildings have come down. A few years ago the same happened in Umoja.

Poor supervision by the city council of buildings in the city has caused erection of many highrise buildings in the wrong places. The once Road Minister Raila Odinga had made an executive order that all the buildings should be pulled down. This became history once Power to him became more important.

It is pity that Kenya will never foresee a disaster even if it was thrown at it in the face one day before.

Yet there is this man i watched in NTV making a mockery of the people in the rubris telling them not to raise their arms (how the hell were they supposed to hear!)

My heart goes out to the people who lost their loved ones in that unfortunate incident.

Let the blame game begin, because the sackings have.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Is the Media corrupt?

In the wake of NEW REVELATIONS let me add to the mood by asking;

Is it true that editors of Newspapers are often paid to kill stories? (a rumour)
Is it true that some correspondents have a hard time paying their bills because they have no connections at the top?
Is it true that bosses at our so called media house give sexual harassment a totally new name?

All of you have a nice week.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Celebrate the joys of fatherhood

Spending life in the bars seems to be a tradition embraced by many of our men unfortunately. It looks fashionable to spend your life as a married man enjoying the breeze of legitimate sex yet still celebrating the joys of single hood with the boys. Nothing wrong with the same…, only those who have taken down this road live with bitter regrets of their last ages wanting, willing, and wishing that they had been more fatherly to their kids.

Make confessions to those willing to listen that they know that they were bad fathers and terrible husbands. Let’s talk about Mark, the chief Executive of Do me Good Company, taking home an enviable amount of money. He has everything he wants in life, a beautiful house (home) , a pretty (quiet) wife, two healthy bright kids.

Everyone would want to think this guy has the best life,..in our eyes mirror he has. Damn you say, if only I was a CEO then my life would be as good as Mark’s. Mark had to work his way up the corporate ladder, meaning he spent half his life working hard to make it to the top. Meanwhile his wife and children spent their lives having dinner without the man of the house who often sneaked late in their dreams with work home only to wake up early and finish it.

So now Mark is at the top of his career… what next. He discovered there are numerous spots in the country which he has never visited despite his enviable income not to mention the ever increasing entertainment allowances. The young hotties in town suddenly become very attractive..i don’t blame him. He realizes a room at the Grand Regency can be arranged with much ease once his name is mentioned. Illicit sex becomes his new obsession.

His wife has since become boring and the children have no problem as long as they can mention their newly acquired toys to cause green envy in front of their peers. Daddy is CEO is all that matters to them. The children grow up not knowing daddy….

To all my male friends
Money is important but it is not everything; don’t miss the joys of fatherhood chasing it.
May you become the best daddy there ever was
Money can never make up for your absenteeism
You will regret if you never make up time for your family
Your wife and children are everything to you in the world; they will look after you when you fall from grace
If you never had a daddy, always learn from your uncles and God
Your anger at your own father is not enough to make your own children suffer
Learn not to blame everything on dear daddy; learn from his mistakes and move on

With inspiration from tout noir

Monday, January 16, 2006

Kiss Fm..sounding a death knell for local artistes?

I sometimes listen to Kiss Fm especially in the morning when going to work.I immensely enjoy listening to Carol Mutoko. To add i also admire her for making a radio presenter's job a plum one.
Anyway at least everyone in Nairobi especially has in one time or another listened to Kiss FM.

For a while now i have argued that if there is one prowess Kiss has developed is slowly but surely killing the local music industry. Many artistes have even been reported to bribe the programmes controller to ensure their songs are played on the said station (rumours).

At first they seem to develop the artiste, make them popular,enjoy numerous well attended shows, ask for more cash when they have to entertain private functions. But look at what finally happens to them. We no longer hear them,.Nons, Nameless,Mr. Lenny,.Tattuu

A successful career of an artiste is been able to sell their videos, tape cassette,Dvds,Vcds,Cds.At one point artistes become tired of attending shows they want to sit down and enjoy the fruits of their labour and who wouldn't.

So how is KISS involved,it kills their music by overplaying it. A song is out today and after one month nobody wants to listen to it. Yesterday i heard one song play in a span of two hours in the station. And to make matters worse , they don't pay the artistes royalties. What is worse Kiss FM or Pirates in the streets?

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Be the first to throw the stone

I know many people would appreciate the mystery surrounding the AIDS pandemic as being one hounded with secrecy, prejudice, stigma. Persons who either don’t understand that the disease is incommunicable and/or fail to appreciate that it’s passed from humans to humans . Some people have taken it upon themselves to treat victims of the disease with a lot of disdain much to my chagrin, you might wonder what I mean.

A friend of mine recently got a job with a local company which I consider to be quite respectable. My quarrel with them was that before the confirmation of the offer, a medical examination has to be carried out and sent to the employer directly without having showed the results to their hopeful employee, now the question that begs for an answer is that who gives a future employer legitimacy to know what my medical status is. So if it is positive what is the worst they would do? Give me a job and monitor for every cough or rash and proceed to fire me on medical grounds? This is what I call violation of privacy at its best.

I frown upon practices that are meant to dehumanize the person and worse still a person is left with no option but to undertake the job (remember the rate of unemployment).It is as if you as an employer are immunized against the disease. Everybody should remember all persons can contact HIV,,,,

This is the Government policy on HIV Public Sector policy

Monday, January 09, 2006

Forever, Amen- Randy Davis

Love it , love it...

You may think that I’m talking foolish
You’ve heard that I’m wild & I’m free
You may wonder how I can promise you now
This love that I’m feeling for you always will be
You’re not this time that I’m killing
I’m no longer one of those guys
As sure as I live this love that I give
Is gonna be yours till the day that I die -- oh baby

I’m gonna love you forever, forever & ever amen
As long as old men sit & talk about the weather
As long as old women sit & talk about old men
If you wonder how long I’ll be faithfull
I’ll be happy to tell you again
I’m gonna love you forever & ever, forever & ever amen

They say that time takes it’s toll on a body
Makes the young girls brown hair turn grey
But honey, I don’t care, I’m not in love with your hair
And if it all fell out well I’d love you anyway
They say that time can play tricks on a memory
And people forget things that they knew
But it’s easy to see it’s happening to me
I’ve already forgotten every woman but you --- oh baby

I’m gonna love you forever, forever & ever amen
As long as old men sit & talk about the weather
As long as old women sit & talk about old men
If you wonder how long I’ll be faithful
Just listen to how this song ends
I’m gonna love you forever & ever forever & ever
Forever & ever forever & ever amen

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Little Snippets

Venue: Buffet Park, Hurlingham

Entry of Kenyan Pundit behind the scenes
Whisper ; that is Kenyan Pundit
Milo; No, that’s not her (very interested) .
The boy already thoroughly whipped
Shiroh: That’s her (from a vague recollection of what M had said)
Milo watches in awe, Nick stands up (yes he did in anticipation)
My name is Nick, Shiroh is my name
Milo: My name is Isaac…oops
We all looked at each other …no one had heard of the name before

Who wants more of this ..there is much to tell.
As an after thought , Nick the much sought baby face (might it be the face of an ugly baby Daudi?) hey will u wanna come for our next meeting? “Meeting” I said to myself, maybe just to discuss why the hell did they have to hire Nick as part of admin? I was ready to add my 2 cents on why it was the next worst idea after cornflakes….Being a part of the decision making crew of KBW..they needed my skills to draft an MOU, what kind of guys get in the admin of KBW. Hurriedly after a trip, I make my way to Hurlingham (note all this time I am supposed to be Nick’s concubine) he has not even offered to pick me up! I am sure Blue has something to say about those habits that Nick and his ilk from Med School pick up in 5 years and spend the rest of their lives unleashing to unsuspecting female folk.

“Every body loves Nick”
seemed to be the reason why Nick was hired! If I said Nick wasn’t lovable I would be lying and if I said he is bulliable I am even being more truthful. So I walk in Thinker extends a warm hand (my key board tried to type hug) no firm handshake you know those that your grandmother extends when she hasn’t seen for 5 years. I hear hes got this thing going with G and it would have not been very bright.

Odds got me sitting near Nick! He knew very well I would have preferred it near Mental but what the heck! Must do what he must to keep concubine since Mistress has found a better shoulder! Nick is a quiet schemer. So Nick gulped his first tequila, I knew very well he wasn’t a seasoned mlevi of this stuff. Anyway I watched closely as he did his first shuba doo (or what does Gishungwa call it) it was first very slow rubbing a nearby pole. He shamelessly flirted with the first waitress (forget it Blue was sitting all the time)

“Hey Ma’am what nice legs you have” So by that time Gishungwa was ready to help out Nick. The shuba doos weren’t working any more. Let the lap dance begin. Enyewe there Gish is a master. Hopeless Nick lost balance, kept his eyes on the waitress. Mastered how to put his legs in the right place that is between the thighs. When Hendrix came to the scene then he had to bow out and watch how that is being done.

The sobering effect of the lap dance got Nick asking for a fanta (why pay more I insist). So I help with a little vodka..Hey I got to watch this. “I have never seen your legs” you hear Thinker! He has never seen my legs!”@ I told him it could wait and it is not my fault he has never seen my leg. Hey you guys my my the next thing I knew a guy was down lifting my trouser. What do you call traumatic experiences! My ooh my. Relax my guy I told him. Luckily the go lucky happy waitress was back so Nick relaxed put his best behavior suit. Whoever said you can’t hide love.

The guy whispers in the waitress some stuff and the girl giggles. All this time I had not realized that Nick was the hopeless romantic here. He couldn’t even help me pour my drink .WTF (I had put him in the strange bedfellow status with romance). More tequila please! “Let the party begin”

Milo sat quietly, looking at Kenyan Pundit all the time (need I say again) throwing daggers at M. Apparently M had met her previously and there was more bonding. All the while Nick still doesn’t have the name of the waitress and quite frankly he frantically begged me to ask for her name. He promised to pour my drink at least and I got the name. Liz. Can you imagine Nick accused me of sexual harassment! After going all the way down he wanted to play victim. Witty Nick…

More lap dance more tequila, and by 10 p.m. some waitress worked no longer. Nick held her on his laps. I begged him to let the girl work so it happened all too fast. 2 seconds must have been…accurately.