Thursday, March 30, 2006

For you only

A look at the distance
And i see your toothless gum
Grinning at me
And though the smile will be faded
I still wonder
Will i be the one to give you that smile

When your hair has given up to the greying
When everyone in your company is a mzee
And everyone in my company is a cucu
For we will be wise
I still wonder
Will you hold the glue that will be us

Will you let me be the one woman
That you will cherish
Or will you let yourself stray
To the hands of deceitful women
Will you come home to me everyday
Or will you run your home from the bars
I still wonder
Will you let us be

Will i be the envy of the womenfolk
Or will you make us the story
Of the vanity of marriage
Will you listen to what i have to say
Even when what i have to say is useless
Wil you remember my 90th Birthday
I still wonder
If you could be the one

Will you give hope to our children
Will you be there to give them love and wisdom
Or will you shudder at how useless they are
Will you give them the wisdom of your years
Or will they run at your sight
I still wonder
If you are the one

Most of all
Will you love me
With my bad Kikuyu legs
With all the weight i shall gain after 4 births
With all my faults
Even when i cannot make you proud
Will you?

Monday, March 27, 2006


1. Black and White or Colour; how do you prefer your movies?

Black and white ( on a black and white Tv)
Colour (on a colour Tv)
It is a hard world outta here;

2. What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death?

3. MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favourite medium for pre-recorded music
depends on availability.
If I have no CD player I use tapes and they sound as good.
If I have a CD player , I play CDs
If I have an Mp3 one I use it.
Records ( not used them at any time)
Taabu mingi Africa. Sometimes not all these things are available and you have to use what you have and even like it.

4. You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going … Ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run?
For how long? No I wouldn’t leave everyone. And the copious activities? Maybe I carry Milo and of course sweet Nicky (wouldn’t leave you kid)

5. Seriously, what do you consider the world’s most pressing issue now?

6. How would you rectify the world’s most pressing issue?
I have never thought about it. Me no global saviour honestly.

7. You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be?

To alternate between the sexes. I think it is very unfair to be a woman or a man all your life.
The first 25 years I would have wanted to be a woman; then the next 35 years a man ( for obvious reasons).
Then the next 30 years a woman. I think I would still be a woman for most of the time.

8. You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be?
Colonialization. “ Now we have all these funny gadgets around us read computers, ipod nano, vcds,dvds Tvs ( too much to handle). Kusoma kwingi hakuongezi maarifa”
I would be celebrating my eighth kid bila stress. wake up, kwenda kuhunt then cook then sleep. Wake up and same routine , gossip about the hottest men with other Kikuyu women.
Probably be stolen by a Maasai warrior Njesus! Nolstagic memories I tell you.
Obviously I wouldn’t be wearing glasses and blogging!

9. A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole’ Opry –Which do you choose?

Sorry what are those?

10. What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you’d like to solve?

The murders of JM, Tom Mboya, James Mbai and my dear friend Njuguna (former HR Manager of KTDA who was shot to death at his house when his son was watching (RIP)
11. One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal?

Ok I would have no qualms dining with Jeffrey Archer.
I would serve him my favourite mukimo.
On a gistier day; maybe rice and chicken (I wonder if he eats those)

12. You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky — what’s the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact?

Who is John Lennon?

Immorality; are you daring me.

Four some (starring KM, Acolyte/ Instigator on the one part; and Shiroh , ……….) on the other part. You are free to propose yourself.

You have been tagged
KM, Aco, Nicky and Samborera

What is sensible?

When is the last time people looked upto you?

When is the last time you said you were something and they are like uuuh? She is that!

Wella wella.

Yesterday i went for a mentoring session at Starehe Girls (No Nick i am not telling on the other one).

Girls are disciplined. My goodness. I should be punished all over again by the headmistress for no discipline.

The girls wanted to talk about you know kawaida stuff; boys

LOL ati boys tell them "You have arrested my heart"
Gosh i wonder with what.

Then it was their mothers. "My mum thinks that every boy i talk to is a boy lover. So i wonder what is a boy lover? Boy what?

You may wonder why would a husband searching woman like me going to spend my afternoon with young girls. You don't want to look at their eyes when i said i was a lawyer and worse still when our chairlady said she was an engineer. The chicas could almost kiss the grounds we were walking on. No it was not for self gratification.

Half of these girls did not have hope that they were going to school any time soon leave alone high school. Most of these girls live with their grandmothers; they are orphans. They have probably never heard success in their families.

Privilege makes us assume many things.A lot. Until my mother left us i had never thought how life can be empty.

My mother would clean my clothes at that big age i was without question. I never had to worry about being hungry; someone had cooked. You never know what it is to be the mother; everyone looking at you for answers even your own father. Like why the hell did your brother drop in perfomance last term? I was not with him in school. So how do i know.

And yet these girls have hope. They have dreams and God bless them.

And they listened and we talked about everything. Anyway it was among the best days i have spent in my long life.

Do we have anything more to report on?

Daily Nation Headlines

Ex-ministers adapt to life outside Cabinet

Standard reports
LSK warns Kibaki on new party

Reality is i would like to know if those peoples hukos at the North Eastern if still starving.

Did the New Zealander give dog biscuits? Or what happened?

How is the Kengen IPO going?

BBC On Africa
Nigeria to give up Charles Taylor
Thousands flee from CAR violence

What is sensible? What is not?

Have a super week

Friday, March 24, 2006

The boy is mine

Me loves country and when I hear Dolly Patron singing “Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeene , please don’t take my man away” feels like crying.

He he he (laughing at my own jokes which only I can understand)

Now this guy (married) walks in with two women and sits in a place close to where I am sitting in a restaurant.

After a while, the woman shouts in Kikuyu English

“Don’t you know he is a married man?”

I look, such dramaz are interesting.

The girl says something like

“I have my own personal rights”

Guy says

“Wachana na yeye”

Woman says

“Hata unamtetea”

Suddenly the woman who I suspect must have roots in Nyeri holds the girl’s blouse and some of the chest unmentionabos copyright at Milos are out.

That my dudes and dudettes happened yesterday.

Luckily the waiter comes in fast and the poor girl is rescued. Hell hath no fury like a mama scorned.

He he he me kwanza I was telling my date I would have chapad the dude a mega slap,.why shindanilia with a poor gal like that.

Wasichana wa Nairobi lakini wana tabia mbaya
Kuhanyahanya mabwana za wenyewe –tabia mbaya

The number of young girls dating people’s husbands is magnanimous. And prease prease don’t start on the women not taking care of their husbands. Gals simply are having tabia mbayas. Don’t care.

Secretaries kwanza are notorious..yeah my hussie will probably have an old woman in the name of a seki.

Kwani being a seki means being a mistress,personal assistant,; taking care of mdosis all kinds of business. Give me a break!

Sometimes I wish there is a away I could a way I could know a guy is kulain on the side. Sperm counter is a plot ama Milo niaje. But I am sure they would come up with lies like “Aki a mungu I was thinking about you and the damn things mwagikad” ama huko mastrap on.

Aco and Nick i have all of you figured out. Bring it on...

Have all of you a lovely weekend.

Yours truly.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Battle of the sexes

Shiro says “Some Kenyans are broke”
Results : a lot of protestations; ooh generalization..ooh sijui sensible woman

Udi says
“And does a blog blowjob feel as good as a real one. Coz I am having a probo meeting kenyan women who give nice head.”

No one talks.

Ok Kenyan women the key to giving nice head is not to give one at all. See at Nakeels.

Introverteds even say “Women must take care of the Act so as not to fertilize their own seeds. Wazi Milo again. If you don’t want a kid, you have no business asking for some.

Someone tell me what is wrong with our Kenya Yetu Daily. I mean NYD. Bring it men.

As a result of my previous post I will have to kiss up to Mental. He actually thinks that Lunje brother is him despite Milo swearing its OWW. Now Mental is the sweetest man ever. The day I met him, he even dropped me home! A thing many men cannot do since I live a bit far.

Come here her Mental (((((((((((((Mental))))))))))))))))))). Now how is an e kiss given Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Mental. I hope Ms K doesn’t read this or am dead.

I did not have any date over the weekend. Not any so Tomas I did not have a bad date. Since I hear you are a sweet under 18 is how?

Joe, I am a sensible woman. I will still hug you.

Guess would you mind releasing M to KM? Mafia to Kenyan Mafia

Just to say I appreciate you all. You make my day. KBW rocks!

Did I hear Milo will be down here in April? And he has even booked a place at Wanjeris where there is a well endowed waitress who gives him stories at the weird hour of the night. Remember Milo all women look good after midnight.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Man Day Rant

Unedited Version

That will sound more like a Man Day Rant coz it is

The more I avoid alcoindulgence the more it fuatas me!

If I was still watering beds like I did a decade ago, imagine the stench!! wasalalah

So yours truly here is sufferin on man DAY asubuhi becoz she can’t wachana with alco (ya sare or otherwise)

I thought the Armenians were unwanted until jana.

You want the Armenians out, women want more Armenians in.

Waarmenia, spend on average Ksh. 150.000 on food,----------- and their girlfriends!!! Jesus their girlfriends!!!

Why not be a girlfriend and earn Ksh. 20,000 (rumor has it) every day. And they ati don’t ask for strokage copyright at Muts. Where at Armenians,….Junction, Mediterra…(yes that one)

Kenyan brodas are broke broke broke …e….e…..e…..e. yes all of you brothers taking us to mouth watering nyama choma joints mshindweeeeeeeee. Iko Armenian brodas. I hear after Armenians are Nigerian bros yo! Wakenya tafuteni pesa..a.a…a

Iko the sambaza me type. Nisambaze a sok my guy nimpigieko kasimu my guy. Please call me thank you…….and a sister asks “But why thou ask thee to call thou my guy” I love you sisto. Love on my Credit. Mshindweeeee………

But this one “ I am about to shuka sweetie, si you just kuja to the bus stop and hook me up with a finje………” Style up!!

Cheapstakes! Aint no golddigger but aint dealing with a broke nigga yo! Kenyan sistos are saying. Mwache hiyo tambia ya kutoanisha madame. Yes you stop!!!

Real Event
Those of you who know Parklands jua Engen where cool guys hang out
Muthuri: sweetie can I take you out for dinner
Mutumia: ooh yeah
Knowing a lunje broda can be broke fortunately carries her kapurse

After dinner, dude decides huko sijui he has lost cash! Akwende huko you Lunje brother (loser). Lost money wapi? Can we report to the police? Money lost auuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

All those Kenyan cheapstakes muwache tabia mbaya. Check your money not lost before dinner.

Ati ooh
Mamanzi wa siku hizi are expensive. They want to be taken out sijui every week. Tafuta pesos, rands,dollars, euros, mashilingi.. Women are goddesses you hear me na mshindwe tena! ,. No pain no gain.

Female folk suffering
Where in Kenya
Waarmenia mko wapi???

Friday, March 17, 2006


Happy Birthday Nicholas and with that smile .

I like that picture;sometimes i wish i was a work of art. Paloma of Cuandos Seas Mia looks like a work of art.

What am i saying?

Ati now that there is mnyambuliko of blogging

I almost had a bad week. But me don't allow such things.
So i went to the Club yesterday.

My God why do somethings have to be done in aerobics class. Methinks they are better off as bedroom acrobatics. To add pleasure in the whole up and down.

Now that it is Friday; what? No alcohol No meat! Aki Lent.

Tell a Friend's Secret

You all have those secrets that your friends tell you under oath.
Now such secrets sometimes destroy you, make you ache to tell someone but you realize you just can’t. Some are hilarious and others downright sad.
With no further ado;

Coitus Interruptis

My pal and his/her other significant went to have dinner on a Friday night. It must have been on one of those restaurants where it takes quite some time to have your dinner. So they decided to engage in such like activities in the back of the car as they were waiting for dinner to be ready.

In the heat of things (that is my own not as told) the watchman of the hotel came knocking on the window of the car and it was over. Little to say they paid for a dinner which they didn’t consume.

When told such a story do you ;

I chose to imagine
When caught; you dress up (assuming they were not dressed or partly dressed) quickly assuming that the watchman did not see any coital movement.

If you are the chic look down blushingly pretending you did not see what was cuttin. Look at the jamaa to see his reaction. Both of you are feeling so ashamed for you could have waited till you get home.

Tip (Ok bribe) the watchie heavily and drive out as fast as you can to avoid any further discussions.

Moral of the story: There are rooms in a hotel which charge per hour to cater for the type who can’t wait for dinner to get ready.

I need to rename my avatar; ebu suggestions. I don't want to be buzzted.

My secret; When my dad bought me the first phone, i hardly remember sleeping. Overexcitement.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


I had a tantalizing post in mind but those dead cells have refused to churn what marked the third Meet up of KBW.

In the mix of Kengen IPO, Goldbiz,dental practices and customer service, the KBW meet up sounds like a TED conference. Totally lacking were lap dance, tequila sips, waitress harassment but more (which remains hidden until the saboteurs own up)

In attendance
Kenyan Musings

3 people who probably heard of KBW that same day

Persons who claim were in attendance but highly blame it on me for otherwise

Persons who couldn’t make it
Ms K (Not feeling well)
M (job mingi)

The M Mafia keeps terrorizing; so they were obviously up to something.

I do not have the contacts (Phone)
Kenyan Pundit

See the trend of the K’s.

Statement of the night

Ajamaa to KM

“You are for real KM, I thought you were a bright dog”

To say the truth, we had a blast and went home at the wee hours of the morning (read after 4).

I will spare all of you your misgivings until the dead cells are rejuvenated. Have all a superb time.

Milo; you are eagerly awaited.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Will be back

Allow me ladies and gentlemen to take a short break to rejuvenate some dead cells.

Be back soon. Feel free to miss me.

I cannot leave you like that.

Love this song

I believe in You........Don Williams

I don't believe in superstars,
Organic food and foreign cars.
I don't believe the price of gold;
The certainty of growing old.
That right is right and left is wrong,
That north and south can't get along.
That east is east and west is west.
And being first is always best.

But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.

Well, I don't believe that heaven waits,
For only those who congregate.
I like to think of God as love:
He's down below, He's up above.
He's watching people everywhere.
He knows who does and doesn't care.
And I'm an ordinary man,
Sometimes I wonder who I am.

But I believe in love.
I believe in music.
I believe in magic.
And I believe in you.

Well, I know with all my certainty,
What's going on with you and me,
Is a good thing.
It's true, I believe in you.

I don't believe virginity,
Is as common as it used to be.
In working days and sleeping nights,
That black is black and white is white.
That Superman and Robin Hood,
Are still alive in Hollywood.
That gasoline's in short supply,
The rising cost of getting by.

But I believe in love.
I believe in old folks.
I believe in children.
I believe in you.

But I believe in love.
I believe in babies.
I believe in Mom and Dad.
And I believe in you.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Honouring them

To honour International Womens Day i will link to the story of a woman who went through all odds to become a successful model. The story is so touching, almost like works of fiction . Her name is Waris Dirie

Tell me what you think about it.

Friday, March 03, 2006


Michuki has not irked me the way Kenyans have.! I say i irk myself.

It is never the events that happen around me that annoy me, it is the reactionary mechanism that will kill me.

It is official, Kenyans reactionary mechanism is boring,the same and outrightly mouthy.

Whoever says "put your money where your mouth is".

We attract dictators the same way honey attracts bee or who attracts each other.

We are hearing from time to time "RESIGN" WHAT? WHO? Former President is enjoying his retirement somewhere in Kabarnet Gardens, his sons continue to run his businesses. I cannot be doubted to think he still lives in opulence and this time with a lot of peace of mind.



We have developed a way of thinking that "ONCE YOU ARE IN THEN THE MONEY STARTS ROLLING" By you resigning "YOU WILL NO LONGER ENJOY THE MONEY"


KIRAITU,SAITOTI,MURUNGARU,RAILA,KALONZO,are no longer in Government, do you see them driving 1200 c.c. pickups like you do.


I am saying this because people think that the only way to show the Government that you are annoyed is by not voting FOR THEM in 2007. YOU DIDN'T VOTE FOR MOI IN 2002, LOOK AT WHAT FACES YOU NOW!



Thursday, March 02, 2006


We are a 100

I will be sharing one true article i found when i was still probably 20. It is called The Three Cardinal Sins. Priceless

Still going a long way. Shuddered by the breaking news today.

I am afraid to be the crowd shouting as themselves. Lets wait and see. Let us not crucify, though it is very tempting to do so. Full story first and I am reminded again that i am lawyer first then a layman second.

Anyway this post is just to shout to all who care to listen that i have 100 posts to my belt. I wonder if that qualifies me for a Caine Prize.

Keep your noses Clean to borrow from Mr. Mafioso of Askmen.Com

Still reminding you that all who are interested in the Meet up to contact Nick Boo and yours truly here.

March 11th is the date since Bankelele is watching Arsenali and all those other games on 12th.

And oooh, Kenya bloggers were being interviewed by Ben Singer of Nation. I wonder what he will write! Not holding my breath though...

Milo will host one in your honour in April and Kenyan Gal in June.

I am tempted to give my number but nooooooooooo......