Friday, April 28, 2006

You all thought i was gonna let this pass

I am sure folks you were waiting for juicy gossip from me on the meet up and then Monday Blues caught up with me and i couldnt give you them.

On arrival

I walk into buffet park and Naks (co_host) is sitting with my ka-under eighteen called Tomas and Milo.

So we sit, Milo and Naks are both into football and some match is playing. Between idle talks Milo is watching foota fervently.

Murmur one
" I hope KM just shows up and delivers"

After all the award was a great one.

We tell Milo that KM is a soft and shy one.

So guys began to kuja one by one...

Kritik comes in after some calls and settles. Agizas his powerful one.

Milo tells us he has to get 3 seconds (don't ask what)

Enter Gish (looking like she was run over by Richot and clearly the girl has been on nights)

Gish is a high powered gal.

Wangu makes a haste entry and settles down and agizas a cold fanta.

Anyway soon Ms K (the blogger one would most want to meet) come in with none other than the man who owes allegiance to me (Nicholas Gichu). No comment.

Ms K agizas a Pilsner and a cold one at that. Very warm gal and now i know why all of you want to meet her. Nick of course is into fantas and tea (wonders he didnt agiza for some milk)

So it has started drizzling and we have to go and ingia ndani.

We pay our bills. Mdogo mdogo Milo has done a strange disappearing act. 3 Seconds mpaka!! (don't read anything)

Soon the Malts msichana by name Naks has taken are beginning to show effects. Now i know what gal means by she is a plate. Tomas and Kritik are having the gals attention all at intervals. Wewe Tomas si we agreed you were my under eighteen?

Anyway we know who had the day.

So Tomas now has to leave. He tells me that the previous day he had received strokes and he has resolved regular strokage ni muhimu. So he leaves in a haste saying he has a family dinner to attend. Now all you know why he left..

KM kama kawaida sneaks in more than 4 hrs into the meeting. Milo kaguas nicely and by his looks he is not disappointed by what he sees. So between sitting on Nick and Milo taking each a chance to talk to her. Guys cant you just see the girl has just gotten a lay.

By the end of the night guys have all gone their separate ways. Some of us ended going home at 3 in the morning. Yes we did all have fun and i have photos to show.

Milo dropped KM.

Half the story again. One day i will tell all the story.

Anyway I will take a Leave of Abscence. I have an exam in June so....

Do take care.

Miss me.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Kenya and Thieves

We are an amazing country.

Today shameless members of Parliament added their mileage claims or whatever!!!

I will not delve into the issues of them being thieves as they have suffered enough



Of course the Mps are thieves and I have not known so today. Their acts might as well claim more than Goldenberg or Anglo leasing. They embrace the haba na haba hujaza kibaba. Let’s just put it this way they have no any iota of service in them. They are in it for the money.

Off to more important things

Safaricom is another thief

The company makes magnanimous amounts of profits yet keeps charging us obscene amounts to make calls and send sms.

Safaricom is the true illustration that time is money

During off peak they charge Ksh 11.00 per minute yes 60 seconds of talking costs your damn ass Ksh. 11 so an hour of talking costs you Ksh. 660. And you say talk is cheap.

And that is off peak, during peak hours it is Ksh. 30 per minute Santa Maria. I am better off calling abroad for Ksh. 10, it is cheaper. We need help!!!

And every hour someone is talking. So why can’t the damn costs just go down. I hope Huawei Technologies (See Bankelele)saves our dumb asses

Secondly the network is crap. That network could as well be borrowed from Vodafone because I don’t believe that their engineers actually work on original network. No it has to be photocopy. My calls from the Diaspora are usually mostly “Hello, can you hear me” C’mon guys you can do better.

The mobile phone costs me so much and it is not until today when I say the expense tracker on Nations new magazine called Money that it hit me just how much I spend on calls and I mostly sms people not even call.

This situation has been letwad by the duopoly. We need like 7 more mobile operators. That way we will be having offers like

“Call one minute for Ksh.1, get another one free” Mayao I can’t wait. The entry of Kencell (Now Celtel) brought the line to about 100 Ksh from obscene amounts like 3,000. so we now want the calls to go down.

By the way Kenyans I don’t know if all of you know of sasanet
where you can sms for 2.50 and they have an easy way of topping up you know. They also have free sms but I don’t like the trailer for Nakumatt then guys keep asking you if you are doing advertisements (inaudhi)

Just a thought
Kenyans must be the most stolen from people

Sample this

Your Government Anglo Fleeces you

Your Mps steals from you

Your local Kauzi mugs you huko in the estate

The pick pocketers in town pick pocket you

The carjackers not only car jack the mathree but also rid you of your valuables

If you live on Thika Road, the matatu guys pandisha fares at whims. Yaani it drizzles the fare goes up by 50%

And then there is Safaricom, the mother of them.

And there are lawyers

Land Grabbers

Institution grabbers

The list of thieves is endless

Sasa tutabaki na nini?

Aki you know what there no point. Kenya should just be sold to Bill Gates as my pal suggested like the way Abramovich bought Chelsea. Yeah just like that. I am kidding right.

By the way peoples I am looking for a scholarship to anywhere but countries like Uzbec, Kazakhstan…ama other African countries except SA. I might as well live for a year without being stolen from. Scholarship is for Post Grad. If you know hook me up with details.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Why do you blog

Why do you blog?

If someone asked you why you blog what would you say?

To record my ideas

To share my world

It is my personal diary

But truly why do you blog?

Do you hope to become a writer

Are you a writer already

I have been at it for an year plus and I cannot say why I do it.

It’s just an addictive habit.

The whole bloggin thing includes Blog hoing also known as reading other blogs and commenting

Just to ask you why do you blog?

Not why you started blogging but why do you keep doing it??

We all know that the reasons we started bloggin is no longer what keeps us. In a way KBW has helped me keep blogging.

The truth is some of us didn’t know the word blog came from the word weblog or who even came up with teh idea of blogging. Side bar

Why i quit blogging

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Most Annoying Things

Tagged by Wangu

10 Most Annoying things

Flashing anonymously

Flashing is bad enough; doing so anonymously don’t go there.
Only do so if we have such an arrangement.
Then Safaricom goes ahead to introduce Flash back….

Drunk and behaving badly

You get some few shillings, buy some Kenya cane and some God knows what lethal concoctions and gallop it like there is no tomorrow.

And on top of that start fighting everyone you meet in the club; Sheesh

Go to sleep you are too drunk.

Bouncing dates

Yeah that is another thing I can’t stand. Women or men- be courageous enough to say you won’t make it however. Those are behaviours of undergrown men and women.

Ati just because the art of seduction said so.


Yeah being met with pucky smells of your under arms should I almost used the word flabbergasted (to show the magnitude) be the last thing you want to unleash on unsuspecting Kenyanfolk.

I was sitting in the church another day and a jamaa sat next to me. He kwanza was smelling sweaty underarms and on top of that proceeded to fart. Gosh the horror!!

Inability to say Please and Thank You

Since Wangu already talked about Body Checks.

Some guy hits you and will not bother to say “Sorry” . Mshindwe. Next time you hit me, I will Conji you properly.

When I go out of my way to do something “Please say thank you”

Picking other peoples things without permission

For some of us who have small sisters, it is so obvious that this woman looking forward to be like you will move your items to be their own. That is forgiven

But when endless relatives descend on everything new and good you have, then I start to get mad (almost calling the police).

There are people who have the habit of picking up other peoples things ati just becoz they can see them just lying somewhere.

Enforcing your own rules publicly

Have you ever ingiad a matatu playing nice music and suddenly someone shouts from the back that the music should be switched off. I am one of those people who believe if you don’t want music in a matatu then board one that doesn’t play.

Quit giving your own private opinions to the public. The trouser maybe hip hugging but you are under no moral or social obligation to keep declaring it to every Tom, Dick and Harry. My opinion and yours could differ. Respect that.

Snooping into other peoples lives

Some people think the more they know about each and everyone’s petty gossips the more popular they become. This is very common among college mates and workmates. Leave me alone Stupid!

Find another hobby.

Distress calls

I have said again that I have some friends who think my phone is for distress calls. As Guess once said on people waking her up while she is sleeping; call dial 999 and 112.

My phone has capacity for friends who are real not persons who think of me when they are in trouble or in need of advice or whatever God knows what. But anyway I know I will still come even if you call me but all I am saying hiyo ni tabia mbaya.

Problem Shifters

You can’t blame everyone else but yourself for problems. It is always someone else never you.

Ama people who think all their problems are caused because the Government did not do this or that. Common get your act and move on. Do something, sitting there and waiting for the Government will not solve your problems.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Of Kaybees and Meet up

Congratulations to all those who bagged the Kaybees Awards.

Voting was not easy as competition was stiff and it was hard to choose who to vote and who not to vote.

Anyway the fourth blog meetup was held on Saturday 22nd April 2006.

In attendance

Ms K
Tomas (under 18)

By phone

Special Appearance

Thinker could not attend the meet up as he was working. And a hint of play as he wrote to say a certain M was in the coast where he was going to work.

It was great meeting you all.

Rumour has it
Blog romance in the air but i am not telling.

For those waiting for pics...just wait..

Have a nice week

Side Bar

Africa never misses an opportunity to illustrate that they cannot do without the white man

Thursday, April 20, 2006


Inspired by Mental and Bankelele,this post is to request all yah who go for holidays to hook me up with vital travel websites

The ones i have been hooked up are

(courtesy of Kipepeo)

I am sure they are many more.

The Key here is reasonable cost and convenience.

On the Meetup
Since i am not working from kesho wacha i give you last minute details

Meeting will be at Buffet Park
On Saturday
As from 3-4 onwards
Hope to see you there.

And good news Milo is back for who this meet up is a welcome back. We promised last time so hopefully for Kenyan Gal in June again and my promises will be over.

I promise some pictures (like those of Mocha DJ)

Enjoy your weekend thoroughly and hook me up guys!!!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Is holiday really over

It will take a long time to recover from this holiday it seems.

I feel like hating on Aco because it was his Birthday yesterday
Seeing that Aco is on a chaste mission I can only ask:

What if Aco had a babe and she wanted some

Is Aco chilling becoz he wants to or is it he has been promised marriage if he can chill

Aco has almost exhausted his sperm bank and at that rate it is running out

Aco is a virgin

Aco junior has let him down

Aco is under serious clinical stress

Aco is learning boxing

Aco has met a virgin

Aco realized the gals are going to kill him

Aco is recovering from over indulgence

Aco is saving himself for the next

Aco is yet to meet KM

Aco think not being chaste is being used

Hating over (ducking stones)

Happy Birthday Aco…May you live to see your chilling days as a waste of Valuable Recovery Time,.or Valuable Copulation Time wasted

Anyway I hope you had a fantastic Easter. Me went down to Malindi and twas fantastic (don’t ask how)

Now on the Meet Up
To be more specific the following people have not forwarded their numbers to me

Prousette (a.k.a Mama Nyumi)
Afro M

I have the following numbers
Ms K

Kenyan Pundit (be out of country)
Nairobi Gay Man (thinks he will fall for me)

I know I have forgotten some names and I am dearly sorry. My email remains

Hope you all voted.

Some Categories i would have come up with

Blogger you don’t get what they are saying until after reading the comments and the post 3 times

Blogger I would like to kiss

Blogger you would want to give a BJ

Most intelligent blogger

Blogger with the sexiest eyes I have seen
Milonare….those machos sweetie talk a lot of sex

The bulliable blogger
Nick darling

Blogger with body to die for
Chatterly ..that avatar mami

Fantasy blogger

Most pussy whipped blogger

Blogger likely to have a ka-rabbit
Ms K

Sweetest blogger

Blogger I would like to meet in a dark street

Mushy blogger
Kenyan Gal

Blogger likely to wail after the game
Kenyan Musings

Thursday, April 13, 2006


I have been nominated for the official KBW comment Ho!! (sorry to those who are offended by that word). Yeah i am learning to accept achievements slowly but surely.
Anyway besides that i talked to Nakeel (still the coolest blogger to me, i mean gal is so sweet) and we sort of thought of organizing another meet up on 22nd April 2006.

I must say organizing a meet up is not easy coz Kenyans are not easy people. So the only thing you can do for me is VOTE FOR ME!!!!

Where: You suggest. Though with my love for Buffet Park; Space and convenience.

Ground Rules
Don't make this hard for Me and Nakeel.

Words i will not accept
Maybe i will come. I want assurance you are coming.

I know we are many; inviting each and everyone personally is difficult. So just contact me via email. sylkwan AT

I will give you my number for those who have never attended before when you email me.

I repeat Don't make this hard for me and Nakeel.

Joe could there be anything we don't know.Despite the fact that i respect people's views and opinions, i think those allegations are groundless and baseless.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


Ok I read somewhere that Pisces are poetic, moody and escapists. Gosh! Hard truths those are. The fortune teller was right!!

Escapism Anonymous (Therapist Session)

My name is Shiro escapist. Yeah you idiot you are such an escapist (conversation with self) whispering so that the other escapist idiots do not hear me. I have been an escapist probably since I was zero.

I can imagine them listening to such stories

My mum had a very difficult birth i refused to dive into the world. How complicated I refused to turn down, I stood up. Gosh gosh slaps self. I wanted to escape the world. Probably I wanted to jump out through the mouth instead of squeezing down…ok I can’t say that. Call me an escapist, it started there.

Keguro, Ms K and all the other Pisces I know are listening carefully to see if they inhabited such like habits. Luckily they didn’t.

Come to think of it, the only reason my mum never beat me after I turned 8 is because she never caught up with me. I could escape only to find my lil sis has been whipped like no nonsense. I could even sleep at my cuzos to avoid the thwacking or wait until my dad comes and I slip into the house pole pole tu. Poor woman!!!

As you guessed it my dad never chapad me for the same reason catching up with me was/is a daunting task. Poor lil sis aki the beating she has gone through coz of my escapist habits. No wonder she is so thin!

And it doesn’t end there. I am a total escapist upto this day.

Picture this

There was this guy I thought we were going out (read KM on this topic). Actually I was totally taken by the Giriama boy vibaya, I could have fed on love. I didn’t actually think there was a possibility it could be otherwise.

So one day I walked into the club with a pal of mine (God bless her). So we hang out kidogo. Then guess what the Giriama boy walks in kidogo I am seeing some babe nyuma. Ooih sweet heavens! Santa Maria SPELL H.E.A.R.T.B.R.E.A.K.

Boy sees me (my God he had such a sexy Kiswahili voice and his jokes mamamy..ook I digress kidogo) comes over, says hi and guess what boy says “tutaonana” . since when “tutaonana kitu gani?!!. Gosh I remember clearly “you wore a red sweatshirt and blue jeans”.

Anxiety, pressure rises, incoherent speech, I lost faith in mankind till today.

So anyway he goes, hangs out with babe, I see them laughing, whispers, let’s dance.

Enyewe let me tell you this was my longest night. Yaani usiku mrefu.

So what do I do; I just chill with my chic pal with her boyfy. I didn’t confront to ask ati is how that babe. Me and my escapism cant allow. Luckily is like some pretty boys know when I am in shidas.

So a pretty boy came and we talked (ofcourse he could see my concentration was zero) and my other Giriama boy was a bit jealous (my point ofcourse). As in I could be ported in escapism and taken to Bahamas but never accept to face the truth. Todate I have never known who babe was at least from him, I cannot ask. Later a friend told me of the Giriamas boy and his slutty ways.

You know what it took me another 3 years to even date another man. I took to full flirting and just men hanging around me (yaani somewhere in a kadistance) but never in my life. It worked perfectly for me; until one day I realized I could not live like that.

So warning to all those who send me messages with sexual overtones. I simply do not respond to such because I cannot deal with having to tell you I am not into such messages from you. I escape, in short! Or I am not ready to engage into that kind of activity so I will not encourage you. I digress from the session.

Let me admit, I am the kind of people who drink to avoid stress. If you see me drinking every day just know I am escaping from stress. I cannot afford to be sad, no I will escape to happiness (trust me). Only of late will you see me dull for real.

I don’t deal with issues; they somehow go away. I don’t confront my friends to ask them why they did these or whatever, it simply fades away to oblivion. I will be cold but that is it, once it is over, it is over..and that is simply me.

Session to be continued……….with confessions from other pisces escapists….

Monday, April 10, 2006

Compatibility or lack thereof

Confession: Blogger block has caught up with me. So i am struggling to write this post.

My friend is dating this sweet man. As a matter of fact it is a guy i like as a person. He does all the right things. I am sure he cannever forget her birthday, will throw in bunches of roses at the right time. Will stop everything if she said come and come now. He is a good person so to speak.

I am sure you are wondering and so what is the problem? I for a long time thought thattheirs was a match in heaven. I mean i have a bad habit of dating people who don't treat me well. But there is trouble in that house. And this trouble is sheer lack of bedroom skills.

Leading to the first equation

Good Boyfriend= Bad Lover


Good girlfriend= Bad Lover

If you are a good mathematician you might wish to extrapolate the equation and see what you get.

And it is such a problem that she is even considering a break up. I feel compelled to tell her not to break up with him but there is nothing i can do. The lack of this compatibility is a big problem.

I am sure there are many guys who have also experienced such kind of shidas with their good mamas. So often while we may all wish for this goddess,, it doesn't always happen.

And when i read this post though the writer could not understand why women are attracted to him when all he does is hurt them.Truth be told, sexual compatibility is crucial for a good relationship. And that is why women will keep going back to guys like that guy who keep hurting them.

This brings to my conclusion that you cannot have everything. I am not saying I will strut the Paris catwalk before you can get a good boyfriend and a good lover and vice versa. No infact some people I know have had both.

I had this mama friend, the chic is supa dupa fly (is there such a word) as in curves right places. Then she is going out with this dude who is not all that but he is a good man in her opinion. Then dude will once in a while talk about his ex. The way she is sluty and all that. But at the end of the day dude rudianas with this sluty ex to her peril. Good girl lost again.

So what happens with these good people? Do you help them work on their inferior bedding skills. Do you go ahead and marry them after all we are oftenly told “marry a man/girl you trust”. Can you live with 30+ years of a bad lay? You know it can be hurting to be told “aiii Shiroh, your kanyangain skills are wanting”.

If you were in my pal’s (being a gal or a jamaa ) position, what would you do?

Breaking News:

Plane crash

Rumour has it that it has killed 4 MPs, among them a Brilliant lawyer

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

100 things

There was a time, doing a list of 100 things was in vogue. I never got to do here they come. Hate me

100 things

1. since you have all decided that I was pranked
2. then I guess I am gullible
3. but still i have an ample chest
4. i am a first born
5. stubborn
6. arrogant sometimes
7. fiercely independent
8. lazy sometimes
9. intelligent
10. don’t mind alcohol indulgence
11. but I am not an alcoholic
12. easily depressed
13. rarely fall in love
14. I like nice men
15. As in pastorly/priestly
16. likes laughing
17. easily bored
18. hate mundane conversation
19. easily drift away
20. loves intelligent people
21. few people like me on first sight
22. you can only like me after a while
23. I am a good conversationalist
24. easy to talk to
25. very accommodative
26. easily intimidate men
27. making them feel like I am married
28. but that changes after they hang around me
29. I easily tire
30. my concentration span is very low
31. I think I am brighter than many mama sitas
32. judgmental
33. I could have done better in class
34. but I am a bit lazy
35. love my brothers
36. I don’t have a best friend
37. I have a few people I believe are my good friends
38. I need a makeover
39. I need to lose about 10 kgs
40. I am doing nothing about it
41. I love mango juice
42. I have never been hit by a marriage bug
43. no one has ever proposed to me
44. and I don’t see anyone doing so soon
45. partly becoz not many people wouldn’t want to marry a lawyer
46. I hate my legs
47. that is why I am rarely in short things
48. I hate wearing spects
49. I am half way there
50. I love reading
51. Very few people around me love reading
52. I have acted as a relationship counselor
53. For many of my friends
54. And yet I get into bad relationships all the time
55. My friends are likely to call me when in trouble
56. or when they need advise
57. But rarely think about me when they are having fun
58. I hate attending weddings
59. and funerals
60. I don’t apply make up
61. unless I have to
62. I love good music
63. I believe bad music, bad movie, bad food can kill you slowly
64. I am not photogenic
65. I hate a lot of attention
66. I have toddler like tantrums
67. but you would have to be very close to me to notice
68. I don’t own a car
69. I snap a lot
70. I am patient
71. rarely that is
72. I like men in touch with their feminine side
73. I am not shy
74. I was good at mjadalas in primary school
75. I like learning
76. I hate fights
77. some people think I like having my way all the time
78. which I do not disagree
79. I admire honest peeps
80. I am a character reader
81. I have no time for gossips and cheats
82. I will easily kick them out of my company
83. I am rarely in debt
84. because I have learnt to live with what I can afford
85. I think I am lucky too
86. I hate my childhood memories
87. I don’t like most of my relatives
88. I was taken to boarding school
89. when I was only 8 years old
90. I don’t regret it though
91. Roses or not
92. it doesn’t matter
93. I love chocolate though
94. I believe you are what you make yourself
95. I Love people
96. I come from a broken home
97. shopping for bags, call me
98. This is therapeutic
99. And those are
100 hundred things about myself

Edit one
Challenged to do 100 things

KM you are lucky becoz i know your 150 list is hiding somewhere.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Breast Enlargement

Saturday 10.40.
This guy calls me and on a private namba; ushindwe

Hello My name is Chris (If he were a mono and i a second former i could have been tempted to ask him if he has one name like a mbwa).

I work at Marie Stopes and i would like to ask you if you would be interested in breast enlargement.

Shiro: Breast what?

Chris: Your friend said you could be interested.

(Earnestly wanting to end the conversation at this time

Shiroh: NO No No

Chris: We were asking around and your friend said you could be interested. We are having this test on persons and we are looking for ten people

Shiroh: I don't want!

Chris: Ok

I have/will not be interested in breast enlargement in the 4 centuries to come. Haki a Mungu i have fake friends.

Me, a guinea pig, and for Breast enlargement.

If you were a messenger who i could shoot, Chris you should have received a thousand obscenities. Thankfully i was still sleeping.

I think doctors are wasting their time. Why cant they come up with things like Brain enlargement, Shoulder enlargement (for guys).

First of all i think those who go for breast enlargement are obnoxious (insert word of choice). I am proudly (blowing trumpet here) amply endowed. I can only be used as a dummy for the ones who want to have a breast enlargement. Yaani nimesimama hapo alafu naangaliwa na anayefanywa hiyo breast enlargement anaulizwa kama anataka kama zangu (you get the drift)

Secondly i will not accept to be a guinea pig for anything.

For substance i consumed yesterday i have suddenly suffered dead brain cells; so the post is over. Have a nice week.

And ooh i realized why i don't like Coke and confirmed again that Nandos Pizzas are wack.

If you had recovered from this like me then you have to wait for this one and see what is new. Somehow i can tell the dead instigator is back and with a bang. We are watching you kidd.

Edit 2

Some words (call it a poem if you wish)

Body gives in to pleasure
Thought give in to ecstasy
Mind gives in to love

You love
I love
You cry
I cry
You moan
I moan

Taken for a minute
You give every secret
You let out her name
I lay there

I hurt
You continue
Consumed by desire
You lust
You don’t know it
I just lay there

You look at me
I look at you
Where is the love
Where is your heart?
How could you be?
Why to me

A thought comes across
All the distant thoughts
All the busy.ness
The time you don’t have
The assignments

This cannot be happening to me!
Of course Not