Village folktales & other stories

I have travelled to 3 villages over the last 5 days and so i speak with authority.

In the village, darkness falls.

In the village, when it rains, it pours

The jogoos of the village crow at 6 while those of the city crow at 4. Ubaguzi hapo

Anyway i wish i could give you all the tales.

I hope you all had a jolly Merry Xmas, thanks for your kind messages.

So i have realized Ali Makwere and his folks at the traffic department should all be fired.

It seems that the drivers of the matatus have just discovered the meaning of the word "Speed Thrills". I swear only the God can protect our poor souls at their hands.

Well, just to wish a Happy Productive New Year. I will pray for you all.

Happy holidays

Its been a bit friggn long since i blogged. I haven't lost any mojo but yours truly has no connection of any kind even a Safcom one ingalau to blog as i sleep. Anyway as Nyota Ndogo would say "Mambo yanavyokwenda kombo"or something sorta.

I am fabulous, free, brighter and broke!

Obviously not as fu**ed up as a High School teenager who is not only is pregnant but the mother is the chairlady of Mothers Union or the Guild and the father the chairman of Chama cha Wanaume kanisani. I guess thats worse so i am brilliant.

The only thing though is i feel like an empty brain, do they call them derelicts. Like i only respond to
1.There is a bash ats......

2. We be hooking up at ....

3. It coulda been shopping at but refer to bright and broke comment above

And nothing beats a Free December ever!!! Not in Kenya or rather in Nairobi. Wachana with all those clowns wearing some funny santa...kofias at Kenchic to emphasize its Xmas. I so friggin know its Xmas. What?

If i could i could quit every December i could but none the only wiser. Like saving 6 months expenses as Manyara Kirago says every Saturday. If you don't know who that is consult your Saturday nation. Like who doesnt know they should save their 6 months expenses. Look my expenses are all my salary. So like how? No!! i am kidding.

Like Infidelity in Nairobi

I guess it is official. The Nairobian men/women are like the Hollywood Wives & Husbands as described by Jackie Collins. I mean you know she says "show me a married man and i will show you a man whos willy looks everywhere but to the wives"

So there is this buzzted talks, some sort of public investigator stuff. Ingalau private investigator only announces that your ass is being cheated on in private, this one does it on Radio and in the morning. It is not funny hearing a man over 25 years of age saying "Its over" after hearing a chic sayin the boyfy is called "Steve" and the girl saying "ooh Steve is my ex" He he he. Thats the stuff Nairoberry is made of Unfaithful men & Women.

Apart from that i have been told that Shiku of Easy FM is no presenter. And that Sanaipei Tande should concentrate her efforts in singing and leave Radio to the Connoiseurs.

Project Fame
I had thought of writing something like "Negativity for hire, contact Ian Mbugua"

I am still not convinced that Valerie Kimani won the Tusker Project Fame Award. Lemme tell you ati because it was so widely thought that Alvan is gay, he couldn't win it.
So whats the fuckinfriggin problem with some people. So if Alvan is gay, he can sing. He was better that Valerie bite me!

Celtel Vs Safaricom

I remember doing something on this two. This time Celtel does it with 16/= per minute to any network.
If Safaricom is not going to do something, it might as well kiss the words 12 billion goodbye. The fact that it made so much cash has caused so many a bad blood while sucking us to an early poverty grave with its exorbitant charges.

A sprinkle of politics
Like politics in Kenya and maybe else where is preserved for the very worst. If you don't believe me
Ndura Waruinge
Paul Pattni
Are all persons who should be barred from holding any public office whatsoever. Reliable sources say once Mungiki always Mungiki.

Finally

Merry Christmas. Buy me that Pink Cadillac.

Ooh Happy holidays.

Image everything?

Wisdom tells us

Do not judge a book by its cover

And closer home

Kizuri chajiuza kibaya chajitembeza

I have no idea who said those words and i just don't feel like google it.

Daunted by the fact that sometimes you have to fake it till you make it came another wise man who said

Image is Everything

And since then, Nobody thinks so much of the first two, the latter though is immortalized.

Disclaimer 1; Shabbiness cannot replace dandyism and elegance.

So we find;
fine Graphics on the cover of a book that doesn' t say much. Because the writer was told; Image is everything.Get a fine cover and laugh all the way to the bank.

Videos with scantily dressed women on the beach yo' with little or absent lyrical content. Think Ja Rule, Ashanti, PDiddy.

The society judges us too harshly based on the image we cut. Such that a blogger declared people treat her differently with(out) glasses.

To be judged successful
You better drive the important car (Read BMW,Mercedes et al), the epitome of vanity i tell you.
You better have clothes tailored by the Italian immigrant who entered America via his knitting skills only
I have known one person to say that someone should be ignored for living in a poor estate instead of the plush Muthaiga.

Your success or failures especially in Third World Kenya gots to do with the image you cut.

What do you get?
The crisply dressed minister with a reputation worse than the K-street regular.Behind the cloth, the man is devoids of any moral uprightness.
Only after his demise do you hear of his penchant for his subordinates' "whats under the cloth" and a string of out of wedlock children.
The same minister cannot uphold the integrity of resisting from public property but because his suit is Italian made and drives the large car with genious guzzling abilities the man to many's eyes is perfect.
What say you? But image is everything.

The young lad with the brain of a thousand computers will not get the job because the man's shoes look like they have been passed down from his grandfather. The man dejected turns highway robber. Yo' all know highway robbers have genious brains, ooh ok most robbers. The lad cannot even afford the "Camera" suits from Gikomba ingalau to look like he would form part of the corporate image.

So the brainless git with a finess taste and class always get the job. Not to say all the persons with taste and class are brainless.

To get that contract you better be flashing the E key once in a while, never mind it would be car hire.

OK if image was not everything, why do people spend fortunes on WEDDINGS? Why do people live with debt just to have Glamorous weddings which they can ill afford?

Why do you have Members of Parliament who have no idea what "To serve" means. If you think i am wrong then read Mzalendo reports. Because all they have to do is build tall buildings in the town and look the part that they are damn rich. Nobody NOBODY will give the poor youth a chance if he shows he has no cash because it is widely and wrongly believed that the youth will go there and start to enrichen himself. History has shown otherwise.

You even remember the movie all star studded but as shallow as the stream in my backyard (if there is one lol).

I am coming to believe that Image has taken over Quality.

So what if the company can deliver but has no glossy brochures?

Cometh beauty

There is this Brazilian girl who has recently met her death via anorexia. She wasn't contented with her already wafer thin body. and not even her mother could make her feed. And she died of Anorexia

So you are told if you are not beautiful, come here we can make you beautiful. I know not everyone will agree with me here.
The most disgusting of shows for me has been The Swan. All the women come out feeling so beautiful and you hear them crying and exclaiming

"I have never felt so beautiful"

How disgusting?

Who sets the parameters of beauty.

Next cometh the make-up. A normal woman today must have layers and layers of chemicals on her face all designed to stop the natural process of sweating and make one look young. Just look at Madonna to know what i am saying. They make old people look bad which is not the case. Our good ol Mandela is fabulous wit all his grey hairs.

I think everyone should be allowed to stay the way they were created because we are beautiful no matter what they say.

For me the most important things in a person are

Level of Intelligence
Integrity
Honesty
Being real

Soif you look like Bruce W. on a Sunday morning but possess little or no morality should the world adore you. I am apalled by how many men & women think they can get away for their looks sake.

Image vs Quality; whither?

Young Urban Failure

I think Potash would be proud to know that the meaning of Young Urban Loser has just been given an overhauled sense. Young Urban Failure that is me.

I swear “kafa KM” aki she fails at pretty hair. Me I fail at everything. Like getting a good job, with, good bosses and holiday and travel all over the world (aaih somebody wake me up). Kenya 2006.

Pretty hair, wacha the way I have been rained on for the past few days and my hair is looking like a crossbreed between pretty and horse hair.

Meaning of Young Urban Loser expounded

She quits. Yeah joblessness has hit again. I am 24 and jobless twice I swurr the gods are pushing it.

Proud karikor (caricor) or whatever! She laughs like a caricor I think.

Dunno who’s ever worked with retards. Of course if you have worked with me and found that I am retard then this post is not for you. I have been working with retards. I mean like this bugger. Ooh holy shit! It gives me stomach bubbles to see some buggers! The reason I oversleep everyday trying to figure out how to evade such buggers.

My thinking is too way ahead of Retards. I figure out; you get whatchu deserve.

Anonymous Bugger

I dug out anonymous. Its possible the anonymous bugger is wella a "friend" of mine. All i say is Kumbaff and go to hell and you will die with a thousand and two cats. I really hope i am wrong.

If you wonder what i am saying a Kumbaff left a comment on my blog reading

JUST SHUT UP AND FUCK OFF!!! WHO CARES WHAT OR HOW YOU FEEL ANYWAY, YOU REALLY DO PISS ME OFF!!

Ooh like i care. Why torment your medula to random thoughts by a random blogger. Of all unreasonableness persisting on mother earth, you choose my blog to put your verbiage on. You can start your blog and attack everyone who you feel like attacking and trust me you might win "The Next Kaybee". haki!!!

Breakfast News

The Scandalous (channel 100.3)

A woman has just found out that she has been sleeping with her brother and is heavy with child (her sister). Their parents were separated when the poor girl was only 5 and while she was left with her mother, the guy went with the father. So for four years the two were in an incestuous relationship. Hitch came when the dude was going to introduce the girl to his father. Apparently the father had the same name with her father.

PROBLEM 1

She is almost giving birth. I hear it is extremely dangerous to abort a foetus at the third trimester.

Now how do we help her?

The prostitution one (Channel 105.2)

A woman who owes someone a debt of Ksh. 15,000 wants to sell her body tonight. This is because her creditor wants the money by Sunday. A few callers wished to fundraise. Other callers (men) were wondering if she is really worth Ksh. 15,000 for only a night.

A woman suggested that us women are constantly selling our bodies. We apparently get married for comfort and to be taken care of. As such women are forever prostituting only this time at a higher level. Aaiih .

I really don’t think she is in the trouble, which she thinks she is. Unless it is an Italian Mafioso on your neck; then she is pushing too far.

The “you know who”

Apparently the rose party called Narc-Kenya will only refer to ODM-Kenya in “you know who” terms. No mentioning the name of the party because it will popularize the “the you know who” party.

The Best

Safaricom Limited might float their shares to the public in an Initial Public Offer.

Lingolese

I had the misfortune of viewing my blog on IE. I use Mozilla the perfect browser, IE simply sucks. So i decided to update to beta blogger and see if that will change. For those of you whose source of internet is provided by the employer and the threat to take the said internet from you is almost becoming real if caught again, use Ghostzilla

Curse Words
Do people still think that the following are curse words

What the Fuck!-
Fuck
Bullshit

Its time the three were relegated to normal words.

Nairobi Lingua

Mi nimetoka Jobbo
Jobbo= job
Works =work

Like its hard to say

Mi nimetoka work.


Its easy to say
Mi nimetoka Jobbo ama works

Javin
I am javin this week.

Meaning the poor guy is using public transport. Never ask me again whats javin. I mean ni kukanyanga mguu

I am going to campo next month
Campo=Campus

whats this adding/substituting English words with" O" to swahilise it.

Ati me naitwa Phaxo, that time the dude is called Alphaxard.



City Locations
I heard Kawangware is called Ungwaro

Wachana na Langa'ta ati LA Puhhleaze

Kangemi- Ungem

Try conversing with the peeps in Eastlando(He hehe) you will think now its a different new language. The last time i heard they were calling Mlango- Mngola. Aaiih lakini i refuse to be converted to that language.

I stick to my corrupted KiswaEngo.

What to do?

The long it takes to realize

Where you are going.

A lot of people here know that I am a lawyer or those who have read my profile know that I am a lawyer by profession

Others have wondered loudly if at all I am a lawyer because I don’t write like one. I am not going to shame you here.

This blog is not about lawyers or law. It is about me

Us people in Kenya tend to reproduce our business cards before the other person can even have a chance to know our proper names and who we are.

Because to me

I am first a person

In logical happening of things I was human at day 1 of my birth then I was a lawyer at 22 years of existence.

So you get it, I am a human first then a lawyer second.

Tomorrow I could wake up on the wrong side of the bed and decide “alla!”. To hell with this lawyer thingy and be an opera singer (kidding!)

Even tomorrow when I wake up, I still want to be a lawyer and the next.

Time and over again, I am in conflict with self. I am an introvert who decided to be an extrovert. Because I am a thinker; (Not in the Thinkers room sense he he he) I could churn ideas like the same way they do with spin yarns.

In my younger self, I was the quiet type until I got to High School and I don’t know what happened. Nilifunguka I swear.

And the worst part of being a thinker then you have got to have a “Doer”. There are people to whom thinking and reading is a mystery but whoa tell them to do, they will not hesitate. I belong to the Thinkers rather than the doers. My mistake!

I once went for an interview in one of these cool organizations but on realizing I was only 24yrs, I was told I could be offered Internship because the position required someone older blah blah, which even I knew but applied regardless. I almost scoffed at the statement because I always indicate my age on the CV.

Anyway internship is not something I will take honestly. Unless it is at the WTO Washington.

And the interviewer asked me “You would rather stay at home?”. At the time I was so jobless.

I said “yes”

Because to me internship is a total waste of time unless it is mandatory of which I have already done my 1-year of internship.

Talking to my friend another day I realized that though quite a number of people have been able to get a job via internship.

You are chancing with your employers getting to know you before hand.

Unfortunately for the likes of me, I cannot pretend that I work after 5 because I don’t., I am not your model employee.

Bottom line work gets done.

That’s all is necessary. Your work gets done.

The logic that people sitting their asses from 8-5 even when you have absolutely nothing to do is silly!

I envy artists (music, theatre and all), they work even 23 hours per day when it is necessary and sleep when its not.

You can hardly get any work to keep busy 8 hours a day at least not any that I have seen.

So what you got yourself if you are intern; and not keeping your ass busy for 8 hours a day.

They think you are not a good worker.

Wrong!

Infact you have 1 million ideas of how things could get done better but they fucking won’t listen to you.

Because all a lot of organizations do is Kill Creativity. They have no room for ideas or other way of thinking. And recently I tried to tell my boss something and he told me “you know the way we do things here”. Ooh heavens!!!

It is not simple either being an employee. You feel like a restrained pig.

That is the longest digression.

A while ago, I very well could crack poetry and literature. I did it all the time, I loved it.

Then my heart though all it wanted was to be a judge he he he.

And like many paths not taken; I ditched the literature, poetry path and pursued the journey of legalism. I do not know if I would crack the two now because it is something that you do once, learn, relearn and get better at.

But like dead dreams, this one has come to haunt me again. Now I am lost; I don’t even think it would be the same. I am not sure it is not misplaced. I will keep thinking about it.

I have come to realize that the only time I am truly happy is when I am reading a book. Even on a really nasty day, a book will clear things. And I don’t mean; the law of Torts.

I can’t even continue; you have never something as personal conflict. It is draining. And even a good reading of the “Awaken the giant within” quite doesn’t do it.

So I am still in semi- realization of self. I wonder what they would have described it in the Greek mythology.

Of which I am reminded; I still need to know what was it about Marilyn Monroe.

Aside

I have great regard for mothers and their identity. I mean a mother is to be heard and seen at the same time especially when the said mother is the mother of a great person.

But I have always wondered. Who is the mother of Raila Odinga? Has she been mentioned anywhere that I missed. Especially because she was the wife of the legendary Oginga Odinga. What happened to her? Is she alive, dead?

Great Sites

I stumbled upon

www.stumbleupon.com

And my surfing life cannot be better

It is a great tool bar, you get every site you could dream of. Philosophy, Arts, Music, Books, name it!!!

Other sites i have stumbled upon

On this site you can even read one of the Greatest Books for FREE from
http://www.readprint.com/

Are you one of the people who love short stories

http://www.classicshorts.com/

And you will now know the 100 best novels if you didn't from

http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/100bestnovels.html

And what if really all you want to is listen to music

http://www.pandora.com/

Do you want to know what others had accomplished by your age?
http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/accomplished/

Surfing made easier i tell you

The Bigger Problem

Working with the kids at St.Francis brought the big picture to me than i have ever cared to imagine. Previously i had visited babies home where the kids have everything that you could dream of.

Then there is this story of women who trade sex for fish
http://www.eastandard.net/mag/mag.php?id=1143960988

It makes one understand just how Poverty and AIDS are connected and maybe why the epidemic that is HIV/AIDS is bigger here than in developed countries. Meaning the poor you are the more exposed you are to communicable and sexual diseases.

So, just how much bickering will we continue to have about what the Government has/has not done. Hasn't that been the song that we have been singing since when we wuz young...however we look at it perfection in a leader is a reverie we gots to do without.

Just how much personal responsibility is a leader in the Nyanza Province for example going to take for the acts of his ignorant people. Somebody gots to teach the women down there about not having sex for fish.

The AIDS orphans are relying on the country now to feed them. Never mind as catastrophic the problem, nobody not even the ever bickering well meaning travelling MPs that we know has introduced any Bill in Parliament to deal with the Orphans. So for whom do the AIDs orphans belong?

Their age old 80 granny?

Its a sad situation here.

First things first. We are doing too much politics IMHO. For nothing.

We are looking at a generation that is dying day in day out from a disease they barely comprehend until it causes them untold suffering.

Dear Africans, for though has hands, for thou has brain...when will you ever utilise them? You wait for the NGO's the well meaning ones to tend your Orphans?

Looking at Mathare

I am reminded of the evil,.you know the devil. You cultivate the devil, you live the devil. You shut up to protect the devil. And then the devil strikes and eureka!!! "The devil is here?!"

Ooh c'mon...

However sympathetic i am with the people of Mathare, i bet just like there is a saying "Equity does not aid the indolent". I mean the Mungiki menace has been with the people. You can't do no shyte in Mathare without paying taxes to the local Government.

But did the Mungiki menace erupt in a day. No! The menace was there. The people there said jack shyte..They probably loved living with them. They were dangerous; ooh they knew it.

I laughed at the statement that a journalist who thought that research was a form of wild vegetable...

Even a little research could have exposed Mathare before it happened. Okiey why is there investigative journalism?

Round us, everywhere we have people who wouldn't think even if they were paid to.

For example lets say some economist sat down right? Found that our economy is growing at around 5%.
And then we have a politician who wouldn't probably pronounce the Law of dimishing marginal utility, or even write it, saying he knows the economy grew by 2 % and is cheered on by what M would call Kenyan Tourists KT.

What sense would it make? I would think it of a serious disaster which should call for an immediate peer review of the said economists.
But a politician is one right? But imagine how many investors listening to the said politician refused to invest on such grounds.
So why won't we be all happy that our economy is growing at around 5%. Should we chance economy and politics together? Just to discredit perhaps?

Why won't we think? Even a fabrication that our economy was growing at 10% if it would make Hu and his men look at us as potential investments.

I am not going to say its wrong or right. Do whatever your mouth wills you to do.

But we cannot save our faces; not now. Whatever wrong we say, to hurt our mother country reflects on us.

Ooh ! Its a cold monday

Friday Post Part II

I just put my tracking code on 25th October and i was amused to note that the post which attracted the most hits 116 to be exact was this one http://sylkwan.blogspot.com/2006/10/time-to-post.html



Anyway this is what my gutter mind has been thinking

Whither “Blonde” and “smart girl”

There is this ad I believe for fair and lovely which asks

“Would you rather be beautiful or smart?”

One explains

“ I would rather be beautiful than smart so that I can get what I want”.

Haiyaiii

Fair and Lovely thinks it can make you both beautiful and smart.

So jana I sat next to a blonde in the bus. The kind if I was a jamaa I would go for and realized the differences between the smart and blonde (as seen in “White Chicks”) is too obvious

My take is be a smablonde

Beauty Regime (Blonde)

Manicures & Pedicure weekly

Wigs

Mascara

And those others

Beauty Regime (Smart)

N/A.

Daily wash and perfume perhaps

Manicure and Pedicure once every two months if I remember

WTF moment…(Blonde Girl)

My nail broke

WTF moment …(smart)

The whole project disappeared after 6 months of hard work

Double WTF moment

He didn’t notice my new hairstyle and yet it’s a Tyra Banks wig

Double WTF moment (Smart)

Damn! The client now thinks I am dumb and so will my boss. So what will I tell my boss?

What’s New? (Blonde)

My latest conquest drives a Lexus we we we!!

What’s New (Smart)

The brass has just launched new software to make-work easier

Conversation begins with….(blonde)

I just bought a new pair of shoes which cost…$$$ SAVE it!. Ooh and I just discovered this place they do nails for…. And you know what Alex yesterday took me out to blah blah blah

Conversation begins (smart)

How is you and how is work? Did I hear you just got promoted? As for me I am taking an MBA now….blah blah blah

So would you rather be beautiful than smart?

Many smart women are beautiful anyway. But I look at blondes as girls who takes the extra mile to enhance beauty. A pounce of fat would be treated with the contempt it deserves. So when they say “brains and beauty” are a rare thing. It is not they are rare; it is the enhancement that lacks.

So who appointed me here?

The friday post- Part I

The International Women Aids Run is on 2ND DECEMBER 2006. This race is for WOMEN only. Men can only be support group i.e. coach the women runners and such others.

The tickets are Ksh. 500 each. Please register to reach the AIDS Orphans and people affected by HIV/AIDS.


My Kids at St.Francis Home/School

I know i have been quiet on this one. My Kids at the Orphanage are ok the last time i saw them. I will go there on Sunday. So Holla if interested.

There are things i would love my kids to have;

Television set and Video
Books
Blankets
Enough Food

Those are not luxurious items. I have been quite not in touch with them because of some issues like brokeness, not been available on weekends but now i am back for the cause.

Thanks for people who have made efforts to contact me towards this cause; You don't how blessed you can be for feeding an orphan.

Wisdom
Don't fall in love with a Dreamer- Kenny Rodgers

Avoid getting into trouble with your father- Shiroh

The Bugger....................

I woke up today feeling good;

1. I had already ironed my clothes for the day

2. My shoes were shining

3. I actually knew what i was to wear today

Usually i don't.

So today was a perfect day.

4. I woke up on time

5. I managed to cook and eat breakfast

It was the perfect day

6. Traffic on Thika Road was perfect

7. I was feeling fresh

And it looked like it was a perfect day

8. It wasn't raining

9. It was not all that cold

10. I was generally happy in the morning. It is not quite normal

Then......

I got to the office.Still in the reverie of happiness.

I think i must have been dreaming.

The Bugger fucked up my day. The bugger bloody fucked up my day. The Bugger, The bugger Fucked up my day. Pumbaff yeye!!!!!

It is good enough i was having a nice day. And you bugger fucked it up!!!

I advise you to stay away from me as much as you can or i will bloody fuck up your day!!!!

Ooh i need a beer!!!

A quick one and rumour has it

Yesterday i saw two things that make me thank Wangari Maathai for her bravery.

I passed through Kiambu road where you see all these BEAUTIFUL INDIGENOUS trees.

Usually i pass through Uhuru park and saw the beautified park. It is looking so serene.

Now i do now for sure she deserved every minute of the Nobel Prize. One of the guys i was with in the car remarked the way the likes of William Ruto had carved part of the Karura forest for their greedy selves. Wonder why they want to president now, so they can have all the country to themselves. Shame!!!

Part of it is because just like most people i connect to nature. A beautiful garden/roundabout is bound to make my day. One day i had an assignment that took me to Industrial Area which i hated to death, but there is this roundabout beautified by BAT and that made my day.

Death of Mos Mos

Mos Mos in dholuo means slowly i hope. Now there is this mabatini structure in town which feeds large sums of people in Nairobi.
It has since been destroyed by the city fathers. I have no reason why they did it but yeah Mos Mos is no more. At least not in the location.
I remember my friend one day commenting
"the only time i get full is when i go to Mos Mos"

Mos Mos was the poor man's equivalent of K'Osewe's on Moi Avenue except of course they didnt serve the popular Osuga and Odhola (sp).

I really wonder why it was demolished. Word has it that they had grabbed that part of land as its owner seemed to be Joe Aketch the former mayor.

In other News
Econet Wireless might not be awarded the licence after all. There is a rumour doing rounds that the Govt is not impressed with one of the people in there who claim that the Government is really corrupt.

And with Odinga supposedly washing our dirty linen in public

Who says those people abroad are not going to vote? I guess the only way to counter his so called speech is to come and "hubiri" to the people abroad that your Govt is par excellence. I am not the greatest fan of the Odinga man but i think that attack is unnecessary.

And who is coming to my constituency?
I hear since the people of Rarieda have rejected their present MP for not singing Agwambo's tunes and he is changing constituencies which i think is a good move. The man is Raphael Tuju and the constituency is Kasarani. Well i would not have any qualms voting for the rejected man. After all in the bible it is said "the stone rejected by the builders became the corner stone"
Obviously the present Mp has no any chance of ever making it again to Bunge.

Question
Just who is Mungiki and Kamjesh?

The difference between Lawyers and Real Estate Agents is that lawyers can speak English and Real Estate agents in Kenya speak Conllese says Bikozulu
Back to Books

AWOL

KASNEB is intent on having me as a life member of the body. That is why it has no desire that I pass my FA IV. Does anyone know any magic of passing the damn paper?

I still don’t comprehend the subject and I hoped that I would escape through just like I did with the other FA papers.

My head is cracking just trying to understand the concepts of consolidation of groups and groups of companies. That’s why I have been indoors the whole weekend Working with figures is stressing enough. Who even said lawyers should bother their heads with them anyway.

Don’t tempt my head with alcohol please; I need all my mitochondria’s intact.

AWOL till the said paper is done to my satisfaction and to KASNEB!!!!

Ignorance

What is the origin of the words

Kenya

Kenyatta

Is Isiolo in Eastern or North Eastern Province?

Korruption

I'm so Hungry
And i can't hide it
I know i know i know
I want Food

Anyway

I have been dreaming many things this week.

One day i was an achiever; i am not sure what University did to me. Is that why they quit university to succeed. I might just enroll for Masters then quit....

All things Ugandan

There are two things that will make Kenya salivate in Uganda

You don’t have to travel to the coast to get good hotels. They are spacious, next to the lake, with beautiful views. Awesome. You haven’t seen the Kampala Serena hotel; had some time there and all I can say is Heavenly place.

There is still too much land in Kampala town. I mean you can hardly walk Nairobi.

Disappointing things

That Celtel connection thing is a fake. No calls were going through; I could only send Text messages.

The buildings are largely like those of a small town in Kenya. For some reasons they reminded me of Embu town. They are too basic. Architects are needed in that country. Obviously the town is largely disorganized and 1001 roundabouts!!!

Business savvy is lacking. The private hire taxis; if you don’t call the driver Ssebo, they decline to take you where you are going.

Reminded of an episode I had at Mombasa. I called the woman selling the stuff “we!” coz when the Nairobians don’t know your name we use the word “We”. Needless to say I had a bit of tongue lashing from her.

Generally, there is no aggressiveness in business is lacking and everyone is just too slow.

When a Nairobian asks for a beer, he/she wants it immediately!!!

I visited one club since I had only one free night. Ange Noir. Boy ooh boy the Ugandans can club. And they don’t go to sip beer and sit down like all these Nairobians; They Dance. The entrance is 15,000 Ugandan Shillings.

A snide remark was made that Kenyans are proud; Ati we were dancing with maring’o. Now how?

Aside

Jay Z and Beyonce are about/have broken up. Listening to the song Lost Ones from Jay Z saying she loved work more than she did him. I just thought; either way we look at it Work is a bitch; would never love work more than I do him.

Ugandan Blog to make your day

http://200coinhasfish.blogspot.com/.

Hats tip White African

Ugandan Designer with a helluva talent; Sylvia Owori. I saw her designs in a magazine that I believe she publishes and I can say they are ultimately breath taking. I want some of those.

http://www.sylviaowori.com/collection.htm

To learn all crimes commitable in Uganda. Read Gish version

http://gishungwa.blogspot.com/2006/10/guilty.html

Any more Uganda?

Time to post

First Happy Belated Birthday to
KM

KG

Gish


A while ago i never saw birthdays having so much ado, but after realizing that life is not to be taken for granted, well i turned the leaf.

I have lately discovered something very not flattering. I have been accused of "katiaring men".

Last week, an acquitance of mine came and asked me "when shall we?". Now me who is slow to understand things asked him "What do you mean?"

He is like ati "Si the way you look at me"

The truth is if i ever looked at him in whatever manner, i didn't not intend to pass on that message knowingly or unknowingly.

So we had this convo with a friend of mine (a dude) after just having the same experience with a guy i hardly know. That one accused me of "being h**ny".

This is the how the conversation went
Him: You must have been high last night at the club
Me: No i wasn't.

Him: I wish yu had agreed to stay a little bit at the club
Me: Why?

Him: Because you would not have slept at all
Me: Why do you say that?

Him: You looked quite ho**y

Obviously and honestly i don't remember been/looking or even thinking or moreso we can't have been in the same wavelength with this guy.

So having this conversation with my friend. He told me that because i look at men straight in the eye, make them feel comfortable around me (well thats with everyone) and they think i want them.

I don't even understand the situation i am in, in the first place!

This is the Reason

Street Economy

You never know what tomorrow will bring; so act today. That’s how I am feeling today. I was going to write a post on the street economy. The economy that the majority of our country’s sons and daughters thrive on.

That brings me to the question of street traders (call them hawkers). In the last 2 days we have witnessed to what to me seems like a public interest exercise. I witnessed and saw on TV some GSU hammer a street trader mercilessly as if the person has committed a crime against humanity. There is now a public declaration that anyone buying merchandise from the hawkers is to be fined 10,000 Ksh. or spend their days in some cell for 3 months. How enforceable that is, is a question for the courts.

Street trading is a two by two enterprise. They bring what they have on the streets and we buy their wares at cheap prices. Either way we all gain, if you think about it. Whether we like or not, street traders are here to stay. We engage in buying and selling in their wares in sheer pleasure. Infact the truth is many families are today being fed off the street.

What we should be asking ourselves then is “why do persons engage in street trading?”. The reason is simple; Convenience. The wares are on the street, I can pick the items after work. Second reason; Costs.

When the Government kicks out the street traders from the streets in the manner they do; I see a violation of a basic right. The Economic right. The Middle class everywhere in the world would love to stay in a good environment, forget the poor, and do nothing about it. Ignore the problems of the poor and you will forever put on those concrete walls several inches that Wangari Maathai was complaining about.

Anyone who has tried to do business in town can tell you; Rent per day could be as high as a Thousand Shillings. Count taxes and council fees then you end up with no profit. Doing business in town is a preserve of the rich, period! Yet you have a mass that is highly educated, yet there are no jobs to do. The number soars everyday you hear there is a graduation at some college or university.

The government then gives them an alternative of going to the backside of the Ngara Market. The street traders may have gone to no Business School but they no for sure their customers will not go to that side of town. That is why they refuse vehemently to go there. What Musikari Kombo & the city Hall Fathers sitting in their privileged leather seats see is a crime cartel. To me, it is just someone protesting against apparent denial of a right to live and earn.

I for one will admit to opposing the street traders for one fact. They breed crime and that is my main worry.

But think about it critically. What about their children? What about their daily living? Would you go to the streets to trade if you had an alternative? How would you like your friends seeing you shouting “Mia, Mia , Soo, ya mwisho, bei ya jioni” Obviously you wouldn’t ! it is not easy for anyone. Yet many have been rescued from committing crimes by engaging in street trading. Can you brave the merciless whipping from the city council askaris?

The City hall fathers should look for an alternative inside town where many can reach them. Convert a building into a hawkers market and place them there. Location, location, location is important to any business. Let them live and Earn!!!

The Mayor of Nairobi Goes Mad

Just what would be the justification of hiking the parking fees from 70/= to Ksh. 140 everyday? That is totally ridiculous. Whatever it is they are taking at City Hall should be withdrawn.

How to the Kenyan Way.........Part II

How to the Kenyan way ………….Part II

Music

One day I was feeling quite patriotic (like I do most of the times when I am not in a goddamn jam for 2 hours!!! ) so there is a shop just next to Rock Collection at 20^th Century. For those who don’t know Rock collection is the duka you go to when you have a date at 20^th and zoob at all those clothes at amazing prices. Talk to the shop attendant and promise to “come back soon”. When you are zoobing at 20^th you have the option of

Going to that jewellery shop and asking the price of every gold ring, silver rings, bracelets et al to the mhindi bargain as hard as you can then leave as soon as you see your date. Also promising to come back soon.

There is a cyber café on the corner that charges 80 cents for non members and 50 cents for members. Eiish this members thing. But for some of us who the www is like home window shopping is the alternative. Once I get into a cyber, you might have to wait for an hour.

I digress

Now just next to Rock collection, there is a shop (whose name I forget) that sells Kenyan Music CDs. So I go ready to buy a Kenyan CD for the first time in my life (what with KISS FM). I am told Jua Kali and that brown haired guy pilipili have both released their album. I think “great!” It is going to be easier than I thought.

So I pick up several Cds, unfortunately most of their songs have already been over played by KISS. I get a bad feeling and leave without buying any. I might just go back there for the Kevin Wyre one. But I was very disappointed.

What I am saying is “the only way to sell your music, is NOT GIVE it to KISS. Or, give them just one single or release your album simultaneous to the releasing the single to KISS.

I do not care for the damn Excuses. I don’t care really!!!!! Just get the album ready in time, stop being Lazy!

Thinking of it, can any good Kenyan tell me where the hell I can get Acolyte a Jua- Cali T-shirt? I thought it was easy business until I started looking for one.

How to break Up a Great Kenyan Music Crew

Together

Each

Achieves

More

SEMA

These three kids disappointed me in no way any other group did. Whatever differences you cited, you are still wrong. Great Opportunity=Wrong people. That is the way I see it.

Unnecessary Noise

We loved you but you still broke up. How many artistes make it to the front of the newspapers? But you did, it wasn’t enough I guess.

HOW TO LET A FOREIGN OWNED MAGAZINE DOMINATE A KENYAN MAGAZINE

Is it me or Kenyans are down right a mediocre people sometimes!!!

True Love VS Eve Magazine

TL is a South African magazine literally even their names sell them. What I am saying. TL hits the streets like one week to the next month. As in by end of September, the October issue is on the streets.

Eve is Kenyan owned. The magazines hit the streets one week later. WTF!!!!

I have a choice every month to buy either of the two magazines. Young Eve now and TL. At least for Drum, it is automatic. So your bet is as good as mine.

During the first week, people like me are buying things like magazines and all. By second week we are almost broke, having paid bills et al., we are thinking of surviving the next two weeks. And in their wisdom and I guess lack of tact they release the Eve magazines then?” By then even the salons have their copies and will read it there.

A simple marketing strategy is lost to them, as simple as watching what your business rival is doing and beating them at it!!!!! We have a problem

As if not enough, get Yvonne Wamalwa to do your cover model. Are there no other stories. Kwani that Mike story will be told for how many years? Ingalau the 24 sexiest Kenyans IMHO, however annoying

The Making of Kenyan soaps

I don’t hide my love for Cuandos and co….soaps. I however refuse to watch Wingu la Moto and other Kenyan soaps before and after it. The only Kenyan show that jazz me apart from Vioja and co. is Makutano Junction. It is friggin funny. If you haven’t watched it., get you ass down and do. Evey Thursday on KBC station at 7.35 p.m.

Lets be realistic, Actresses can not look like me and you. The women in Cuandos are off the hook. They look like work of Art. Looks in actresses cannot be overstated, make it up if it doesn’t exist. We cannot have an actress who looks worse than we already look or wearing clothes that look quite out of “the street escapades we engage in after work”.

I don’t think we can over emphasize but to be really an actress, the power to be extra ordinary (look Halle Berry) at whatever lengths should not be ignored.

And i love those dudes in Better days.

How to spoil a good blog

Aka Nick quits bloggin (pun intended).

FINALLY

After a 2 year Wait . Sometimes you wait for something for too long. I am being admitted to the Bar.

I cannot say how a major leap that is in my life. Some will ask is it for financial, material gain. I say No, it is the satisfaction that you could change somebody's life.

So will you pop that champagne.

Elusive Equality

Women continuously seek equality with men. There are many sayings coined to the effect “What a man can do, a woman can do better” I do agree and in fact many women are testimony that women are as brainy/excellent as men if not better. But there are some things women do that make me wonder if in fact the woman is an inferior being or what it is that could be wrong with them. Without further ado;

BACK STABBING

I have very few CLOSE female friends for this very reason. Women love to backstab others. If you hear someone under estimating the achievements of another, it is likely to be a woman. Women will backstab anyone, their sisters, mothers, friends, best of friends et cetera. They have little regard for friendships and why you cannot backstab your best friend because they are your best friends. Enough said

SLEEPING YOUR WAY TO THE TOP

There are in fact some women who think the power is in the vagina. They have no regard to common working hard theories. If at all the promotion is held up by your thighs, common sense dictates that you move to another company. I mean if your company doesn’t appreciate your hard work and your boss thinks the only way you can move up is by sharing a leg, move!

Do not punish the rest of the female folk in make men believe the only way women can move up is by sharing a leg. Shame! Shame! Shame!

GOSSIP

There is a verse in the bible that says “Gossip is so tasty, how we love to swallow it” Nothing justifies gossip whoever is involved in it. Gossip only creates enemies it has never ended well. Avoid it the same way you avoid fire. Gossip of especially your friends should end. Many boyfriends will admit having to listen to endless gossip of her chic’s girlfriends. I wonder if that makes him love them or hate them, you make him curious.

JEALOUSY

Gosh! The only time you sleep with your mates’ boyfriend or husband when you are trapped in a house, which has collapsed, and you have a few hours remaining and you both share a dream that you would love to die in ecstasy. I know a couple of girls who share their friend’s man to prove they are prettier or whatever shit they want to prove? If it’s your mate’s, sister’s boyfriend, leave him!

INCEST is a crime in Kenya. So you are not allowed to have your brother. In the same light, respect your sisters in law. When your brother wanted to marry he probably did not ask for your permission, in the same breath, you cannot continue accusing your sisters –in- law of poisoning, witchcraft and whatever else you wish to. It is wrong to cause your asisters-in-law a nightmarish life just because they married your brother.

Whether she trapped him, is a standard two drop out, dresses shao, misplaced dental formula, as fat as a bull, your brother chose her to be the wife. Stop it!!!!

Women are their own worst enemies. It cannot be overemphasized. And that keeps women down, pulls them to the bottom and they then blame men and lack of laws to protect them.

Be wise, stop being the ordinary woman by at least stopping any of the above.

I am reading this book The Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl now. Interesting stuff.

Building your reputation

This post is lifted out of www.askmen.com.

To race on the autobahn, would you choose to drive a 6-cylinder jeep or a Ferrari? Obviously, a Ferrari would win over a jeep, even the fastest jeep, right? Ironically, although decreasing their odds of winning, many smart men are choosing to wear jeep-like clothing when racing around conducting business -- even in today's highly competitive business environment.

Business is a game. What you wear is one of your first moves, a fundamental strategy in order to win. Just as the best sports equipment can help an athlete gain the competitive edge, stylish businesslike apparel adds horsepower and panache, giving you a leg up in your career.

Let’s not get naked

Unless you work in a nudist colony or you're a porn star, wearing clothing is not optional; it's compulsory. As Mark Twain said, "Naked people have little or no influence on society." So why not let clothing work in your favor, like an advantageous asset? Your odds of winning raises and promotions -- of getting ahead in any career -- only increase when you pay attention to your workplace image.

The road signs have changed. Today's business environment calls for a man to be "Situationally Sensitive" to diverse ways of dressing. Traditional business attire lives on. Yet, business casual has never been so popular. Watch out, however, as dressing down has its pitfalls.

Millions are suffering from Casual Confusion Syndrome (CCS). The afflicted are mistakenly buying into the "casual" myth that their attire, or their overall image, makes no difference in their success potential or their performance on the job.

You are the force

Like bald tires on a car, another popular fable that endangers your power to get ahead is this thought: in today's digital dot-com world, how you dress doesn't matter. If that's true, why are millions of dollars spent on web site visuals? In fact, you are the walking "home page" of your personal web site.

Your image is also a web page of your company's site. Do others click on you for the answers, the ability to get the job done, or do they surf on?

First impressions and the visual aspect have never been more critical than they are today. Thanks to the technology explosion, business moves at a faster pace than it did even a decade ago. Harry Beckwith, author of Selling The Invisible, says that people do not simply form impressions, they become anchored to them.

Beckwith claims that busy people -- almost all people today -- are apt to make snap judgments, and then base all their later decisions on them. Can you afford a negative impression? No, not when you consider that your success is often tied to others' perceptions of you. A prominent CEO recently said, "If people only knew that it can take two years to undo one negative impression, surely they would try harder."

In less than thirty seconds, you've been judged

As people, we like to know what's going on around us. With antennas up, we continually seek data about our environment, including other people. Whether conscious or not, we consistently read other people; usually not to be judgmental, but to gain information about them.

Based on visual clues from others' attire, grooming, posture, and demeanor, we unconsciously assess who we think they are. Then we decide how we are going to respond or treat them -- all in a matter of seconds.

Communication statistics show that in only five to thirty seconds, three things are determined about you, whether accurate or not: 1) Your Socioeconomic Status 2) Your Educational Level 3) Your Desirability.

Although this process may or may not be conscious, in the end we all tend to associate well-dressed individuals with intelligence, attractiveness and achievement. Thus, those folks are granted more opportunities to prove themselves.

What are you wearing?

What exactly does that mean for ambitious men who want to get ahead in their careers? Start by thinking of your goals and just how fast you want to achieve them. In the race for success, do you want be perceived as ordinary or extraordinary?

If your favorite workplace-wear includes jeans and T-shirts, you are at risk of stalling out, getting pushed into the slow lane or off the road completely. Even wearing khakis and golf shirts can relegate you to the ordinary zone. Dressing casually, being comfortable, and appearing exceptionally well-dressed and businesslike is not an oxymoron.

Faced with more apparel choices than ever before, many men feel puzzled over how to put together a casual outfit that sets them apart. To command respect and add an air of authority to your overall image, follow these five power-up tips when dressing down for business.

Add power to your casual image

Tailored jackets

Jackets can always be removed if you want to appear more casual.

Quality shirts

Shirts speak volumes; they take center stage when you're not wearing a jacket. Tumble-dried collars do not place you neck and neck with the winners in the race for success.

Dressy trousers

Power up with well-balanced, high-quality trousers; avoid cheap polyester varieties unless you want to signal that you don't mind being walked on. Polyester's main claim to fame: carpets.

Stylish all-leather shoes

Shoes reveal your secrets and are primary indicators of your socioeconomic status. To look like a winner, buy quality shoes and keep them in mint condition.

Leather belts

Choose belts that are expensive -looking -- in the same color tone as your shoes.

You are what you appear

Like it or not, your image is linked to your success potential. Clothing is a primary communicator with its own coded language. It can signal that you are a leader with winning potential, or it can scream that you're a loser.

If your clothing is waving the loser flag, the brakes are on. You have to work extra hard to command respect and inspire trust.

Steer your career into the fast lane. Maximize your horsepower by powering up your image today. Be consistent, power up every day, and enjoy being a winner. What's more, be a magnet for success and greater acheivement.