Tuesday, November 14, 2006

What to do?

The long it takes to realize

Where you are going.

A lot of people here know that I am a lawyer or those who have read my profile know that I am a lawyer by profession

Others have wondered loudly if at all I am a lawyer because I don’t write like one. I am not going to shame you here.

This blog is not about lawyers or law. It is about me

Us people in Kenya tend to reproduce our business cards before the other person can even have a chance to know our proper names and who we are.

Because to me

I am first a person

In logical happening of things I was human at day 1 of my birth then I was a lawyer at 22 years of existence.

So you get it, I am a human first then a lawyer second.

Tomorrow I could wake up on the wrong side of the bed and decide “alla!”. To hell with this lawyer thingy and be an opera singer (kidding!)

Even tomorrow when I wake up, I still want to be a lawyer and the next.

Time and over again, I am in conflict with self. I am an introvert who decided to be an extrovert. Because I am a thinker; (Not in the Thinkers room sense he he he) I could churn ideas like the same way they do with spin yarns.

In my younger self, I was the quiet type until I got to High School and I don’t know what happened. Nilifunguka I swear.

And the worst part of being a thinker then you have got to have a “Doer”. There are people to whom thinking and reading is a mystery but whoa tell them to do, they will not hesitate. I belong to the Thinkers rather than the doers. My mistake!

I once went for an interview in one of these cool organizations but on realizing I was only 24yrs, I was told I could be offered Internship because the position required someone older blah blah, which even I knew but applied regardless. I almost scoffed at the statement because I always indicate my age on the CV.

Anyway internship is not something I will take honestly. Unless it is at the WTO Washington.

And the interviewer asked me “You would rather stay at home?”. At the time I was so jobless.

I said “yes”

Because to me internship is a total waste of time unless it is mandatory of which I have already done my 1-year of internship.

Talking to my friend another day I realized that though quite a number of people have been able to get a job via internship.

You are chancing with your employers getting to know you before hand.

Unfortunately for the likes of me, I cannot pretend that I work after 5 because I don’t., I am not your model employee.

Bottom line work gets done.

That’s all is necessary. Your work gets done.

The logic that people sitting their asses from 8-5 even when you have absolutely nothing to do is silly!

I envy artists (music, theatre and all), they work even 23 hours per day when it is necessary and sleep when its not.

You can hardly get any work to keep busy 8 hours a day at least not any that I have seen.

So what you got yourself if you are intern; and not keeping your ass busy for 8 hours a day.

They think you are not a good worker.

Wrong!

Infact you have 1 million ideas of how things could get done better but they fucking won’t listen to you.

Because all a lot of organizations do is Kill Creativity. They have no room for ideas or other way of thinking. And recently I tried to tell my boss something and he told me “you know the way we do things here”. Ooh heavens!!!

It is not simple either being an employee. You feel like a restrained pig.

That is the longest digression.

A while ago, I very well could crack poetry and literature. I did it all the time, I loved it.

Then my heart though all it wanted was to be a judge he he he.

And like many paths not taken; I ditched the literature, poetry path and pursued the journey of legalism. I do not know if I would crack the two now because it is something that you do once, learn, relearn and get better at.

But like dead dreams, this one has come to haunt me again. Now I am lost; I don’t even think it would be the same. I am not sure it is not misplaced. I will keep thinking about it.

I have come to realize that the only time I am truly happy is when I am reading a book. Even on a really nasty day, a book will clear things. And I don’t mean; the law of Torts.

I can’t even continue; you have never something as personal conflict. It is draining. And even a good reading of the “Awaken the giant within” quite doesn’t do it.

So I am still in semi- realization of self. I wonder what they would have described it in the Greek mythology.

Of which I am reminded; I still need to know what was it about Marilyn Monroe.

Aside

I have great regard for mothers and their identity. I mean a mother is to be heard and seen at the same time especially when the said mother is the mother of a great person.

But I have always wondered. Who is the mother of Raila Odinga? Has she been mentioned anywhere that I missed. Especially because she was the wife of the legendary Oginga Odinga. What happened to her? Is she alive, dead?