A collection of Blogs I Love

Although, i have greatly reduced the time i spend browsing blogs, i still have a few that i check out every other day.

Innerbonding
I discovered this website during a dark period.

www.madamenoire.com
I love most of their articles on women and a going where most won't.

Steve Pavlina
He really is not your conventional person. He loves to test a lot of things. He shows us how to pursue your own personal happiness and objectives.

Perez Hilton
Not everyone's cup of tea, but well, i find myself hooked to his blog if only for his writing and disgusting style.

http://bikozulu.wordpress.com/
This blogger/writer is amazing! I love his style of writing and the way he tells his stories. Sample the way he introduces his latest post "

Christmas beckons like a ghoulish character in Harry Porter


I am sure i have left out many websites/blogs that i do love. I will probably update.#newyearresolutions

Meanwhile check out this gem on Twitter and the some of the idiots that use it:)

http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2010/12/25-dumbest-tweets-of-2010.html

Churchill Live Season Two

Once in a while, excitement comes in Kenya. A new discovery, a new song (remember vuta pumzi) or even the Ocampo 6 story.

And so came Churchill Abednego.

Like a well sold product (cue here is J-LO, Beyonce), this person is everywhere. Turn to the Standard Chartered Marathon, he is there entertaining the children, turn on your TV, he is there doing top comic or Churchill live and every other day on your favourite radion station he is there doing the Morning Show with Maina Kageni. Soon maybe on our towels and perfumes and inner wear (kidding).

So it is not without much amusement today that i read the Churchill Live Fan page and realized his fans are tired of what they call tribal jokes.

Why are tribal jokes so common? The same reason black/white jokes are common. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Churchill-Live/56316486398. Every one loves/hates them.

Nigerian Basketmouth comes to mind when i think of a good comedian. A joke which you can tell in any part of the world and everyone would know what you are talking about.

So what has gone down with Churchill Live Season 2

For one, Churchill looks perpetually tired. The problem of doing everything is that you get tired. If you are the MC of every corporate, social and whatever else is that you lack time. I wondered how it would be like to be a Missus to Churchill, you would barely receive Lip Service:).

Two, well looks like the idea, concept is a good one for these season, it just doesn't have the Churchill touch in it. In Season one, Churchill would dig the library for funny situations that his guest had done in the past and prod on the same. But, that effort is not there.

Guest Artists are probably meant to spice the show, but some of them just don't do it. Eric Omondi is sometimes fresh and stale. You can never tell. Cross dressing on the other hand is downright tacky!

That said, the comedy industry is a hard act. It takes time and originality to conceive ideas that will make people laugh. For that, i will give Churchill an A+ for venturing into something not everyone can do.

I am not an Independent Woman

If there is a term that has been used to oppress women these days is the word Independent Woman.

 

Yes.

I have a job.

I drive my own car.

I pay my own bills.

 

But don't get me wrong. In that sense, i probably can be called an independent woman. But that's where it ends. And yes, I said it.

 

I still need help in Flash parking and reverse (mostly provided by the men on the Street). Ooh the frustrations in their eyes at this woman who can't really tell herself that if you move the wheel to the right, the car moves to the right. The truth, most women can't reverse and flash park successful. I know a few who can but just like PHD holders in Microbiology, they are on the minority. Every time i see, someone being helped out of the parking, it will almost be a woman. Never mind, it is an offence to be guided into a parking by City Council of Nairobi.

 

 

Do i need a man to pay bills for a night out/date/dinner? Hell yes and why  not. Because i earn a salary, should i forego the right to be entertained by members of the opposite sex. Can i go dutch? Surely yes, but then i must be sought out as to whether i can afford to go dutch on that particular outing. Picture this, someone calls you wanting to take you out. You agree and start dressing all excitedly. Then at the end of the night, calculates his part of the bill and proceeds to pay it, then looks at you, in a manner suggesting that you should calculate your part of the bill and pay it. Tell me, is it that not a deal breaker? If this should happen the guy deserves to be dumped- pap! It doesn't matter where he comes from. If i am going to pay for my bills, i have to understand that so that i can decide, if i am ready to take the offer to dine out or not. Some of us, do actually budget our expenses.

 

The man still needs to do every other thing, he could do for a woman who is not considered independent. If you don't call, i will sulk:). And I expect to be helped with my luggage. I am not going to put it all here, but you get the drift, NO? You should.

 

Can the man now quit his job and stay home? I remember a woman who i had a car incident with and called her nothing of her husband to come sort her out. This man ended up messing everything. All the same, everything belonged to the woman. Even the money he had been drinking all night. It was like 11 a.m. in the morning and the guy was reeking of liquor. I understood, it was having to have a woman provide for him. A woman is not a provider, damn you! If she can hold her own yes, but not provide for a man unless he is facing with circumstances that require a woman's help and even then, he should try to get out of the circumstances as soon as he can. Let me tell you, species of the male sex, no human being can be mercillessly mean than a woman provider. This fact shall be the start and end of all the arguments.

 

My point is being called an Independent woman does not mean that you are more/or is it less? than another woman. It just means that we are now enjoying the fruits of bra burning activists circa 1970.

 

 

 

 

 

TPF4 Trivialities

Like everyone else in Nairobi and we assume Eastern Africa (although i wonder if there are Television sets in Southern Sudan), I have been watching TPF right from the extremely hilarious auditions to the Grand Finale.

The show died with the auditions

Those were the funniest auditions I have ever seen. From the MJ Wannabe to the Makmende (real?). Where do you get lyrics like even if you are five feet under..Really, Mr MJ. Wannabe.

Big Black and Beautiful is a farce

The truth is out. The men have been lying to us all along. Really? What was that about Gaelle? Is she the elusive Femme Fatale, who I have been wondering is alive ever since I heard the word. Ati the men could not resist. Don't have curves, ooh you can breath now.

Gaelle. She could not sing for singing sake. You would be forgiven for thinking she was whispering. Did you hear take on Brenda Fasie, what was that now?

Somethings cannot be forgiven

It is hard to remember Patricia but in my opinion she was the best singer of TPF 3. Yet one mistake, of not voting for Debarl, lost her so much vote and popularity. Even if she has gone on to do a lot of stuff thereafter, I wonder if people still hold it against her for her actions.

So this is what I cannot forgive

Aneth singing Man, I fee like a woman-Shania Twain

if I were you, I would call a press conference and apologize for murdering the most powerful song Shania ever did.

Nameless=Automatic Eviction

Dear Music Director, do not and I repeat, Do Not give a contestant a Nameless song.

It fell Debarl. Then of course followed by Juveh and the other person who will attempt it in TPF5. Enough said. No need to embarrass yourself into musical oblivion, if one enters into the academy and is told to sing a nameless song, they should self evict themselves. That way they will have more fame.

Nothing Really

My attempts to get a Kencell, Celtel, Zain, ooh it's now Airtel were just thwarted by some gal at the customer care. She kinda reminds me of customer i do not care, the Indians are here with the money. I have heard something about Indians, and most of it not good, really. It's about the bottom line. Money. In not Out.

 

Anyway, there is this thing. The  dynamic duo that is Maina and Kingangi have been asked to clean up their show..Imagine. How now? Radiotherapy should last forever.

 

It's easier to listen to others scandal and sing heathen, when you are not thinking of yourself. 

 

Most of us have secrets that we will take to the grave. These peculiar Kenyans take them to the airwaves. Much fun we have. Every morning. And now, we will have to contend with mmomonyoko wa udongo,

 

Same as busted. Honestly, i never intended to be a fan of busted. I never listened to it on Easy FM. Just like the way i have never read The Star. The cool peeps @Twitterverse advise, it's now the cool thing to read. Maybe/not. Smart People Read the Star, but do Smart People Write The Star? Maybe they should give me a free copy. Then i shall determine.

 

Anyway, Nairobi is changing;

 

The cool superhighway. Marvelous. Have you seen the way those Chinese are demolishing the hills. Awesome. I am told guys come from Tanzania for a tour of the Superhighway. Like Nairobi is so cool. Really, it's like NewYork to those peeps.

 

There are two things intended to bring Nairobians closer. Tusker Project Fame and Churchill Live. In all honesty, these two have refused to deliver this season. I don't know about everyone else, but they no longer tune with what i was used to. Or maybe i am growing old.

 

Links

 

If your life is not so interesting. You can live vicariously through his.

 

For advice on everything. For women

 

 

When Ladies and Gentlemen argue

I have learnt something from Busted. Last week, an unlikely thing happen. There was infidelity in the house of the Lady and gentleman at the Club.

That when they argue;

They call the 'other' Harlot.

Who has the time to remember the name harlot? Jesus. Sounds like from a shakespeare play.

When the mwananchi argue, they say 'malaya'


They ask for the 'wronged' for civility.

The wronged one says 'i have no time for civility' while exercising severe restraint.


The mwananchi lays all for everyone to hear.


The Lady asks him not to shame her in front of her friends. That being the main thing.

The mwananchi woman asks "why do you do this to me, after 3 children". It's the finances here.

Where do you fall?

Nairobian cycle 1

That just sounded like amphibian. Anyway my attempts to do anything rhyming backfired a long time ago. So here i am. Attempting all over again.

Anyway with a huge (assuming it is) pen the President signed into law some Bill called the Alcoholic Drinks Control Act http://www.nacada.go.ke/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/abridged-version-alcoholic-drinks-control-act-2010.pdf.


And just like that a whole culture change occurred.

You see when you become a Nairobian, there is a greater chance that maximum bonding time with the children happens on Sunday. Picture this. The father is working all through the week. Saturday he goes out with the boys till some weird hours of the morning.

On Sunday he attends the hangover mass (aka 12 o'clock) at the pestering of wifey.

Upon the last grace, he packs his people to the next restaurant/pub.

Whereupon they get entertainment. So the father cures his hangover by taking just one more. And the children ask for soda and chips. Really, don't these things grow old?

And the tois jump onto some thing called a bouncing castle and get their faces painted.

And then;

There is the dancing competition.

The children outshine each other.

No idea on where they get the skills but gyrate they do.

Then one day. No children in the pub.

Dear President, don't you see you have just killed family recreation time?

Ciku....

By now, everyone has heard this clip of the busted woman. I just have one thing to say to Ciku. Life is not black and white, there are a lot of shades of grey. One day you will discover that you are non the wiser.

Whenever human beings needs are not met, they have the obvious instinct of looking for it. Take for instance the people who eat dog meat when they are hungry. Are they bad people for eating dog meat? Would they have eaten dog meat if their present circumstances allowed them to eat a healthy chicken. The same as the people in dead end relationships who won't come out for the sole reason that they have children with those other people (Trust me, this is a good reason). Does it ever hit you that those emotionless busters are control freaks. Or for whosoever sake would love you enough to want to know that you are cheating on them. Maybe it is time you advised them to meet their partner's needs and maybe they wouldn't have to you know call you. Of course they are those mischievous ones who don't need any reason to.

Bottom line. If a human being's need is not being met, they will hunger for it and yes, you guessed it, get it.
le

Do you know why your business is failing?

I am no intellectual in doing business. Actually i have done very little business. I am a professional. Sometimes professionals do business, most of the times they do not.

But all the same, i will give you a little hint as a customer of businesses as to why your smart business self is not making any money 2 years later. I know you hired that smart business executive to make you smart business plan that convinced the bank manager to give you money but back to basics.

Your sales people.

I have no words for this people..

Picture this, i have gone to buy a phone. I ask the sale rep about the specifications and she(mostly beautiful) tells me she does not know. How now? You actually employ someone to sit in your shop to sell you things that she does not know about. In fact, most of the times, whether i am buying a camera, a bootleg movie, a phone i am always met with a i do not know. Beauty is overrated.

Seriously, stop everything and hire a sales person who actually understands what you sell. Companies like Nokia, Samsung, Safaricom and other serioius companies are always hosting workshops for their products. There are movie previews that are free on the internet. And a sales rep does not know what product they are selling is simply a bad idea.

I went to a fair over the past weekend. You can tell the sales people judge people by the way they look. Just tell them to judge people by their ability to produce money once the item is sold. If you think i cannot afford (sometimes i can't) i will not buy even if i had the money to buy.

So stop concentrating on all your smart business plans, your beatiful accounting graphs and just hire a sales person who can sell.

Somewhat Blondish...Blonde Series 2

I just had to attend the funeral of the Sex and the City. So i decided to fork out Ksh. 100 to a sales girl. Anyway she gave me Sex and the City Season 2A. The stuff they do these days to make sure you pay twice for Season A and Season B.

So i asked said sales girl why she gave me Season 2 A while i asked for Sex and City 2. She pointed at the poster and insisted it was the movie. Hours later i am doing re runs of Season 2.

Maybe the Sex and City 2 was that horrendous? I am yet to find out.

The Kenyan Tweep

Ya'll know the Kenya online movement started with the bloggers, then facebook and now the almighty www.twitter.com

The Kenyan tweep is someone who although on facebook, will repeatedly tweet "facebook is a village">

Will hold out tweeting about Churchill Live until someone does then R/T (retweet) because they must check out if it's cool to like or hate. If someone says bleh then bleh it is. If someone tweets a joke, then it's a joke already! Common though is the Kenyan tweep hates tribal jokes (no pun). i don't think more about the tribal joke apart from the funny part of it. Look here, tribalism is as old as racism and as new as racism. To mean, it is really not going anywhere.

The Kenyan tweep attends the IT focused kind of events. I see things like i hub, TedX and furiously tweet during the event. So if you are not so inclined, skip on this one or you just won't understand:)

The .ke tweep will celebrate if a Kenyan topic is trending on the world timeline. It's almost as having a Kenyan on the elusive Forbes list. Just type #promulgation on twitter.

Nearly most of the world doesn't understand twitter. And for those who do, they remain the so cool that can't be on facebook of course unless twitter is down.

THE FEMALE DRIVER

A guide;

1. You can make any mistake because as a female driver it is expected.

2. Don't yield to the honking

3. Driving safely is not being a coward although all the male drivers will make you feel so

4. You are the one slowing all the traffic and once they see you they will say " Si nilikuambia huyo ni mwanamke"

5. Being stuck is commonly associated with females.

6. You are going to make a mistake anyway if you are female.

7. A car driven by a female goes for higher than one driven by male so when you are selling your car one of the things to say is "Lady Driver"

8. If a male hits you, they will always try to make you look like you really don't know how to drive so CALL YOUR HUSBAND lol

9. It's ok to insist on male companion especially since you probably don't know how to change a tyre

10. Females should always put  enough fuel. Walking with a kibuyu looking for fuel, well...

11. Always lock your doors...You can get the unexpected visitor:(

12. Pull down your windows in town.  Sometimes there are boys with human waste walking around

Blonde series 1

I went to a place whey they sell 3rd rate bootleg movies and series.

One of them was Rich dad poor dad. I asked the sales girl what it was
expecting maybe it was a documentary. She told me "i think it's a
comedy".