TYPES OF CAB DRIVERS

If you are a regular or not so regular user of cabs in Nairobi town you may have noticed a common pattern among cabbies

 

Mr. I won't say anything

 

This tend to be a bit old. The most they ask is what your destination is and keep quiet for the whole journey. This i don't like very much because i like to engage some people in some good discussion.

 

The Mr. i want your opinion

 

This have their own opinions but before they give you theirs they want to hear yours. Conversation will go hence

 

Cabbie: Who do you think will win the election

Answer: I don't know, maybe Kibaki

 

Cabbie: No no you know i heard that Raila is the one to win

 

Why were you asking me?

 

The conversation will probably go downhill from there and you will be bombarded with all manners of facts and fiction.

 

The Mr. I wanna know about you and what you do.

 

The conversation will probably go this way

 

Cabbie: Where do you work (As in all Kenyans where you work is probably more important than your own name)

 

A: This and this place

 

Cabbie: How is so and so (meaning how is the CE?)

 

A: He is good

 

Cabbie: I know him through so and so and so

 

A: Cool

 

It will then degenarate to discussions about the so and so's, you, what you think of your company and finally the advice you give to them.

 

Feel free to share your cab drivers experiences. I am looking at you 3Toc.

Monday

Ok now there is this breed of men who have taken to dutifully call me/text me on Monday mornings. The kind who won't text or call from Friday 1700hrs to Monday 1100 hrs.

 

Now, i have no problem if you don't want to talk to me during the weekend because i do not care but why Monday morning.

 

1. I do not run a duty register on Monday mornings

 

2. I do not like being disturbed on Monday mornings, i am probably sleeping, cussing the weekend is over. All this with the help of coffee. Please leave me and my coffee alone for a bonding session

 

3. Boss is probably issuing instructions from all corners (ok re-read) even if they are not in the office

 

I never used to have this problem but the number has since increased from 1 (that one is special and was allowed) but 3? You had a whole weekend and you want to catch up with me on Monday.

 

That is all. Really lame, I know.

SELF TAG

This i got from one of my favourite bloggers Fabulously Broke in the City. Tagging is the blogger way of living.
4 Things I'm Passionate About

 

1. Sleeping

2. Reading

3. Law

4.Laughing

 

4 Words or Phrases I Use Often

1. Ngai

2. Haiyaaii

3. Really?

4. Jezuz

4 Things I Want to Do Before I Die

1.Learn to fly ( i just made that up)

2. Visit most countries (even that one)

3. Swim across Indian Ocean ( I am lying)

4. Live like a brat

 

4 Things I Have Learned From the Past

 

1. Everyone is looking after themselves really, you don't have to

2. Switch off my phone everytime i sleep (no emergencies, call 911 just incase)

3. Love your family regardless, they are the only ones who got your back really

4.Nobody can make you happy. Nobody is perfect and you too.

 

4 Places I Want to See or Visit

1.The peak of Mt. Kenya ( i just lied)

2. Barbados (baby)

3. Mexico

4. Washington DC

 

4 Things that Happened Yesterday
1. Niliamka nikapiga mswaki (ya'll know how that song goes)

2. Bought something i did not intend to (impulse is the word)

3. Talked to someone for an entire one hour and my ears weren't hot

4. Online disruptions

 

I am tagging

Kenyan Musings

Nakeel

Gish

3toc

 

Jon Favreau

When all the hullaballoo is about B.O, one certain lad caught my eye. He is 27 years old and the Director of speechwriting at Statehouse. His name is Jon Favreau, . Ooh well and the fact he is cute?

 

That just saddens me about Kenya's recycling machine. I have been denied a job for being too young. That's another thing about B.O. that is just amazing, trusting a twenty-something year old with your national speeches?

 

Well, is it not obvious that young people have the sharpest minds. Well, when used well. Is it not a bit funny that the likes of Ababu Namwamba are so quiet in the middle of the grand mind boggling theft that is currently being executed by the Grand Illusion(as KE) would call it.

 

Apparently Jon is B.O.'s mind reader, he put the thoughts into words. Maybe you may not understand my fascination, but i have a thing for the written word (i told you i watch my movies with subtitles). Ooh again and the fact he is cute.

 

 

 

Thank you B.O.

Not for being the son of a REAL African man

Not for being the first African American President yada yada

Not for the charismatic speeches you give to move the crowds

Not for the eloquence with which you speak to everyone

Not for being black enough? whitey less?

Not for being tall and handsome

Not for the love you show to your wife

Not for enduring the long and dirty race to white house

 

But for showing the true meaning of character.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

1. Cut out information overload- I skim through newspapers, do not watch TV especially news, i unsubscribed from all gossip blogs. Really, i do not care if Nicole Kidman had botox or not.
2.  Attend/Join Toastmasters- After seeing what oratorial skills did for Obama, who can resist learning from the masters of speech.
3.  Blog more- I cannot understand why i stopped blogging regularly because i do have full internet access both at home and at work.
4. Read more literature- I still intend to at least write a poem this year
5. Understand limiting beliefs and how they affect my life- It is true, you are what you think you are.
6. Network efficiently and effectively- Invite me for any event and i will come

 

LET'S HAVE FUN

Guys, girls there is a maybe not so new dating game that has been going on in Nairobi. A while back, you would get the occassional question "what is clandestine?". Then the word Clande was coined and it's almost immortalized now. I have heard severally guys say I am just his/her clande.

 

First signs

You go out with this guy/girl for a few times, a while later after engaging in nocturnal activities, guy /girl asks "What does this mean" guy/girl answers "We are just having fun"

 

Take it from me, that means you are just a clande. Just in case, i ask you again.

 

It has been assumed by many gals that once a guy has kissed and taken it from there, it is meant to grow from there to a blossoming faithful loving relationship. If after that act, the relationship seems to stunt, well it is possible that you really are just having fun. There you have it!

 

On a personal note, once that word we are just having fun has been mentioned i know it is really time to run if i was thinking there was potential for anything (stop reading too much into it) other than a clande relationship. I remember one day a guy i inivited over for lunch, said that magical Let's have fun and this was my answer

 

"I really like you, if anything ever happens between us I would keep calling you and chasing after you..".He he he just to say that is the last time i heard of that word Let's have fun from him. In other words if someone wants to be a clande and you don't want the best thing is to scare them with commitment stuff.

 

How did something as clandestine as clande become so widespread?

Many people really don't have time for monogamy. My friends last friday told me, it is a crime for a man to spell the word monogamy. Of course those who are monogamous will not agree. Unfortunately/fortunately for women who profess to love sex (many) clande provides a chance to stay with the nice man who can't really hit it well for emotional needs and have the bad boy who does it for you.

Everybody wins!

 

Of course like in other things, there is always a thorn in the rose

 

STDs and especially AIDS can be spread easily where partners do not protect themselves -which would really be foolish

 

Psychos can haunt you and your ass especially when you do not want a further monogamous relationship

 

I am going to lift shamelessly some stuff now from the only facebook group dedicated to Certified Clandes

 

How to know you are just a clande (those that i found funny and serious). Most of them are interesting if you have the time to read.

• You dial your number on his phone only to realize you are saved as Michael Joseph
• The only place you have been with him/her is a cheap lodging
• You don't know how his/her house directions coz you have only been there at night
• Goes AWOL on holidays
• You can dress up and leave in less than 20secs (huh)
• Dude doesn't hide the fact another mama was in his house previously
• He doesn't care if you have a boyfriend or not and viceversa
• You are always doing the calling/texting (sounds simple)
• When the dude only screws you in the dark, preferrably with you facing away from him (yaani chora saba) then you's definitely a what? C L A N D E!! (from Archer, i sold you for 20pence)
• You have to carry a change of clothes-that or you rewind

  Your toothbrush at her/his place ni hizo za ten bob...it gets worse when you have to carry it coz significant other is comin over later...WTF do you want me to do with a ten bob toothbrush?worst case scenario is you keep buyin those toothbrushes...clandestine! (edited for clarity)
• When you keep brushing shoulders and not saying a word to each other when in public but end up in the same bed later.still not saying anything to each other
• Apparently Big sized handbags are clande apparel
• When every chick who calls or hugs onto him in the club is an ex or buggin him ....you are part of one big happy clande family
• Ati a jamaa amekusave as TQ 1,TQ 2...(Thirst Quencher 1, Thirst Quencher 2) ....u are just but a...(not edited)

As for the rules;

1. Thou shall not fall in love
2. Thou shall wait to be called
3. Thou shall perform your "duties" diligently
4. Thou shall not nag nor whine
5. Thou have no claim to her or him
6. Thou shall never ever call him at home
7. Do not ask, never complain, never explain
8. Thou shall not give him/her an affectionate title in your phone book
9. Thou shall not discuss him/her with pals.
10. Thou shall not question his/her action
11. Thou shall be sharp to understand monotone answers 

RANDOM QUESTIONS

There are certain things that are going through my head, let me get them out; to the world of course (like it really cares!)

 

1. Why can't i write anymore?
2. Do i need to plan, have goals to succeed?
3. Ok, on 2, how do people plan anyway?
4. That person (yes, a him), what does he want
5. Or does not want
6. Why am i even asking myself?
7. Can things be white /black or in the least of things, coloured?
8. Am i toxic
9. Why are all politicians dumb?
10. Ok, the Kenyan ones?
11. Why is it everytime i go to the supermarket, prices of stuff has increased?
12. Sometimes by 100%?
13. Is there a crisis in Kenya that we are yet to know about?
14. When do you know it's time to let go?
15. Or time to hold?
16. Does patience pay?
17. Why do people really go through a lot of stuff at a particular time in the year?
18. Where can i find a well paying job?
19. One thing i can do to make a difference in my or other's lives?
20. Is change good?