Tuesday, July 11, 2006

How to...the Kenyan way


How to spoil a good breakfast show

Nation Fm (Now EasyFM)

I would have been forgiven to think that the answers to the question
"Name the three Musketeers "
Was
Munene, Ted and Ngatia

When they existed they cracked me up. Their laughter more than their jokes hilarized me. They had an infectious laughter and would laugh at people and brighten our days. Now the joke that Kenyans are never thought this was a perfect arrangement and instead brought us a character by the name Bernard Otieno who i have no grudge with apart from his serious talk and stale jokes.

Nothing beats a good joke in the morning and infectious laughter.

Classic FM
This is what has made me write this post anyway.

Maina Kageni and Mwalimu Kingangi alias Filgonas combination somehow worked. This was becoming the biggest breakfast show. Rumour has it that Queen B couldnt take it anymore and her too wanted to go to Classic and hence someone had to go.

I don't like Valentine Njoroge, not for her obvious lack of character but she isn't just a good Breakfast presenter. Truth be told. Even me i have been told i cannot make a model and thats just the truth or rather i don't look like Angelina Jolie/KM lookalike (tihihi) with or without the pout (I love her).

Either way breakfast shows Valentine is not where you discuss whether a one night stand is good or not. We all know its good so lets move on and be funny. Or if its ok to for a young guy to date Wambui Otieno..who cares. Its time to laugh.

How to kill a Redkyulas Show

Just stop being funny.

The first Redkyulas show was hilarious. We actually did Roll on the Floor Laughing out Loud but since then Red Corna/kyulas is no longer funny.

Vitimbi is more hilarious my friends and Vioja Mahakamani. Those guys have original jokes. I cannever get enough of Mzee Ojwang. Haki the guy should be awarded some award of sorts.

I watch TV less and listen to the Radio lesser, i am sure it would have been more easier to give more ways to kill good things if i did watch and listen more.

Feel free to add on your own how to.....

Is it just me or the employer pays enough to cater for your transport to and from work and to keep going to work. Entrepreneurship anyone?

Thanks a lot AfroMusingsand Ms K for your commitment with the kids. Going there on Sunday so if you are interested, holla.




30 comments:

  1. I used to be cracked by the three musketeers that was breakfast and true Queen B was being outdone by Maina and Kingangi hence she had to show some people door but do u know the husband is persona non grata?

    Capital saw Cess then Kalekya Ted and Nagtioa then comes one Seanice (buy Kenyan employ foreigners)I dont like her she talks like a kid and capital is no longer captivating like it was. She pretends to know alot about Kenya on topics but she knows nothing she bores to death.

    At the upper side goes Muthoni Bwika and Dama replaced by Deedee at YFM lets not go there those are lullabies cant wake a sleeping dog.

    Do we have a breakfast show in Kenya?
    Hell NO give us back the three musketeers who will make u wake up...

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  2. @Naks, i agree we no longer have a breakfast show in Kenya. Ms Queen B is reported to have been dating the Mr. of the station himself. I hear now QB is affiliated to a certain local rising politician (rumours though).

    WE WANT THE THREE MUSKETEERS BACK.

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  3. I have to admit that was when Nation rocked dem days of the 3 musketeers!Even on the days I didnt have to go to jobo I used to get up to listen to them!They rocked.Once one of them was taken away it began to get boring.Then when Benard Otieno came in it went downhill, this dude was a KBC presenter for eons and still sounds like one.
    I didnt listen much to Classic FM other then during the early days when it was all soul but from the little I heard I think Maina was doing a good job.Valentine Njoroge sucked at Capital so I am not surprised that she sucks at Classic FM.
    Of course I have to talk about Carol and Nyambane.They started out well then just turned into sheet utter crap!Are they still together?
    As for Redykyulass season 1 was a killer and season 2 wasnt so bad but after that they seemed strapped for ideas.I think what they need is a long hiatus and to hire outside writers to help them.Kajairo is much funnier and helps out the show.
    I used to love Yfm when it came out, lots of fun broadcast in sheng but I hear ratings are going down.
    As for Capital and the many young girls who go in and out of the breakfast show, it's time someone said no!I know Chris loves his young gals but Capital needs new experienced dynamic blood.I think it is possible to have funny foreign presenters like Phil Matthews who use their foreign-ness to their advantage.
    I think it's about time this musical chairs game in Kenyan media ended.It just sucks!

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  4. @ Shiroh
    It's just a shame the way Queen B attributes her rise to sheer hard work when even in her Capital FM days she was using her assets to get to the top!

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  5. How to kill a good party song:
    Let the folks at Kiss 100 know about it (Fr.fr.fr.fr.freesh hits...)

    How to kill a good online service:
    Nation following in Standard's footsteps (probably for the first time ever) and making the best parts of their newspaper to be premium access only sites.

    How to show you are a true Kenyan
    Have a Ugandan prima donna present a typically Kenyan breakfast show, then have her call her jungu friends driving from Karen for traffic updates in the morning.

    How to make a short-shelf-life-but-"I-Made-It-On-Radio" Hit
    - Get a Kenyan genge/boomba/kapuka artist dictionary
    - Remember the 10 or so words in there (manzi, bamba, tingisha, manzi, poa, rusha mikono, katika, hanya, kuwaka, kwenye dance floor/club...)
    - Now find words that rhyme with the above...if they dont rhyme, make sure the same word is repeated at least 10 times in song..repeat till track is at least 3 minutes long...

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  6. This post is so on point esp with some of dem comments that I have to do a post of my own on the same lines!

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  7. Seems I'm the only Queen B show fan. I only listen to the 6 - 7:30 hour on morning radio, and have to say KISS packs more news, traffic, current events. Music is weak and repetitive though. you can predict - Shaggy, Neo, Shakira, Longombas, repeat

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  8. Shiroh- thanks for making me realize that the reddykulass show this weekend is not worth the $20. I am just going there coz they are selling pint

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  9. Yes Red Korna is not as fascinating ... but that piece about secretly blasting away dudes looking for an easy way to pee, I must admit, was a real classic

    AS for all these peeps in FM stations switching jobs and all one has to take a serious university degree to gich all that shenanigan

    Now I have to keep my sister away from ever visiting your blog just because of that piece about donkeys being serious man-killers ... you see, in shaggs I used to rest her fears when meeting a dozen donkeys or so in the road by assuring her that those horse relatives were cute and harmless ... don't know what I will do if she discovers otherwise

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  10. thats the media for you..
    TV is rapidly catching up on this shady trend...
    boring stuff really!!
    I mean KTN is busy bragging screening
    24S3 (jack baeur season 3)!!
    NTV long turned nairobi off...well apart from some comedies..

    radio is just an ego trip.

    the two MKs (maina kageni and mwalimu king'ang'i) simply rocked. their show was poised to be the biggest breakfast show.
    lakini they say kageni is on holiday and shud be back....
    what a shame jimmi had to go. yenyewe men fall by the wily ways of femme fatale!
    who's valentine???
    as for foreigners...marcus is the only one who counts on radio. he is shady but in a good way.
    seanice..aah the wild bird high on waragi!!! no comment.
    by the way she subscribed her show to blogspot....
    http://www.capitalmorning.blogspot.com/
    totally full of crap.
    as for her friends esther and kerry,

    ..djck kama kawaida did his thing.

    the two are rather full of themselves and cut the image of dumb blondes.

    yenyewe the serious and hilarious voices in radio belong to the two MKs, Jimmi, Munene and Cess.. throw in marcus as a favour.

    all is not lost though...
    alternative radio aka inooro, kameme and a host of other vernacular stations do provide some semblance of satire..

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  11. Me thinks that bigger better longer breakfast shows atre like Omo with powerfoam all gas, except for the 3 musketeers and Classic with the MK's would rather tune in to vernacular stations anyday kriti tru ama?
    The capital blog, great idea but where are the posts?
    so am for Bring back the 3 muskis' and make my day, actually i have resolved t listenifn to Familyfm with Mike on the Mic at least there is a glimmer of light there!
    Once again my dear, you have hit the nail on the head...

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  12. @Acolyte, those 3 boys rocked.Bernard Otieno has the stalest jokes i have ever heard and then he proceeds to laugh at them.
    I only listen to Classic kwa mathree in the morning or on my mobile and the MK's rock.

    By the way i still do watch redkyulass and sometimes they even have real jokes but if you compare with the first show, the rest all lack creativity.

    And Queen B works hard but her rise is not just sheer hard work. Kanyangation also matters.

    @the Hanyee, may i say you are on point and i don't think i would let KISS play my song as i have always said. I would give them only my first one and when i am famous no more music.
    LOL at the Ugandan Prima Donna and her Karen friends.

    Ati Katika, mikono juu,ruka haiyaaii. Lakini Me i penda wyre.

    @Banks, i do listen to Queen B's show and i have said elsewhere that she is a good presenter so i think. But it irks me when you have to hurt others to get your way. Word has she shoved Maina from KISS anyway and he wasnt happy. Now he makes a great B/F show and she is all over him again.

    @udi, si you give me your address and i will tuma some Tusker for you LMAO. The Redkyulas are not as funny anymore

    @mdkims, aki its not me who wrote donkeys are man killers its akiey.

    Sometimes the Redkyulas throw a classic act but the show is not as great that is what i say. Whereas in other parts of the world jokes get funnier, here they get stale.

    @kritik,ati NTV turned Nairobi off. Haki i only watch Vitimbi and Vioja Mahakamani and News. I agree the MK's rocked Nairobi. I like people with a sense of humour. That Jaluo woman used to irritate me in a good way i swurr, Yaani i am there planning my day then i hear a Luo woman singing songs with the worst voice ever invented. Its just made me so mad and happy at the same time.

    Wacha Kritik you don't know Valentine Njoroge,.the woman with a fake/real accent.

    I haven't listened to Seanice for long but i don't even think i like the way she talks. High on Waragi (a classic one)
    By the way thanks for the pint on Sato.
    Sawa i will switch to Inooro

    @Gish, your love for vernacular music is known. There is also another FM (ya mungu) with great songs in the morning.
    Ebu i am writing to Nation to ask for the 3 musketeers with immediate effect.

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  13. Marcus and Leo should have ruled on Radio forever. Damn I miss Leo Faya. Those mofis should have been Breako, lunch and dinner roho safi….ahhh, they were too funny together. Kwamja Leo…woiii Then when Munene and Ngatia used to present tene, there was one of them called Tingamanyire…LMAO ROTFLOL, that used to kill me sana.

    @ Mdkims…I see I am not the only one who watched the Red Korna where they were harrassing people peeing along University way? “Eeeh, ndiooo, kojoa pole pole umalize…ehe, sasa inua mikono useme sorry..” tihiiii, I’m on my own here, but me I woke my neighbors with kicheko yaani I was on the floor vile the Maasai dude ran off, with his shuka falling off for there’s nothing you are telling me eti to sit on the nyasi!!

    But radio and TV is no longer what it was.

    Halafuuu, Benard Otieno is a slow dose of Piriton bila anaesthesia woii fafa, he is the worst, somebody shoot the man!!
    And double OO? Olivia Otieno…thank God she is gone cos she is another undiluted dose of usingizi mnono nikiangalia kopo langu la saa na kupiga tama la maji as Swaleh would say him and his ‘babu yangu’ jokes…Has someone told him the babu shite is like soooo *rolls eyes** last century? Kwani us we don’t have Babu’s?

    But hey, me I am not a TV freak…I am only with Malcolm in the Middle so yep! How are you Kamum?

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  14. I refuse to listen to anything other than Capital (my radio doesnt shika anything else), which means I curse every morning on my to work other than on Wednesday when they have a DJ who likes playing old school and lost school from 7am.

    The only show worth listening to was the Jam with Marcus and Leo. All a guy can do now is hope the presenter will keep their mouth shut.

    As for TV there is so much crap on that a guy is driven to drink

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  15. @KM,you know those guys were a match made in heaven. I like their pranks kabisa. So why did that one have to leave? Trust KM to remember Tingamanyire LMAO

    The piriton has no anaesethesia ROTFLOL.I always wonder how it is he has audience ama some guys are just bored like that muhahaha. Double O says her name more than she says anything else. I guess her ratings dropped her out.
    Yeah Malcom in the middle.,what do those guys feed on that they can't sambaza huku Kenya?
    Mi niko kamum


    @Ajamaa, hey
    Capital has great music if only Seanice could keep quiet more and stop calling her Karen Friends LOOOL
    Ya'll know for us commuters/pedestrians we listen to what the mathree has to offer, HATA CITIZEN. aaauuh have you ever listened to Mdomo Baggy i am almost sleeping as i type this.
    I find nothing to watch on TV apart from Vitimbi

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  16. Thanks for the update on radio/tv back home!
    yenyewe by the time i left it had started sucking-i cont just most of the presenters!
    my fav. station back in the day was capital esp. when phil and fareed were still in da house! oh and a time when cess was on late nite capital-yanyewe that mama is just nuts! one line i kumbuka from her till leo was to babes telling em ati you dont give a jamaa a BJ like yu' milking a cow! was in campo then and till leo my roomie reminds me of the line!
    anyway you talk of home, try capetown-presenters here are the worst ever! dj ck would be huge over here! and the music?! jeeesu, its techno,house..repeated more than in kiss!
    i just stream to kameme whenever possible...
    oh,only some xtian station that plays some sawa ngomaz esp JC rock!
    pole for the long comment!

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  17. Remember the infamous scam when some promiment members of parliament and ministers were busted sourcing ass at Koinange street? I'll never remember that those nutters dedicated "Area Codes" to them!

    Breakfast radio sucks nowadays. And I was just getting used to Maina and Kingangi!!!

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  18. wazap. right now there is only one genuinely, originally funny guy on radio. his name is Yafesi. listen to him on hope FM's evening drive show, i forgot its name. i am going to blog some about him when my muse comes back home.

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  19. whaaaaat!?!
    A friend recommended this blog page to me and i must say that i am definetely blown away by all the honest perspectives on the page - it's kinda harsh to find out how much people hate breakfast radio in Nairobi !! i guess the easiest thing is to take everything with a pinch of salt- i really hope other breakfast presenters dont find this page its harsh!! the part about me being high on waragi talking to my Muzungu friends about Traffic in Karen was sidesplitting i must say -sigh

    Seanice (yes the Ugandan presenter on Capital in the morning that's high on waragi)
    anyway - back to work
    cheers !!

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  20. And that friend who recommended the site was none other than me, Leo Faya.

    - Sob Sob - I mean to get a harsh perspective on things is critical, but reality is people just have different tastes. I dont know, I wouldn't write off Capital Breakfast because for me its just different from morning Breakfast shows in Kenya. And not just because I know Seanice, I think in retrospect, what choices do I have (okay that doesnt sound good but its the reality.) The fact our show (Marcus&Leo) was tight was simply based on the fact that there was no competition at the time... And there still isn't. With the Breakfast show, there has been a set formula or standard which i am assuming Carol put out there, that morning show in Nairobi should have 1,2,3 to be successful.

    I like listening to Capital Breakfast because it allows me to not so daze out. It's different from the daily Kenyan dosage. I think certain aspects of the show can change, but I guess thats all part of the process. I think Seanice can only be Seanice, I love the fact that she has never changed to commercialize her Brand to fit the market, in this case the Market has to change to fit her style and for a certain few it has worked. For a certain few it hasn't and will not. Radio is dynamic, I mean the company i used to work with 100.3 the BEAT (California. Los Angeles) just completely did a 360 recently, they stopped playing hip hop and now strictly play R&B and Ol Skul. These type of decisions are based on so many things, I mean Steve Harvey had to leave too... Thats a major step in trying to find the sound of the station. 100.3 the Beat has been in business long before we discovered FM radio in Kenya, but to date still try to change to accomodate the market and ofcourse to make money (which is the bottom line, the more listeners, the more ads, the more promotions, the more money).

    What I am saying here is i like the fact that, the Kenyan people are honest and blunt PERIOD. You can't ask for a better audience than that(What I call confroting the brutal facts of your audience). However I only hope that they understand this one key thing about media... Some stations will suit you some will not... It just depends on what you ideal radio listen is. I used to bore the hell out of some guys somewhere, I can imagine someone is so glad I am off radio.

    Either way, this blog shed some light for me, I appreciate all the people that took the time to listen to the JAM - Marcus & Leo. The legend still lives on, I appreciate the fact that people were open minded, they let us call people, prank them, they let us talk alot much shit on radio that had never been done before. For me working on the JAM... WAS FUN!! period.

    Seanice has gone through so much to get her show to where it is, a lot of her ideas, and other things that she wanted to do, or we wanted to do with her were denied. Maybe thats the unforseen challenges but thats just the sad truth, and like I said programmes will change so long as they are not making money, but if Seanice is still on radio to date, then the underlying assumption is that she is doing something right somewhere for some people, and people are listening and paying. So You Go Girl - As for the Waragi pass it over please...

    One love to all

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  21. Leo your comments noted. People can be harsh but it is their opinions and i guess we all learnt from it

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  22. Shiroh, ha ha ha...The fact that Leo has commented on your blog = KBW BREAKING NEWS :).

    Leo, i moved to the US but i must admit that while back in Kenya, the ONLY show i listened to other than those on HOPE FM...was Marcus & Leo. You guys are F-I-R-E-D!!!

    ...& I heard that you pranked my elder bro.

    Ati you guys are off air??? Wow!

    Anyway, CONGRATS to Seanice & You for taking the criticism positively.

    All the best in your careers.

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  23. @ Shiro
    Yes we are harsh but as long as we pass on the point.It is good they took time out to read our comments, I do hope they lead to change.
    ps:hit me on my gmail address let's move on the kids project!
    @ kagz
    No the Jam is still on with those presenters.

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  24. It must be exhausting hating so many people. I think Seanice and the crew rock and that she took all those negative comments so well is totally a plus.
    If all morning shows suck just listen to your cd's! Whining is soooo boring. Radio is dynamic live with it!!

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  25. haha. my first time to blog and well...i guess i neednt add more on the whack shows.mudskippah,if yafesi is still recyclyng the same old jokes from campus...that must be as much fun as watching grass grow.

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  26. You just killed me with the MOrning thingy.The blog no one post again.Wat cut?I still enjoy MKs Combi and actually the section where pple wash dirty linen in public.that just does me.Capital well thats listen during Hits and Not homework by Eve.Well Ciku and bursted....intersting feature on easy.

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  27. Maybe you should try something else...how about ACTIVATE on 93.3 HOPE FM? you will love YAFESI

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  28. Sob Sob - I mean to get a harsh perspective on things is critical, but reality is people just have different tastes. I dont know, I wouldn't write off Capital Breakfast because for me its just different from morning Breakfast shows in Kenya. And not just because I know Seanice, I think in retrospect, what choices do I have (okay that doesnt sound good but its the reality.) The fact our show (Marcus&Leo) was tight was simply based on the fact that there was no competition at the time... And there still isn't. With the Breakfast show, there has been a set formula or standard which i am assuming Carol put out there, that morning show in Nairobi should have 1,2,3 to be successful.but there is one individual currently impressive- carol mutoko. does she really walk the talk?

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