Thursday, April 03, 2008

Ooh

There is only one thing that brings instant tears to my eyes; my youngest brother. Every time I think about him I want to cry. I do not like writing it here but the fact that my brother lives with my aunt is something that breaks/tears my heart.

 

I come from a most imperfect family. Thanks God to my very abilities to shove everything aside, I am able to live with it. I don't wish for any other family either, I am totally content (not necessarily happy) knowing from the outside other people think ours is happiest one maybe because we can afford to live a bit better than others.

 

I brought up my brother for at least 2 years and for that time I grew in profound love. There is only person's love I am assured of in the world, his. We love each other totally, deeply and I don't think there is anyone who can ever take away that love from me, maybe my own children. I never understood why they said that a mother's love is the deepest for what I feel for my brother is deep love; I will lie to say I feel that about anyone else. Yet for some reasons i can't live with him. Reasons I will not delve into because that is a bit personal. But I read somewhere today that the only way to healing sometimes is through writing and I wish my brother would read this and know that I would not want him to feel abandoned ever in future that if it were in my greatest powers I would live with him and would not mind taking care of him however much great sacrifice it would call on my part.

 

As I write this I feel really badly, I cannot control the tears I feel for the emotional pain my brother has to go through. I do know for a fact relatives will never take care of other people's children and those who have had to grow without their parents can understand what I mean. I have told my mother once and more again that their separation did not have to affect my brother in that way and for the reason only I have no say in his life being only his sister as once, when we were having a discussion with my aunt she retaliated by asking who I was to him and only my parents could discuss his well being and where he is to stay. My mother says she is in no position to provide for the young boy as his father and for my father, his child would rather be brought up by his aunt rather than a house help (to an extent i agree).

 

Sometimes I pray to God, asking him to give me the guidance on how to handle that issue because when I have tried to handle it I have ended blowing a storm out of it and falling out with my both parents. They in my opinion don't see any problem with being holiday parents or si I go to see him or he is lacking in nothing. I know he is lacking in nothing but I don't know anything that taking care of another human being and knowing he has your love and back, and to take him to hospital when he falls sick and to take him to school.

 

Gosh I better stop there!