Thursday, May 25, 2006


I read the post of one Acolyte with utter dismay almost utter disgust. Wella if the comments were to go by the dude (original composer) of the article must have had two a lesson to learn.

Ati women choke men’s space. Goodness. I am beside my self in thinking just how many men I have rare space for and who keep choking my space just like mbofuro taken without tea.

Take for example my friend X who has gone to enjoy herself in a party. A guy who has been disturbing her joins them. He wants to shika her hands all the time, when she moves to the dancefloor the guy is futuaring her insisting that she dances with him. AArrgh!!! He cant even dance well hukoz he is squeezing himself to her. Kwani some guys don’t just get it. I don’t wanna dance with you, simple and clear.

Then there is this friend of mine who didn’t used to know that they were going out with someone. Then one day he introduced her as “This is my girlfriend” to say she was beyond words. WTF??? You never introduce someone as your girlfriend unless you have asked her out.

I go to visit a sister of a friend of mine ati cha uzuri. I am beside myself when he says “ I will bring her to visit well” kumbaff. That is the last HE saw me. Kwani cha uzuri means how ati now we are going to visit well like how? With pilauz and dead chicken and cooked wheat in name of chapattis. Ala we usijijazie. Hata kama I hang out with you more than I do with some people he he ngai fafa me visit and well. No…oo…..oo. I don’t even like those things.

I am allergic to stuff like “I would like to meet your mother” ati now you want to bond with my mother. Hakuna. You meet my mother that day. Hiyo siku tu! ama we bump into her in town cha which I will tell her “this was my class mate” End of story. Hakuna my mum knowing ati this daughter of mine is being stroked regardless. No.,.that is too much for her. Leave her in peace. Yes my mother. I digress. This post is about choking.

Then we go to the Mathare headed ones. Ati now this dude I was dating decided Jeans are too much for him. Kwanza the way I love my jeans hata kama they are faded after years of brush washing and not being replaced. Anyway, he proceeds to tell me ati now I should be not going for his dates in jeans ati I vaa skirts. Hehe joke. Now me the daughter of my mother wear skirts because the bloody fool thinks I should. What is more than it? Regardless I told him that it was not possible. Day in day out he would come up with new rules. Kwanza he had a beer belly even my fathers’ is better (washing dirty linen). Anyway not one to keep up with rules we broke up. Yeah miss him (wiping tutears). Blah blah blah. Now what do you call choking.

Another fool is one who would tell my pal “I don’t like your friends” kwanza that one. Either she goes or I go. Of course my pal stupid and all (still love you) threw out her friends. Kumbaff!! My pals are none of your business. If its they go, you go with them. Hakuna ati what. Manze some of my pals date huko when I was flat chested little thing, with forced mosodo you know that one you struggle to shika at the centre of your head with strands falling from all over, when I could be confused for a kajamaa. Now that I am a grown woman; a friend of mine calls “ Nyako kokarable (shikable)” you think they are of ill behaviour. Ati they are influencing her. To do what? Kwanza the guy is kamatain aka adult behaviours aka fornication aka behaviours leading to hell aka Mtachomeka!!! My friends or you? My friends; end of story.

Some dudes want their mamas to look the way they want, to dress how they want and to even speak the right way. And now they are being choked!!!!

You know something; if you don’t like something it kinda chokes you IMHO.

Kesho Is Mugiithi Nyte. Yaay!! Ubaya all my friends (most) are so urbanized I don’t think they would go for Mugiithi. If I get company is me of to Carnivore to shake to Mwomboko (the most romantic dance in the world) . Yeah Nicholas the Kikuyu sms of mine you replied with you cant read Kikuyu in Kikuyu ati Mr. Thang.

It reminds me of a conversation I was having with my friend over the weekend. She declared that me and her boyfriend are growing shady coz apparently we think Luo music is cool ( my it is ). And kwanza I even know the latest Kikuyu song; I don’t even listen to Kikuyu stations but I know it. It goes like this

Kariki wonire
(kwani what is it that you saw)
Ukiura utuku
(you ran away at night
Twarire ngima
(we ate Ugali)
tukinyua ucuru)
(we drank porridge)
tugikira kasette
(we put on a cassette)
Tuigue Music
We listen to Music
Ngira mami
( I told my mother)
Ndakanjukirie kiroko)
Not to wake me in the morning
Ndina mugeni
I have a visitor.

Anyway the dude goes on to sing that after he left the mothers house the chic was gone and proceeds to wonder why the girl ran away at night after eating Ugali and porridge. I think she saw POVERTY. Just like that.

Yeah, is it being shady to appreciate who you are and where you come from and your culture? I wonder if that Mzungu hukoz struggles to dance to Mwomboko. Ama I missed something. C’mon!!!

And I have checked to Keguros and his Irimu (giants) stories . Me thinks one day someone from Holly wood after they have exhausted their movie themes might just pop in and do a movie on giants. I think It would be interesting after Nolly wood and witchcraft themes. Handsome man turns giant………..