Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Mr. TMI weekend

I had the unfortunate experience of having to sit down with two gross grown ass i make any sense? Yes i suspected they were grown by the wrinkles showing that one has aged quite but tragically their minds were as empty as a hollow pipe can be.
One was by his stories had grown up in golf and all. For those who know that language, it means their fathers played golf and by association they probably were golf kids..I don't know how you make such statements show up in a conversation. The golf kid, never at any point mentioned what it is that he does in present day living but i gathered from his rather lengthy description of his siblings achievements that he probably is content basking in some yester years glory which learly judging from his jalopy didn't exist any more. I try to figure out how comes my humble attempt to have lunch at a joint known for the scrumptiousness of it's meat, had led my meeting with this golf kid. Everything happens for a reason.
Anyway i was in the company of two lasses, some may even call them young depending on which age group one belongs to. You see if you are 70, you may be tempted to call a 60 year old young. I told you folks, there is always someone older. I mean cut the crap about growing old..Our intention was to fill a stomach, but as soon as we got in, we saw a beckoning hand, from one of the lasses' friends. Let me let you in a secret, gals are always looking for the guy to pay the bill so we found ourselves sitting in the company of two not so young men, seeing as we are younger than them, do we call them young?No. One is pingud ya maisha, the other senior bachelor of the United Kenya.
The golf kid, is the pingud one. He went into excruciating details of how him and his wife had met. They way he did not love her. They way some chic had aborted his kid. TMI weekend. That he had loved once and would never love again. OMFG, who cares?
The golf kid was pompous all without saying why he considered himself better than everyone else. His looks were nothing to write home about. I mean when placed next to Cesc Fabregas, yeah i had to sneak that one into this conversation.. His car was a jalopy. His apparel was not appealing to the eye. Nothing!
Anyway there was a breaking point. One of the gals is quite good looking but a bit shorter than the rest of us. So the golf kid goes about telling her "You know if you were a bit tall, you would not hang out with this people and you would be so far". Ok i was spoiling for a fight. WTH, how obnoxious can someone get. You don't know me or the person you are addressing well. Well at that point i zoned out completely and he started pestering me not to be quiet. I didn't have words to say to him. I thought of him like a pig which the muslims won't touch because they consider it unholy. Let's just say shortly we found our way out.Disgusted.
Episode Two; Why me Lord?
Usually not many people i hang out with especially if they have been introduced to me by some other person know what i do. So i met this guy, very entertaining and who concluded, i wanted him. I don't know how that conclusion came into head. Maybe it is the PIlsner Mfalme that makes even lions cry. Anyway he told me of this chic she used to date in Campus (the same campus i was) but since you always need this information either to pass it on or blog about it, I listened and asked questions. I didn't not even need to pester him about the name, where she works or anything. Information was provided free of charge. FREE. Anyway he told me of the sex positions they enjoyed, how she introduced anal sex, how many times she aborted. What was going on in my head is how many idiots are there in this country?
Anyway when people meet you next time and they are smiling coyly at you, always wonder, could you have dated Mr. TMI.


  1. I feel your pain. To what end is all this info being dished on to you?

  2. Viagra has a lot to answer for. Pole sana.

  3. Really, it doesn't matter how expensive the food is, I'll move tables, and pay my bill thank you.

    Better still, just tell them to shut the F up. How does the Abortion talk mesh with food?

    BTW, I work with a golf kid. Man! They can be annoying with their my daddy plays golf with the MD of sijui where and where. But I say, maybe I'm hating because I don't have a rich daddy

  4. Next time just look at the guy and point to him the direction of Mathare mental. You never know, this could help

  5. I'm with Pink M. Leave the idiot and his money and enjoy your meal.