Friday, February 13, 2009

The Valentine...


Yesterday i had an extremely desperate thought or rather my friend said I did;
 
Out of the world's population, someone is going to be without a Valentine :)
 
Now i am googling what fraction of the world population constitutes men. Only i end up busting at these particular question;
 
 
And this one
 
Seriously I am about to ask;
How many stupid people are trolling on the net without learning basic English?
 
"derailer alert"
 
Women in general have a problem in choosing their mates because men got the priority to take this role first. Probably this is the elimination method;
 
Too short
Too fat
Too broke
Too tall
Too boring
Too talkative
 
And then there is of course the Mr. He is Just not that into You. The character that was supposedly invented by Greg Behrendt(Yeah i just spelt his name correctly) and Liz Tucillo. As is usual with all kind of inventions, the returns have been astronomical.Soaring books sales and movie tickets. A while ago us gals were sent all kind of signs;
 
He is not picking up your phone
He is not calling/texting back
He hardly spends any time with you
He seems distant when called
 
For years and years, gals could never invent a suitable name for this guy. So they haunted, stalked this guy hoping that he would change.
 
Until Greg had a Eureka moment! He just is not that into you!Wow
 
The movie is now a list topper and Ken Kwapis is the latest name as far as directing a movie. What is sad though the movie was not here in time for the Valentine.
 
The Mr. He is just that into You just regained the position supremo. And how did this guy become so famous? You know they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The Mr. Not into you's journey starts with very good intentions, only halfway there he realizes he jumped on the wrong train. But you know the Mr. Not into you just doesn't jump off the train, he knows it's dangerous to. He sends mixed signs. One day he is Mr. So into you the next day he is Mr. whuthufukareyou.
 
Then there is the player
Do you remember Vivica Fox?
I am sure you can hardly remember the last time you heard her name. This is the same time the Player was in vogue. I can remember a few movies;
The player
Getting played
Chasing papi
Two can play this game
 
Then the player got boring or accepted as he is. I don't know which one happened first. So why should i talk about the player if nobody cares.
 
The Stalker
There is the Mr. Just not into you, then there is the Ms. Just that not into you. The problem is that a diagnosis was done for the Mr. not the Ms. So men are still for a book to diagnose the same for them. it is not happening. Men don't lose, and that is all there is to it. So Mr. can't accept she just is not that into you starts the stalking.
You get 30 missed calls, don't answer any.
You switch off your phone and get 20 text messages of apologies
Everywhere you go; there he is
Woe unto you, if he knows your workplace
 
Let's just say this one is scary. He starts off being so nice that would put the best performing husband into shame. He does all the right things, picks you up, call you every morning and five other times during the day. In his world, you are a princess/queen OR SO YOU THINK. I have gained mad respect for the usual Kenyan man.
 
So he gains edge into your space, while keeping his distant. Then you get bored. Nice is boring. When you start moving away the Mr. Stalker shows his real side. He calls you names one day and spends the next day apologizing.
There is only one thing you can do; stay away from him. He could physically harm you.
 
THE USUAL KENYAN MAN
My favourite.
When it gets to the stage of him doing some things for you, it could be 2 years since you started dating. He takes his time to know you and others, then finally settles on you.