Monday, February 23, 2009

REFLECTIONS

You know they say sometimes you have to face the past. TMI i know. I am gonna come clean any way.I am 27 years old tommorow, Only 27. Like 27 Years old from now i will be 54. I am really young. I thank His Almighty, him up there for the love and guidance.
 
So i was reading somewhere, that you have to face the past. I just ignore it. Somehow i hope after writing this i will be a better not bitter person.
 
As much as i hated being a child, i have realized that the innocence you have when you are one, is the kind that should be preserved for years on end. Because when my eyes opened to the world, i was done. It hit me that my folks had a tumultous relationship. My relatives were of the worst breed (on my paternal side). Somehow i just wonder how is it i turned out to be this bubbly person. I have about the most positive energy i know and it is not pretentious. I have a big heart and i share it with people. What i cannot tolerate are bad relationships of any kind. Let me repeat that; i cannot tolerate bad relationships. Be it with my parents, friends or lovers. I have this mantra that runs in my life; I only need my soul to survive:)
 
Chapter !: 3-10 years
 
My relationship with my mum was not exactly the best. Let me be honest at this point i do not think i have ever had an extremely good relationship with my mum on a daughter-mum basis ( anyway i will get to that). My dad at this point treated my mum horribly, but we all didn't know :(. My mum has inlaws from hell. One of the reasons why i just don't feel the need to marry young is because you are always so vulnerable.  Picture this you are trying to grow up and you have children growing up and a bad marriage. I love my dad to bits but i cannot exactly vouch for him as a good husband. My mum is super strong. If i were her, i would probably be dead and buried or suffering from a bad form of depression. The way i get depressed by small stuff. I think i have been open on this blog before; my dad was the violent kind. He never hit us kids, but he hit my mum. We were scared of my dad, he was always shouting at us, so any time he came in we would scatter. Let me clarify; my dad has since changed and no he did not get saved:).
 
One thing i knew is that i would never want to be an unhappy person. I would never let anyone treat me badly.
 
11-20 years
 
This time around tables had turned. My dad and I at this point had a bad relationship because by then i was old enough to realize that he had been treating my mum badly. My mum told me so much stuff, i think she was suffering so much that she had no one else to turn to but a 12 year old. I lost my innocence at this point. I began to see my dad for what he really was and he began to notice. We quarreled badly, i was very defiant. I did not see why he needed to exact control over everyone. We fought, i told him stuff, he threatened to beat me up, he never did.
 
20-Now
 
My mum at this point left our house. She did not tell me why she left. I merely existed at this point. I was in campus taking two courses. I barely passed my third year. I was drinking heavily:(. I rarely talked to anyone about what was happening. Anyway most of my friends were really obsessed with themselves and what was going on in their lives and our interests were boys and other stuff. . My relationships suffered. Then I began to face real resistance from my paternal relatives. Whereas all along, my mother took the brunt of it all, i was left exposed with a father who would always take no sides. Left to fend and defend my siblings, i had no other alternative, i had to fight and hard.  They thought they could come to our house, stay as they wished, say whatever they wanted and basically rule.  My paternal grandmother decided that children should go with their mother and she did not hide that fact. Well she said it too loudly. What they had not prepared for is my strong backlash. I fought them one by one until they surrendered. I was branded an enemy and a bad person ( like i would give a damn!). At the end of the battle was renewed respect. Nobody comes to our house without notice and even then after one day you are expected to be on your way out unless there is a reason why not and i have personally asked you to stay.You mind your business; i mind mine. Let's not confuse those facts.
 
 
How bad relationships affected my life
 
  1. I was continuously tired- My back and neck pained all the time. I had to really exercise to get rid of this problem.
  2. I entered into bad relationships- I lacked the energy to form good relationships. At this point bad boys become very attractive. My friends were not exactly helping
  3. I lost that focus- I had always known what i wanted in life. But especially in campus, i did other things more than i studied. Due to the void that was left at home, i found an escape especially in alcohol and clubs. I escaped from reality so much, but that was though good for me.
  4. I was always taking care of other people-My mum, my siblings. I kinda got this thing that i had to be there and listen, offer advice. But at the end of the day you are so drained, you have nothing to offer yourself. You take less care of yourself and this can be reflected even in your appearance, dressing and such. It took  me a lot of time s
What i have learnt
  1. Despite how your life has been, tomorrow is a new day. You can chose to be bitter or live. I choose to live.
  2. Always read self development material- You never know how sick you can be. People think those books are useless, but i have read loads of them. How to form good relationships with people always look so much like common sense should tell you but the truth is, what if you have never been shown how to.
  3. Read, read, read- If nothing else. Of course and write.
  4. Always to thank God for what i have and work for what i don't have- I think i had a dose of low self esteem at some point, after all when your parents are fighting, love for everyone else takes the backseat. My mom was so involved in her problems that most of the time she was just quarreling us for things we had not done. Todate i cannot call my mum for advice or just to talk my normal life with her. I don't blame her. I have a blog
  5. Maybe someone's reading and just wondering so what you have had a bad life, it wasn't entirely bad. My parents are still very responsible especially where finances and education are concerned. I still live in my dad's house free of charge. Me and my siblings have a very good relationship. i don't know how we managed to have our entirely different life from what my parents had. Nobody treats us badly mainly because we protect ourselves really. ooh and Boarding school helped.
  6. It is good to take charge of your family, if you don't others will trample on it. This is especially true for men.If you don't, you will regret it.
  7. Don't marry young,  the twenties are still the best years of my single life. And all those pressurizing me to get married/your clock is ticking, i suggest you get a life. Leave mine alone. If my clock ticks, it ticks on me, not you. Would you shut up already!
  8. You don't have to take crap from anyone. This universe prouds itself of 6 billion people.
  9. Some people just won't change. Don't force them to. If someone is not responsible, they might never be.
  10. Patience is overrated. Get a life now already!
One last thing, I feel so good.
 
That must have been the longest post i ever did and i have said about 0.02%. Somebody get me a book deal.
 
I need a thing to do on my last day as a 26 year old. I am done piercing my ears. Maybe i should get a bikini wax not. Give me suggestions please..