Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Things that could possibly turn off any woman

In bed……………

In the usual style of G.I.M. (Girl in the Meadow) which I am sure by now are accustomed to, anything goes. She has been avoiding controversy and men baying for her blood since the post that declared Kenyan men cheap and the Artur fiasco of the gold (en) brothers, she is back with a not so bad one, just a few tips. Don’t take it personal please!

Shiroh had edged out G.I.M. It’s her time back?!

This post earned G.I.M many names gold digger just being one, Milo and Nick insisting I buy them lunch to prove that I never meant girls should not foot the bill (Which I did at a Nrb West restaurant) and ooh much more. Haiyaiii I was only saying the truth but still…….. I suffered!

Most of what I write here is from my girlfriends experiences as narrated to G.I.M. Resemblances to any characters…….you know how it goes.

Complete Turnoffs

Underwear

There are things we call “Cosi”, I don’t know what it means maybe costume or something. They go by many names but one of the most notorious ones is the COWBOY. For friggin sake, Cowboy? Wearing cowboy is an effective family planning method. One of my sources (yes, I do research!) says it is a complete turnoff. A grown man in Cowboy! What you say?

Boxers, boxers, boxers., Period!

Sweaty armpits

When they said a man should have a natural scent, did they really mean sweaty armpits? I dunno what’s the solution to this but c’mon wash up or do something! Just don’t suffocate her with your sweat. There are sweaty bodies everywhere, in the buses, co-workers and now you!

Your Super Ex-Girlfriend

Every man has this frigging story of the super-Ex bedroom super tactics. You know what brothers, sometimes she fak’d it till she made it. We are like that, it pleases you. Whatever rock n’ roll, up and down acrobatics moves she made is over! If you are not pleased now, say it! Super hints don’t work here. Talking about your super- ex, everyone has a supposed super –lover even if it’s just an imagination doesn’t say anything. If you don’t know this talk tortures the gals. How is it if the chic could tell you about my super ex was such a stud and he did elbow discovery (KM 2006) and much more. And you still haven’t discovered the insides of the thighs as yet?

Leaving the CD

CDs should be on reach. Enough said!

There is a forward email that advises men to leave the CD in the cars or rather that’s the moral of the story. Now that particular situation saved the day. Lakini how serious can a man be to leave the CDs in the wardrobe or somewhere else. Aaiih please. Unless of course it is unexpected but even so…..

Love first not lust fast

This one was inspired by this post by Supaflyshi

http://supaflyshi.blogspot.com/2006/06/mission-impossible-iii-getting-laid.html

Some men are greedy; others are not, most pretend not to be (which is all good).

It is the greedy ones that I am talking about. We spend about 6-7 hours cultivating hunger to eat a meal. And when the meal is finally on the table, we spend another 10 minutes giving thanks. Then finally consumption happens

Now there are some men (obviously they don’t blog), who like going for the meal first. They don’t want to cut the carrots, the kitunguu, fry the mafuta, and agonizingly wait for it to be cooked. They want the food immediately!!! Washindwe hao!

Obviously the hunter has to move slowly only pouncing on the victim when it’s quite unaware of the danger.

Anything else spoils the broth. Patience!!!!

Now over to the men, say IT! Just the way it is. I wish I was on both sides of the divide but I am not!!! Yeah I am as straight as the Babylon Tower.

(Peace out) What?


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